Not sure what to do. :\

[Ralys]

Me and my girlfriend have been together about a year. We started out just as friends, no romantic interest...it just grew into something more, I guess. Unsurprisingly, the 'honeymoon' feeling didn't last forever.

 

About four months into it, some stuff happened that deeply affected us both...it affected me quite a bit more strongly though; I ended up becoming very depressed and suicidal for a number of months, all of that time she stuck with me, as hard as it was on her.

 

Within the past month or two, I've managed to get myself back under control and start becoming the person she fell in love with again.

 

Recently she's gotten very...cold. Distant. I'm not sure how else to describe it...I used to be able to plainly see how much she loved me, and now I can't. I...I just don't see it anymore. She's not as caring as she used to be, she's gotten even more sensitive and emotional, to the point that I can't ask her to change the way she acts towards me because I know it'll make her cry, or she'll give me some sarcastic, mocking response, 'promising' to 'do better'.

 

She has accused me of 'never defending her'....there was one time recently I was talking to someone about a fight me and her were having, and I said some things I regret very deeply. I wish so much I hadn't said any of it...I apologized for a long time, and did everything I could think of to try to make it better...didn't really work. She 'forgave' me, but she's still upset about it, and she says that's why she acts cold towards me.

 

One thing relating to that that really makes me sad and angry is how she always goes and tells basically everyone she knows her side of the story, making them all hate me, look like a jerk, etc...I've read some of the conversations she had with someone (who she isn't even really friends with, if that tells you how loose she is about it) and it kinda crushed me. I was called immature and stupid more times than I could count, and she just kept agreeing. I saw another conversation some time later that went the same way. Talking to her about it...she denied that's what happened and refused to talk about it again.

 

I have fallen out of love with whoever this cold, mean person who's in my girlfriend's body is. I miss the person I used to know. I miss her more than I can describe. She was literally my very best, and only, friend. And now it seems like she's gone.

 

So...yeah. really really lost here. I feel like I should break up with her, but I feel like I owe her because she stuck by me, and because the thought of giving up the girl I fell in love with just kills me inside.

 

Thanks to anyone who read all this.

[matti]

I hate to say this and I know it sucks, because the relationship has only lasted about a year, but I think your relationship has run it's course and perhaps it's about time you let go and move on. I don't think that the person who she was when you two first met is coming back, especially anytime soon. However, if you take some time apart and focus on yourself, I mean go "No Contact" and really work on improving your life overall and keep that distance/space between you two while you're doing this, perhaps she may just realize what she's lost. It's not guaranteed to work, but I'm sorry to say that there's no possible way that it's going to work out if you allow this relationship to continue down the path it's on. You two are only going to grow farther apart and she'll only resent you more.

 

You have to take action now if you ever want to at least have a chance of repairing the damage that is being done.

 

I totally feel your pain. My most recent relationship lasted a little over a year and I was really disappointed to see it end. But, it is what it is. I'd rather it end sooner than later, rather than continue to try and ultimately resent each other for wasting more time, effort and emotion and ultimately allowing the relationship to reach the point of no return, where the damage is far to great to ever repair. Perhaps, because we ended it so soon, there might just be a chance in the future, if I keep myself at a distance and allow her to fix her own personal problems beforehand. I'm just going to focus on myself and who knows what the future will bring. At least I know that I will be happy at some point and she will be as well. That's all matters in the end regardless.