Acceptance?

[star554]

My ex and I have been broken up for about a week now. And NC has failed us.. we've both been in contact. Maybe that's the problem? I keep telling myself to accept that it's over but god, it's sooo hard! How do I convince myself that it is? I'm finding it so hard to let go completely. I'm making scenarios in my head of what will happen when I see him again or him coming back as soon as he misses me. I feel like I'm going to go insane. What do you think? And I'd love to know about anyone who went through a similar situation.

[rask]

That's why you need to stick with NC, as hard as it may be. As long as this person is in your life, you're allowing yourself to fantasize about these scenarios in hopes that he will come back.

 

Cut the contact, seriously, it's not good for either. You need time to heal.

[Michele15]

Why the break up?

[star554]

My ex and I actually just had a "last" conversation until atleast after the holidays and we just sat down and discussed everything. This was really good for me. It gave this relationship of ours the closure I wanted... and ofc it'll take time to get over, but for now, I don't feel as depressed anymore. I think somewhere along the relationship, I became very dependent on him -- he said he needed time for himself. And when things went slightly wrong, we'd just break up -- it was toxic and volatile because we could be perfectly happy one day and angry and depressed the next. Staying happy for a full week had become a task. We had one of our usual breakups and he said he can't get back together anymore. After talking to him today, I realized exactly what he was thinking and agree with him. I had lost myself. I was constantly thinking about the relationship and nothing else... like other stuff in my life didn't matter. On the phone we agreed that for the next few weeks, we should go NC, or atleast LC. And I'm in his town for a competition in 3 weeks -- we might meet up then to catch up with holiday festivities and such. I'm just happy that I'm not doing NC out of bitterness or to teach him a lesson anymore but for me, to rediscover myself.

 

Another thing that does help me is knowing he isn't bitter either. We had exchanged a lot of petty words in the past few days because of this breakup... and I had begun to question whether he cared about me or how he could be so distant. Knowing what he felt makes things easier. I wish we could have had an open conversation like this soon after we broke up... but I'm pretty content at the moment. Even if it's the end, that friendship door in the future seems wide open. One thing I have to get past is, I kinda wanted to hear that there will be no one else in the next few weeks atleast. But he didn't really confirm that for me and merely said, at this moment, he's just getting over things himself but even he can't predict where he will be before we talk. This did throw me aback because I didn't expect either of us to think about seeing other people so soon after a break up, but you can't have everything your way, can you...