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Should I stay or should I go?


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On paper, I feel like the answer is obvious to a lot of people. I'm a 27-year-old woman working two jobs seeing a 26-year-old that has never had a job in his life, isn't looking for one, and doesn't drive (trust fund kid that lives alone in a house). Those things in of themselves don't bother me so much, but I feel so frustrated that he is unable to take on any responsibilities and I get tired of having to drive us everywhere. But I also feel guilty about being unhappy about those things. I wonder if I'm being really shallow. He loves me very much and I have never felt so emotionally and intellectually compatible with anyone. I've had my slew of abusive relationships in the past, and he has shown me so much love and kindness that I didn't know was even possible. I've suffered from manic depression for much of my life, and he understands what I'm going through and is very patient, kind, and caring. He is very intelligent and obsessed with chemistry and other sciences. He spends a lot of time tinkering and experimenting. But he doesn't seem to have any ambitions. He gets upset and says I'm being pushy if I ask him if he's going to look for jobs or if he'll let me teach him how to drive. We've only been together for six months and I need to decide if this can work out if we have such a strong emotional base. I really desire the "little" things, too... like, it would be nice if he could take me out on a date for once. It's hard to even get him out of the house just to go on a walk with me. Although my last relationship was ultimately horrible, I do miss that my ex liked to take me out on dates and explore new places and go on adventures on a whim. I feel like my current boyfriend just wants to watch TV whenever I'm over and I get so listless and frustrated.

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I vote for "go". He's been this way for 26 years and probably won't change unless something drastic happens (like maybe getting dumped by a person he has a great emotional/intellectual connection with).


At least he's shown you what it's like to be in a relationship with no abuse, and that there are men out there who are kind because you deserve it. And now you know what a great emo/intellectual connection feels like, and that it is possible (and you can find it again - you can totally find it again). And you've also learned that it is important for you that your partner have a good work ethic (I can relate, that's very important to me too), and that he want to try new things and be spontaneous.


It's been six months, I say cut your losses and move on.

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