Struggling hardcore with motivation

[vix8]

I've been through a lot in my life, and I've been really depressed.. currently I'd say I'm just starting to come out from that depression. Thing is.. I have no motivation to do anything still, but I feel okay. A lot of the times I feel emotionless though, like I'm nothing, like I'm just living on this planet day by day and nothing is changing. I just wake up, do what I have to do, procrastinate due dates, come home, sit on my laptop for hours playing dumb games like tetris and listening to music. There's things in my head I want to get up and do, but I can't move, I just sit on my bed on my laptop for hours. I don't care about stuff anymore. It doesn't bother me that I stay in every friday and saturday, I couldn't care less if I saw my friends or not. I'm absolutely sick and tired of university. I feel so drained from my program that I switched to part time. I only have two classes a semester, two classes!!! and I still have to realllllly force myself to get the work done. I just want school to be over so I can breathe.

 

It's not like I don't want get better.. because I do. I've done everything.. I've turned into a pretty spiritual person and I feel like it's helped me a lot coming out from depression. Every bad thing that I've held on tight to in the past that I was angry or sad about I have forgave the situation and I feel fine with everything that has happened, except for one, which is my recent break-up.. but I'm positive I'll be over it by the time summer comes around. I just want to feel alive again. I've even changed my diet, I've even seen a therapist, I signed up for classes that would count as exercise so I make sure I go. I refuse to go on pills, I feel like they aren't the answer.. but then sometimes I wonder if I'm clinically depressed and actually need them, but I'm so against them.

 

I really don't want the typical advice here, because I've tried it all. The goal thing doesn't work for me because I'm not motivated. I would appreciate it if someone who had gone through the same thing as me can tell me a way of how to get out of it so I can get on with my life. I have so much dreams, I haven't given up, I know I'm capable of what I want, I've worked so hard to be happy again... I just have zero motivation.

[blueidealist24]

I think you should try to "force" yourself to see your friends even if you feel like you don't want to. Sometimes having other people around can provide inspiration to do things you normally don't want to do.

[vix8]

I do that as well, every time someone asks me to chill, I chill no matter what unless there's something more important in the way.

[duke nukem]

Maybe cut back on the games and computer usage and use that time doing something where you're engaged and productive or especially some of those things you want to do. I've definitely noticed that when I would fall back into the habit of playing video games too often or just vegetating in front of a computer or television screen, the balance in my life was thrown way off and as such every aspect of my life suffered. It seems like people are in their best state when they are productive. When you do little to nothing it's like quicksand; it sucks you down deeper and is harder to break away from.

[chickydoodle]

I feel the same; no motivation to do anything.....feeling numbed to pain AND joy.

If you are on antidepressants as I am , they can be a contributing factor.....I tried coming off but had instant depression and severe emotional lows.

I have decided to roll with my apathetic state of being until I find a more rewarding career.....or can survive with no job.....

My job is the primary cause of my emotional despair but I need the money so must stay on the antid's to help me endure it.

 

I am gonna allow myself this time to be unmotivated .....a break from despair, without feeling guilty.

[vix8]

Yeah that's exactly what it is.. it's so hard to break away from the games. Last night I printed out all my stuff for school, and I've decided that starting monday.. for a week.. no laptop. Hopefully I can commit and hopefully it works!

[vix8]

No I refuse to go on pills, because I'm afraid of exactly what you just told me. I watch my mom go on and off of them, and doctors try to convince me, but I still refuse. Maybe you should look for a new job? But I know it's easier said then done, because you have motivation.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

I completely understand how you feel because I am basically in the same state of mind. I want to let you know that I empathize, but I don't really have a solution for you. The only thing I can offer is for you to save up for something that you can afford within 6 months and put all of your focus on that. I don't know what you think of this, but it's basically what I do. Sorry if it's a lame solution.

[vix8]

I've saved for a trip, I'm going on vacation in April, so it's something to look forward to. It's weird, I never feel as excited anymore.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

I've saved for a trip, I'm going on vacation in April, so it's something to look forward to. It's weird, I never feel as excited anymore.

 

Dude, I completely understand. Actually, I can relate. It's sad to say, but you aren't just gonna be happy to be happy anymore. You aren't going to anticipate things as you used to. However, you can still make the most of enjoyable moments. I have found that, when you are feeling depressed, any change is good change. Go out and do something different, change up a habit, or alter your schedule. Personally, I just go driving somewhere I've never been while playing my music loudly. I'm not saying you have to do that, but find something that does it for you. Look, I joined this forum yesterday. Why? I just needed some sort of change. I'm not normally active on any forums, so this will be a huge change of pace. It's sad to think that you can't just be satisfied by sitting around, but make that a reason to do something.

[Heather Dawn]

Depression can be exhausting - not just mentally, but physically. And that's why your motivation is non-existent. And it's easy for others to suggest that you force yourself to do things, but it's not as easy to actually do it. Are you still in therapy? Counseling can be extremely helpful in working through depression, even if you're not sure why you're depressed. And there are lots of different types of therapy, too. And don't discount medication. If you've got a chemical imbalance causing your depression, then it's not different than taking medication to treat a physical ailment.

 

Finding spirituality is great, though. Have you tried anything like yoga or meditation? How about joining a gym or going out and walking a mile or two every day. It's amazing how much physical exercise can help depression.

[quirky]

I don't think you should force yourself to do things but I do agree with this

 

people are in their best state when they are productive

 

You can find one, two things you like and immerse yourself in it. Staying away from the laptop is a good idea too, it will be hard to start with but you'll become creative you'll find something to do, maybe a puzzle?

 

I wanted to ask you..is it more apathy you feel rather than depression ? The events you mention at the beginning of your thread..is it recent?

 

I was governed by apathy all of last year and I researched on it and found that apathy was very much linked to a loss of hope. Do you feel that?

[meoww]

I think both thoughts and behavior become habit, and I think it's partly a matter of choice, or making choices to act or think in a way that is beneficial to us. I don't think you are ill or doing anything wrong, but at some point you are probably going to just get sick of being numb. I don't think you could be like this forever, or even 3 years.

 

Being happy isn't necessarily the most true state of being, but it just makes our lives so much easier. If we were realistic all the time, we'd be paralyzed with guilt for all the suffering in the world or in fear of death. If people were always practical, they'd never suffer a broken heart or depression.

 

There is some basis in truth for choosing to be apathetic, because we don't really know if our lives have meaning. Like the guy above me said, maybe you've lost hope. But to an apathetic person, hope itself probably seems a bit meaningless.

 

I think you just have to decide for yourself what is important to you. Maybe social and societal expectations are making you feel helpless. You are allowed to live the way you want without guilt as long as you aren't hurting people. I think under the apathy there may be other emotions like grief, anger, or confusion.