POV of my ex here? What was she thinking?

[Dan08]

If you check my recent threads you'll see I recently sent a text to me ex basically saying I couldn't hang out with her and I'd see in the coming months and prior to that text we'd been in Southampton with friends which had left me in a bad place but I now feel better.

Anyways I've copied that post below as I was wondering can anyone give me an insight to my ex's thoughts behind this?

 

To me I really thought she wanted a friendship, she was pushing so hard but now considering she didn't reply to my text I sent after Southampton and she's now back at uni was it just a way for her to alleviate any guilt she might have had at ending the relationship one last time before she went back? I will see her at a mutual friends 19th this weekend coming and I'm ready for it I just wonder how she'll play it.

To make matters more complicated I now have reason to believe her best friend has feelings for me and she was there for me in initial aftermath of the breakup though I merely put it down to her digging for information about my life for the ex but she's kept it up and mutual friends believe there to be something there...

 

Anyways the previous thread is below, thanks for any advice you can offer.

 

Been split from the ex for 3 months, did NC for 2 and broke it as I had to see her Christmas Eve and thought we needed the contact so it wasn't overly awkward and I believe it was the right decision. I wasn't bothered about her replies, and when I saw her felt nothing and believed myself to be over her.

 

I've just spent the weekend in Southampton with friends and my ex and have suffered a massive relapse.

Basically me and the ex were walking a little way from my group of friends the other night just shooting **** and she said something I can't remember (I consumed a lot of alcohol) and Iost it. I just turned around the other way and started walking in the other direction tears streaming down my face a flood of emotions hit me like a brick and I just ignored her calling me and my friends aswell to the point my mate runs back for me and I'm bawling my eyes out, punching **** and swearing blind.

Walked back with my mate and just told him I didn't know what was wrong (I still don't know why I lost it so badly)

 

Anyways my ex obvs knew something was up so yesterday she starts being all friendly with be asking am I her friend (after the breakup she wanted friendship and I'd say I'd let her know) but I played difficult and just avoided answering really to the point we're once again walking separate from the group and she's like let's have a heart to heart so we basically do.

 

She mentions the friendship and wants me to be in her life, misses talking to me, found the 2 months NC tough and all this whereas I reply I'm not sure I can open myself up to friendship and risk having her chuck it away once she's back at uni, she states she wouldn't.

 

EDIT - I now realise what I didn't what to admit to myself that if and when she gets a new boyfriend she'll kick me to the kerb and I couldn't open myself up to that again and at the time I couldn't exactly say it to her then because she'd realise I wasn't over her.

 

Anyways the heart to heart ends, there's banter, flirting, references to the previous relationships, hand warming and jokes and it puts me in a good place.

 

However, later that night my mind just doesn't shut down, my mood is terrible and I end up getting up at 2 in the morning and just going out and walking through Southampton in the dead of night for about 5 miles just listening to my music and crying really.

[SpottiOtti]

She misses having you in her life because you were a constant and now you aren't. Of course she does! That's the biggest reason breakups suck; you lose your best friend.

 

She wants to have you around because it's a security blanket for her. She wants you as a "friend" for selfish reasons, so she can call and be "friendly" when she's having a lonely day or when a potential love interest hurts her feelings, she knows she can always have you to fall back on. She wants to keep you as an option.

 

I'm sorry that you're hurting, but glad to hear that you are acknowledging the pain and not burying it.

[Dan08]

I thought definitely keeping me as an option was part of it and yes the obvious answer was she misses me and still wants me in her life in some capacity but then I ask myself the question she didn't acknowledge my text now she's back at uni so it can't be that important to her.

 

It's actually helped me as I realise how selfish she was being and it's allowed me to look at her in a different light and I find I don't care that she's out of my life I really am not bothered about a friendship