she accepted first date and is coming !!! what to do ladies

[kevinsturm]

so i met my ex while she was on vacation in my city, fast forward to now, she broke up with me last month, after a year and a half ldr. she is first year in college and told me she doesnt know what she wants and shes not sure what she wants... originally played it cool, did not beg nothing like that, ignored her for a good 10 days, then xmas wishes were exchanged via text followed by her texting me for new years and we exchanged about 5-6 texts over the next 4 days, very playfull and upbeat. i finally last saturday and ask her to meet up for coffee on wednesday which she accepted. so wednesday we went out for supper and talked abit in the car after, she basically told me shes having fun right now, shes not sure what she wants, and so on. now the last 3 months of our relationship was a burden, i stopped taking her out, and was a burden on her as I would drive to her college and just spend the weekend at her dorm being predictable and boring ( studying watching tv and so on ...) when i saw her wednesday we agreed that the last 3 months were crap. we werent stimulated we wouldnt go out nothing. then we also agreed that the first year of our relationship things were amazing, we were ready to jump off a bridge together if we had to, and they in fact where that amazing. i think the problem became the last 3 months she felt suffocated, pressured (talk ambout moving to same city next year) by me, also she would not get to party with her friends cuz we would just do boring things couples do. during the month weve been apart i got a new job and bought a car and started hitting the gym again this certainly impressed her last wednesday. fast forward to the convo, she said yes she agreed that our first year was so amazing that we were almost perfect but that the past 3 months were crap and that she didnt feel any of the first year emotions within the past 3 months.... i told her, im doing really good right now, i have everything going for me, but id like to try for you to be in it, i then invited her to my city next weekend cuz our 2 hockey teams are playing against each other, so we should be going ot the hockey game which is gonna be insane. i think since shes is very emotional i could be potentially able to show her how much fun we could have (like back in the days, we would spend time at hotels, go to nice restaurants and so on ). so I know were supposed to go to the hockey game, but i was really thinking of wowing her and showing her that no other guy can offer this to her. so basically my question is, before and after the game, should i try to respark her old emotions by bringinher her to the same places i originally brought her, restaurant, top of a mountain and club where we met, OR should i take her to a different restaurant and different bar/club? ladies this one is for you, if you were unsure of what you want , and your ex came and showed you similar things that you guys had at the begg of the relationship when all was rosy, would that hit you emotionally ? remember this girl is very emotional and she comes from a poor family, do you think if i WOW her, she could realize wow, this guy really CAN treat me right like at the beggining of the relationship and not like within the last 3 months.... please any answer would be great, thank you i want to show her that im willing to make this long distance thing work ( its only 100 miles, ) that i can be there for her on a random school night, that we could go out to parties together, rather then me staying home and asking her to call me when she gets home. i know this sounds crazy but what about asking her to give me second chance until a certain date (ie end of febuary ) ? thank you

[kevinsturm]

also since i told her i have a new job at a bank we sort of staerted playing a text game, where she would try to guess which company it was for, she tried to guess and shes wrong, yesterday out of the blue (after 2 days of not speaking ) she texts me hey do you work for ............... ? and i replied no mam and she said mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. im wondering why she texted me to ask that.... she has no relationship with that company whatsoever, could it be her trying to establish contact? cuz if it was, i just shut her down by saying no mam. so since were going to this game saturday, should i keep not texting her until saturday approaches or should i try to ease into contact until then ?

[findingmeandyou]

Man, this girl dumped you, and it sounds like you are trying way too hard to get her back and impress her.

 

Relationships are not supposed to be like this. You are going to have up and down periods, and a good girl is not going to ditch you at those times. You mentioned nice dinners and hotels. Do you want a girl who only sticks around for that stuff and leaves you when you are low key? Yes, you have to keep up the excitement, but from the sounds of it, this girl is high maintenance, and you are setting yourself up to be taken advantage of.

[kevinsturm]

i know where your coming from dude, but its not like its much for me or anything....its not like im pampering her with exciting gifts, just show her a good time, something she is clearly not having in college.

[matti]

I would normally agree with what findingmeandyou said, if I were feeling bitter and if it didn't appear as if she wasn't interested at all whatsoever. But, I don't want to turn you away and deter you from fighting, when there might just be a chance to save what you had. That and a piece of me wishes that my ex would look at our relationship the same way your ex seems to be doing, by looking at the good times we had, rather than the crap that happened at the end due to personal problems that had little to do with the relationship to begin with. But, it is what it is.

 

Anyways, I would personally bring her somewhere new, but similar to the old restaurants, hotels and other places the two of you went. The last thing you want her to think is "This is nice, reliving these experiences. But, the excitement is eventually going to die off with these same activities over and over again". You're better off re-living the same feelings of excitement in brand new places. This way she might just feel that there might just be endless excitement if she stays with you. Try incorporating new activities as well as free activities. Otherwise, if you ever get in a financial bind, you don't want her to feel that you won't be able to provide this excitement anymore.

 

Another issue that you both have to work on is finding the happiness and excitement within your own lives and not expecting the other person to provide it for you. So, you might want to also work together on bettering yourselves and supporting each-other though self-improvement phases, etc.

 

That is my opinion. I hope it helps and works out in the long run.

[kevinsturm]

mattiii thank you very much for your constructive comment, whats it your situation about , if you want to share, i'm willing to give you my 2 cents... btw what do you think i should do right now ? try to initiate contact building up to saturday (Call her to catch up ? ) or just do my own thing and call her on thursday/friday to figure out what time shes coming down ? thanks buddy and best of luck

[matti]

mattiii thank you very much for your constructive comment, whats it your situation about , if you want to share, i'm willing to give you my 2 cents... btw what do you think i should do right now ? try to initiate contact building up to saturday (Call her to catch up ? ) or just do my own thing and call her on thursday/friday to figure out what time shes coming down ? thanks buddy and best of luck

 

Thanks kevinsturm. I appreciate the kind gesture. However, in my situation, it's probably best for me to take a step back and give some space. There's really nothing more I can do at this point that I haven't already tried and to do so now would only stir up more problems than they're worth and most likely push my SO even farther away, if that's even possible.

 

I guess, if anyone does want to help, they can wish me luck, since I really have nothing else to fall back on.

 

Thanks!

[kevinsturm]

well then , i wish you luck, i just dont understand this, i feel like when you spend so much time with someone, and that person is your significant other how can you just turn around and not want to do anything to save it ?

 

do you guys think i should try to initiate contact from now until saturday ? or just continue not to initiate contact with her until like a day before?

[matti]

I know how you feel bro. Trust me, I've tried everything that I could do to save my relationship. I've bent over backwards for her and it didn't change a thing. After a while, there comes a point where it stops being sweet and romantic and starts becoming freaky and stalkerish in their eyes. That's how people end up on restraining orders, haha. Well, I've done everything I possibly can. She knows how I feel. If she wants to try again, she knows where to find me and how to get a hold of me. So, all I can do now is either wait for her to come around (and there's a good possibility that she never will) or let go and move on with my life. Logic says to take the latter and eventually things will turn out. Perhaps not with her. But, eventually they'll turn out regardless. As they always say, "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, it was truly meant to be...". Therefore, if it was meant to be, I'll see my fairytale.

 

Besides, I can't just drop everything in my life, my son, my job, my dreams/goals, my place, etc just to deal with her BS right now, haha. I could have gave her everything she ever wanted (as arrogant as that sounds... I'm just trying to make myself feel better. Don't take it literally . So... It's her loss... not mine!