9 weeks NC, know she's thinking about contacting me, should I break the silence?

[DifferntString]

Hey guys & not guys,

 

 

My previous girlfriend, and previous best friend & I went through an extremely rough fallout, seeming recovery, second fallout and now a period of silence.

 

I'll refrain from typing out my entire sob-story (it's in my post history, anyways) and cut to the details haha. I cut off contact with her about 9 months ago, and she treated me terribly all the way until the end. I was convinced that she was the bane of my existence, and got rid of everything she ever gave me (notes, pictures, souvenirs, crafts, et cetera) and vowed to move on. About 3 or 4 weeks ago I started getting really close to a good friend; but realized I was still absolutely in love with my previous girlfriend. Our past is something that has shaped who I am, and she is someone who I can truly see myself with until the end of my days (cheesy, I know - and probably cliché; but I spent a lot of time deciding it is true).

 

I have been told that about 3 or 4 weeks ago, she contacted a very good friend of mine. She said that she wanted to talk with me; but was terrified that I wouldn't forgive her. The thing is that I don't know if I'll forgive her right away, but I am having a really hard time knowing that we aren't in communication.

 

I want to break the NC. I want to initiate conversation, because honestly I don't want to wait another 9 weeks. Or 9 months. Or whatever it would end up being.

 

My question is this: If I contact her, how should it happen? Should it be a short message (has to be a message, we live on opposite coasts) that is simple like "I hope you are doing well," or do I explain everything? A long message that hides no feelings.

 

Thanks, I apologize if any of this is nonsensical - it is currently 5:20 AM haha.

[SpottiOtti]

Short and sweet. Just open the door for her.

 

If she treated you that terribly in the past, why are you open to reconciliation? Just curious, not trying to convince or anything.

[DifferntString]

If she treated you that terribly in the past, why are you open to reconciliation? Just curious, not trying to convince or anything.

 

 

It's okay haha, definitely wasn't taken as anything beyond a curiosity.

 

There is an extremely long version I could tell that would explain everything; but I will try to dilute it down to what matters. Basically... I came to a realization that she is someone I depended on in ways I never even understood, and that she truly wouldn't be where she is today if it weren't for me. We both affected each others' lives in a huge way, and having her out of my life has been more of a detriment than a positive opportunity to move to something else.

 

I had the opportunity to try a new relationship, but a) knew it was too soon, and b) knew I'd always be comparing whoever I'd be with to my previous girlfriend. And they would never compare.

[seoulmate]

Lets cut to the chase here....this really isn't about her possibly wanting to contact you...this is about you not being able to handle the no contact. If she was going to contact you she would have by now, and it has nothing to do with the "she doesn't know if I would forgive her...". She'd just do it because it would hurt so much inside to not be in contact with you that couldn't withstand it any longer and she'd risk it. Well, she hasn't...

 

So, to answer your question...if you want to break contact because the fact that your not in communication is tough on you and you're not willing to wait anymore then go for it.

 

A simple "Hi, we haven't spoken in a while. I hope you are doing well." Would suffice...

 

But for someone who may not be willing to forgive her at this point you are taking the position of leader in this. You're going to have to lead the conversation. You're going to eventually ask her out. And she gets to sit back and decide if she even wants to meet you again let alone reconcile. That, my fellow ENA member, is called giving her the power. So, if you're ready to hand it over then go for it...

[dumPI]

I have been told that about 3 or 4 weeks ago, she contacted a very good friend of mine. She said that she wanted to talk with me; but was terrified that I wouldn't forgive her. The thing is that I don't know if I'll forgive her right away, but I am having a really hard time knowing that we aren't in communication.

 

There is everything you need to answer your own question. She is just testing the waters to see how mad you are at her (what happened to the new guy?! I am sure there was one). Why didn't she risk contacting you if she wants to talk to you? It seems it's the only way females (my experience talking here) can do these things. Always covertly through someone else.

 

I'd say you wait and don't act. If she thought about it for a while and contacted your friend, she's waiting for your friend to pass you the info and see your reaction (what did you tell her?). If her idea of contacting you is firmly grounded she will carry on be it now or some months later. If her idea is not firmly grounded, why would you like her to contact you anyway? So let her own psyche do its job.