Broken Up... Or not...

[lillady898]

Okay, well... I broke up with my boyfriend today! After wondering for hours on end, I made my decision. I finally found the strength, which I am so proud of. I don't have a question, I just feel like sharing.

 

First, it helps to learn about my situation... If you want, here is the link to one of them (otherwise you can look them up... there's quite a few I had about trying to break up):

link removed

 

It all started when he called and told me that next year he would be moving into an apartment with 3 people. Okay, fine. Then he added that it was with 2 guys and a girl. Okay, I can deal... Then he said, yes, they'd probably party a bit. Ohh no! I flipped, seeing as how he said he was D-O-N-E drinking, especially after the mistakes he's made. Then he had the nerve to say, "It's okay, we'll be just friends by then anyway." I hung up. Called a friend. Cried. Ripped stuff to shreads. Called him back.

 

He had a big head, as if he had me wrapped around his finger. I started telling him I was upset (not even planning to break it off yet). He didn't care. I told him my heart was broken. He stopped listening. I went through all the reasons why I loved him. Still, not listening. I broke up with him. He didn't hear me, until after I said his name a few times. He laughed. I said, "I just broke up with you." His reply: "Oh."

 

I went through the reasons why. I was both firm and friendly. I told him I would be okay, because I have the strength. I told him I'd do great things in my life. I told him, I still loved him. I told him that I had no regrets and would do it all over again if I could. I told him if he ever needed anyone to talk to, feel free to call.

 

His reply? "I didn't think it would hurt this much." He broke down. We talked about it for a while. He spoke sincerely for the first time in weeks. I reminded him that "you never know what you have until it's gone." He then said, "I know it's probably too late, but I still want things to work out." We talked for an hour more.

 

We decided to give it a chance, but I told him this:

"If we're going to do this, we are BOTH going to put in the effort. I am not going to make it work on my own. We are going to be nice to eachother, and not degrade eachother. We will respect eachother and show eachother love. I am not going to retry only to set myself up for another heartbreak. If I see the same pattern coming back, it WILL end. You will learn the real meaning of unconditional love."

 

He agreed, and now we are moving forward. He decided not to get that apartment, which is something big he is giving up. This is basically his college life he's messing with. He even admitted that he was not treating me the way I deserved, stating, "If you were as mean to me as I was to you, I'de probably even cry..." And he said that I deserve the best, because I am a really great girl. And he is prepared to be in this forever.

 

I don't know if this whole thing was just a reality check or something for him, because I've never showed him how strong I really am. Before I go to bed tonigh, he has a surprise for me. I've gotta call him...

 

I just hope this all works out!!...

[hurtbylove]

I hope it works out for the best...

 

 

Otherwise it just seems like you're going around the same trap again.

 

I don't know what to say this time. Maybe people do change, but then again, old habits die hard.

 

Honestly, from an outsider perspective, he does have you wrapped around his finger.

 

You still aren't strong enough to break away from him.

 

This event tonight will just reinforce what he knew all along, that he can screw up, cry a little and that it'll all be ok.

 

I will give this advice, the water isn't clear yet, and there may be storms yet to come. Be very wary.

[ForAnother]

All I can say is good luck

 

ForAnother

[lillady898]

Actually... Things have gotten better. I guess you really have to understand both of our situations to understand some of our problems. We come from two different lifestyles. He comes from a life of liberal alcoholics and abusers, I come from a conservative non-drinking family with stong morals. He's came from a relatively poor family and had to work for everything he has. I, on the other hand, had life handed to me and my parents are having problems giving me my independance.

 

He told me how much he doesn't want to lose me. He sang me to bed over the phone. Not like he's some big singing guy. He just knows how much I love to be singed to. He's left me voicemails saying he loves me. And he said, that I finally made him realize something... He was acting just like his father. Trust me, that alone is enough to make him change. He's been a lot different after I told him my expectations. I know it's going to take time to really see where this is going, but we've had a lot of long conversations. I feel like we're actually listening to eachother better, rather than every word going in one ear and out the other.

 

And I highly doubt that my strength can be determined by allowing him to be mine again or not. There are other circumstances that make the whole situation a bit different. I believe in giving second chances. Especially to someone who has became a part of my family. Through everything we have both stood up to in our past, I know we were meant to be together. We've gotten through illnesses, deaths, family disputes, etc. together. At this point, I just don't want my relationship with him to be pre-judged when there are so many factors that are playing into this.

 

Just thought I'd add that for those of you who do not believe in unconditional love.

[ForAnother]

Once a snake... always a snake I say. I hope he doesn't turn back the old direction.

 

ForAnother