Follow up on previous post...

[xoxoxo21]

Hey everyone! If you read my last post please help me!

 

I can't seem to get through to my husband. Get this he told me that he can no longer even trust me with his money. He is telling me that he can't trust me because he thinks I am going to spend it on John. I think he is being really immature.

 

Everytime we argue he calls me names and tells me why dont you just go with John, or he'll call me John. Whenever we argue he always turns things around and tells me to shut up because this is what I get for cheating on him. I seriously don't know what to do. He has totally blown this whole thing out of wack.

 

He tells me that I am not telling him the truth he tells me that Im a w**** because I didn't know his name or anything about him...I didn't even do anything. He tells me that we had sex.

 

This is ruining our relationship and frankly I don't think it's my fault. What CAN I DO? I am going out of my mind, andI can't seem to defend myself with him because he always comes back with something.

 

Please help me....

[avman]

I think its time for you two to head to marital counseling. This could really destroy your marriage as it seems you have cheated in his eyes. I think a neutral third party could maybe help you sort this all out and give you some ideas on how to establish trust.

 

On a side note, it seems like your husband has some serious control issues. I don't know if those started prior to the whole kissing another guy issue - but my guess is that its always been there.

[xoxoxo21]

My husband is going to Iraq for a year and I will go back to my home state. He is telling me that he wants me to stay where we are living because he doesn't trust me to be back home because I might kiss the guy I DIDNT EVEN KISS or even know again.

 

I will not be going to anymore parties but he doesn't seem to believe me. He thinks I am going to take all his money and leave.

[avman]

Well I'm not really sure what to tell you. With him going to Iraq for a year does he expect you to do absolutely nothing but sit at home alone for a year? Thats unrealistic. I'm not saying you should be out clubbing and flirting with every guy you see, but geez whats the big deal about going to some parties and socializing?

 

Why is he so insecure anyway?

[cleverme123]

He sounds like he is abusive. He is using John as an excuse to make you feel like crap and quite frankly in a marriage if there is infidelity you either get past it or you get divorced. It will always be trudged up in anger and it's worse when you fight. I would try a counselor also, but if he continues with the name calling and the slander start packing now, it will only get worse. I went through this before and I am currently living it!

[xmrth]

I'm curious-- how did your husband find out about it?

It could be who told him, such as what was said exactly, etc.

[Cecelius]

I think he has some issues, and he should be willing to work them out.

 

I also think you should have told him what happened. Not as a confession, but keeping it quiet is exactly what a SO fears: if it was nothing to worry about, why not let him know that a jack--s insulted you, you took care of it -- no issue.

 

As to the fact that it was before they got married: that's exactly what bugs him about it. Before he makes a committment, he should be entitled to hear about these kinds of things. I agree its a non-issue, why make it one by keeping it quiet?

 

Either way, assuming the facts as you state them, you erred in a tiny, tiny way in not telling him, and he's oversenstive about it.

 

Does anyone think he's entitled to a service man's discount since he's going into a war zone and may be a little emotional at the moment?

[cleverme123]

I led a military life for about 3 years. They are usually like that in war and usually bring it home. tons have psychiatric problems, abuse, drinking, anger problems. He may be stressed but still should not be abusive.