Am I going to jail?

[intoodeep]

I'm in so deep I don't know where to start. Let me begin by saying I have been in a verbally abusive marriage for 30 years. My husband is a dictator and I have learned to accept that. I have struggled to keep peace in our home for years. The least little thing ( no peanuts in the cabinet, supper not hot enough..etc) It was also very difficult raising our daughters and projecting an "all perfect world" during their teen-age years. I had to hide everything , if not then I would suffer days of cursing, yelling and told it was my fault. He has threatened to rip the telephone out ( because it was 6.00 more than usual), I was threatened not to use the telephone to check on my dying uncle (local- long distance charge). I would have to go to the service station and use the pay telephone to call. If the electric bill was high he'd rant and rave blaming me because I washed clothes too often. He has cheated on me twice during our marriage, his reasoning was very abusive as well, he said I did nothing to turn him on, made crude statements like " You don't even give me an erection anymore"…just mean mean things. We are back together; quite honestly I cannot make it financially on my own. During our children's at home years (last child left this summer) I would charge things that they needed, or wanted. My husband and my incomes are barely enough for us to just get by. But if my husband wanted steak then he expected it, same with take-outs..etc.. To make a longer story short. I have charged stuff to the point I can't make the payments anymore. And some of these charge cards are in his name only. I know I am facing jail time. In all honesty I believe my husband would find it enjoyable to press charges, I would probably be injured as well. This is all my fault and I know that. I'm so scared. What can I do? Where should I start?

[avman]

It is not necessarily true that you will face jail time. There are options including taking bankruptcy and filing for divorce from your husband and having the debt transferred to him. But I don't want to steer you in the wrong direction.

 

My advice - find yourself a good attorney and get some sound legal advice. There is a lot at stake and you need an advocate who is looking out for your best interests.

 

And don't beat yourself up too badly about this. You are not the first person to get in debt over their head. It does not make you a bad person.

[Aktrez]

Believe me, you wont' be going to jail for credit card debt. There is no debters prison.. Personal experience. They can threaten, but there is VERY little they can legally do. It will just ruin your credit.

[intoodeep]

The debt is now in my husbands name (mine is no where on it) so isn't that fraud? I'm sure when/if he finds out he'll submit a police report.And although I do blame his abusive manners for me taking this route...(if I could have talked with him about our financial sitaution) this is totally all my fault, and I do feel like a bad person. I'm so disappointed in myself. How can I file bankrupt when debt is in his name?

 

Husband just emailed me and ask what was for supper, I said spagetti (which he normally loves) his reply: well I guess I'll f ing starve tonight. Now while I'm cooking supper he'll look in the cabinet and throw the cans at the front to the back the entire time cursing because I don't have what he wants. My grocery bill is unreal beacuse I try to keep everything I could imagine he'd want (to keep from hearing his mouth). I try hard to please and it has cost me dearly.

[avman]

You two are married, so its joint debt. Its not fraud. If you incurred the debt to contribute to the household thats not fraud. If you incurred the debt to squirrel away money and hide it from your husband - now THAT would be fraud.

 

A married couple can file joint bankruptcy which discharges the debt from both people.

[intoodeep]

I thought since the card was in his name only that no one else had any right to use it. In all honesty I still believe he'll file charges against me.

 

And I wish I could talk to him about all this but I can't.

[avman]

Did you sign his name on the charges or your name?

[intoodeep]

his...most payments done over the telephone (no signature)

[avman]

Hmm. Well if you forged his signature thats not so good.

 

I'd really recommend talking to an attorney in this case. I'd do this prior to talking to your husband about it to make sure you are protected. What you say to your husband or to others can have an impact on what happens as a result of this.

[sasha12]

I'm more worried about you and the abuse you are going through. I mean I'm really sorry to hear that your husband is so demanding and controlling and it sounds like you will continue to please him to avoid getting yelled at and I fear that you are going to get yourself into more trouble trying to please him. I feel very sorry for you. I was married to someone who was very abusive and controlling and I have so many finanPleasecial problems I could'nt begin to find my way out but I think you really need to go and get some counseling so that you can be more assertive with your husband. Please don't let him keep beating up on you.

[Mun]

Hi there,

I read through your post and wondered if this idea of going to jail might have come from the bill collectors.

 

Thelink removed has guidelines that debt collectors must follow when attempting to collect a debt. I hope you find time to read through this page: link removed

 

Note: Pay special attention to information on the page below the heading What types of debt collection practices are prohibited?

[Eh Im Canadian]

Well, from what you have told us, it sounds like you were coerced into doing this. Also, wouldn't he notice if you were using his credit card? So unless you racked up all of these debts this month, your fine. Well not exactly fine, because you have no money, but you aren't going to go to jail.

[asdf]

Divorce your husband. Tell the police about his abuse.

 

I, along with my bigger brother and mother, have been beaten up by my father. My mother would always just take it, over and over again when me and my brother were little, and we'd also pretend not to know when my mother was getting hurt. When my brother grew up he fought my father back, and it stopped the physical abuse for a while, but the arguments still kept on coming. My brother eventually ran away.

 

After he left, it was just me, my mom, and my dad. My dad would start getting violent again, and whenever he struck my mom, I would start fighting him again, and lose all the time. My mom still kept on giving in to him, and even told me off for fighting him.

 

I know what it's like to feel caught in a cycle, and to be helpless and not in control. It takes a lot of will power and it's scary, but you have to understand that you don't deserve this kind of treatment. Nobody in the world does.

 

I'm getting really angry now, just by remembering this, and I'm not really thinking too clearly right now, but I know for sure that you should not go on like that. You can't let anybody else hurt you. You're number one. Your kids will understand in time too.

[dizzymeg]

I agree with everyone. I doubt you will face jail time for credit card debt. Especially since you guys are married.

 

I'm very sorry for the abuse you are going through. You've got to understand that you are not useless, or any of the mean things he tells you. It's about power. You have got to file for divorce from him, file a police report along with a restraining order (if necessary), and move to a women's shelter. I really doubt it will be easy to do but you've got to get away from him. Even if you love him. Don't sacrifice yourself. He'll never be happy until he gets some help.

 

Also when you told him you were having spaghetti for dinner, I don't think it would have mattered what you said, even if you told him we're having filet mignon, he just wanted to take a shot at you.

 

 

Don't take it, get help!!

[avman]

It isn't the credit card debt that is a problem. Its the forging of the signature that is the problem. I don't know how much of a problem, but its a problem. Thats why I urge legal counsel.

 

As with the others I am fully in support of you divorcing your abusive husband and getting some help for yourself.

[moe42]

i know im young and you probobly wont even pay attention to me because of this but in my opinion you NEED to get out no matter what. my sister (age 31)just got out of an abusive relationship it got so bad that it put her in the hospitol im a coma....she died 3 weeks later. even though you are having finantial problems its no excuse (sorry if the truth hurts) stay with a friend or you mother. even one of your children! if this is not an option go to a womens shelter they will set you up with schooling if you need it, money, a house, and a good paying job. while he isnt hitting you now i can guarentee he will eventually, the worst abuse begings with put downs threats and low self esteam, they use this to make you feel useless or unwanted so that you wont leave when they do start the physical or even sexual abuse. also putting on a face for your children was a bad idea...i can also guarentee they knew what was going on and when you pretended like nothing was wrong that made it seem like what your husband was doing was acceptable which it isnt. that idea can make them put themselves into abusive relationships. in my sisters case she has 2 children a boy(12 yrs) and a girl (10 yrs) already he is showing abusive signs such as slapping his sister and saying she is worthless and she better do what he tells her or he will f*** her up. like i said im young and i know i have a lot to learn but i know i am right about this, if it has come to a point where you know he is abusive/violent you should already know to get out.

P.S. in your phone book are some hotline #s that you can call to find a shelter ........please dont turn out like my sister....your children need you get out while you can