I miss my love.

[InfinityCrisis]

Hi all,

 

First time posting here, I broke up with my girlfriend of 3+ years this week and my life is a wreck. She was my best friend and the only girl I've loved this much, we grew apart the last few months and ended it mutually. Neither of us fought for each other during the breakup, we barely talked and laughed the last few weeks and rarely had sex (we normally had sex everyday for 3 years). Tried to hit the gym tonight and go to yoga; could barely get through workouts because she was my cardio/lifting partner. I was faithful and so was she (as far as I know) - as we spent almost every night together but our attraction/love to each other just withered, we became friends.

 

Like me, she's a proud person, and has never seen me cry in the 3 years we've been together; though I've wiped her tears away before. I am a mess, left the office early today and cried in an empty building in my car after passing a restaurant we would attend. Barely held it together, I'm scared the tears won't stop once they start. I still love her and wanted to spend my life with her. Am just missing the love chemicals (oxytocin/dopamine) my body produced when we were together?

 

I'm not the only one going through this, I hope any of you going through this understand you're not alone. Maybe we weren't meant to be, sent her a message thanking her company after she said she wasted the last 3 years with me. A few girls are interested in seeing me but I just want to cry alone.

 

Advice? I haven't cried since being a kid, all these emotions are overwhelming me.

[Gilson]

Best thing to do is let it out. Easiest way to realise you're just human like the rest of us.

[FrenchFries]

Let the tears flow for awhile. It is healthy and normal to miss someone you were with for 3 years, even if you had grown apart. Sorry.

[InfinityCrisis]

I can't, just scared the tears won't stop once they start, I'm trying my best to hold them back now but they keep coming. What the hell is wrong with me? How long does this last? They keep falling on my laptop.

 

I don't want to feel this way. Just gonna wash these tears away, can't let my friends see me like this.

[skyhop333]

It's okay to let it out. The tears do stop at a point where your head hurts and your tired. But holding it in does more damage physically and emotionally. I know you don't want to feel this way. None of us did when it was our time. It will dull over a couple days to a tolerable level. Just for the time being, try to distance yourself from places that remind you too much of her. The gym is something you should not avoid tho because you need to keep your health in check. I know it feels like a part of you has passed on. That is unavoidable. But, I am sure she's not too happy right now either. It will hit her as hard as it did you and give it a week or so. It will be hard but it's okay to let the emotions out. Please don't hold them it as it does unwanted damage. You heal faster by letting the tears fall.

[860ffg]

I think you are on the right track admitting and coming in terms with your feelings.

Every end feels like a loss to us, and we are all messed up after.

 

It takes a while, but you will be better very soon. I think you are doing great, just take it easy, and don't hold your feelings.

[xyd]

from personal experience, the more i held my feelings, well, the more it got bottled up. with all that 'emotional' pressure, i exploded eventually and i couldn't stop myself from crying... and destroying things.

[InfinityCrisis]

Thank you both, it's painful because I was raised with the idea that 'boys don't cry' (masculinity sucks at times). Also lonely since this is the first christmas being alone in a long time. Finally stopped crying

 

No point obsessing on the past or thinking of a future that might've been, I understand it's normal to feel this way in this moment so like you both said - just gotta let it out.

 

Skyhop, my workouts have been horrible lately and so's my diet; I've had one meal and one glass of water today; least my abs are looking shredded. The hardest part is listening to love songs, they remind me of her - should I avoid listening to them? In the grand scheme of things, my problems are insignificant and I should be thankful right? Am I selfish to feel this way, when there are others who have it much worse? The world doesn't stop moving because of my breakup, I'm responsible for my own emotions yet the pain comes and goes. Hoping it dulls soon.

 

 

Yep, exactly what happened after work today. I've kept my feelings and tears in for so long they came out and it physically hurt me. My heart was beating in my chest. Just don't want others to see me as vulnerable/weak, even though I know it's normal to be vulnerable.

[Limiya]

Hey, allow your tears to flow. Holding them back won't help you. Trust me. I have cried and cried and i found it is much better at relieving my pain than swallowing it.

They will stop. The tears come in waves. You cry them out, then they stop on their own for a while, and then you'll cry some more, and so on.

 

It's going to take you time. You love her. you miss her. They memories. It's all going to hurt and you were together quite a long time.

I'm 4 months past my breakup and i still cry sometimes, and he is still on my mind every day, all day. BUT the tears are less, and the pain is less, and i'm able to get on with things easier.

 

Try and keep busy if you can, it helps. Do new things. Fun things. Things you enjoy. See friends, family. Spend time with loved ones as much as possible. Especially at this time of year.

DO NOT DATE!! It's not fair to string other girls along if you're not over your ex. It's good to heal yourself before moving on.

 

If you wanna chat i'm here. We're all going through these hard times.

Limiya

[InfinityCrisis]

Thnx Limiya and everyone else in this thread. I'm glad I let it all out, although it's bittersweet to know the tears will come in waves during the 'healing process'.

 

I keep questioning myself instead of accepting it's over, the one question that keeps coming up is: "Was it wrong for me to want sex everyday with her?". I have a high sex drive, and she always told me how satisfied she was with our sex life. Should I place less emphasis on sex in my next relationship (whenever that is, no rush)? Do I need sex therapy?

 

Sorry to hear that, breakups suck and you must've loved him a lot if you still think about him every day after 4 months. Unfortunately us guys don't have the support network most women do; we don't discuss breakups or pain with our friends for fear of losing face.

 

I'll do my best to keep busy, you're right about not dating/rebounding - my mind's still a mess and the last thing I want to do is hurt someone else with my problems. I'm just hurting but have to accept reality.

[DepthOfField]

My MAIN advice is to KEEP exercising. Time and exercise is your only medicine. Keep doing Yoga. Lift weights. Heavy weights. Run, run like hell. Do Yoga, breathe.

 

EAT. Force yourself to eat. Drink lots of water, drink juice, force it down. Take a multivitamin. take protein shakes/meal replacements.

 

Not exercising/eating/drinking will increase the pain.

 

Take care brother, the hardest part is now over, it's only going to get easier from now on.

[InfinityCrisis]

My MAIN advice is to KEEP exercising. Time and exercise is your only medicine. Keep doing Yoga. Lift weights. Heavy weights. Run, run like hell. Do Yoga, breathe.

 

EAT. Force yourself to eat. Drink lots of water, drink juice, force it down. Take a multivitamin. take protein shakes/meal replacements.

 

Not exercising/eating/drinking will increase the pain.

 

Take care brother, the hardest part is now over, it's only going to get easier from now on.

Thanks cousin,

 

I'll take it one day at a time and do like you suggested, I'll force myself to eat and drink liquids, watch my diet and stay on top of exercise. Today, I couldn't eat til around 7pm but I was able to hold food down. It'll get better, I'll use this thread as a daily journal - thanks again!

[DepthOfField]

Make sure you're apart on Social networking websites. I can't stress this enough. The second my ex and I broke up, I turned in to this cyber creep, checking her FB page every 5 minutes. Interpreting the most innocent activities. Def a step in the wrong direction. Thank god she deleted me.

 

Take care of yourself man! Again, you just gotta suck it up for the time being, like a stomach flu. It will get exponentially easier day by day.

[bbb888]

Hey buddy,

 

I enjoyed your post because I am basically going through the same thing. My ex of 3 years and I decided to take a break back in april and a month ago today she decided to end it. Safe to say I have been devastated. I just cant seem to make sense of the whole thing, but hopefully we both we will time. You are only a week in to your grief. And it does get easier...but it takes forever. I think about my ex all the time and literally everything in my life reminds me of her. I have no spoken to her since she dumped me. And I have gone through numerous emotional stages since that morning. Right now its anger. But Im not a cryer either, but I still cry about it. Admittedly the tears have become fewer and further between, but I still have my moments. Like you I thought she was the love of my life. None of this makes any sense to me, and it probably doesn't to you either. But we just have to be hopeful that one day it will, and we will be better off because of it. Just know that you're not alone in how you feel and your post made me realize that I am not either.

[Limiya]

Hey IC,

Let me say first of all, there is nothing wrong with you or your sex drive. Let's make that clear. You're normal, and if we were all the same then life would be pretty boring eh?

 

Yes i loved him with all my heart, even though he wasn't perfect by a long shot. My love was unconditional. Yes i think of him everyday, but time makes things easier. Trust me. Also No Contact makes it easier to heal yourself instead of having the wound ripped open time and time again. But we were together 6 years, that's why it's still so strong for me.

 

Good luck You're doing a good job so far.

Limiya

[Singledom]

Good luck Chris stay strong.

 

It wont be easy at first but trust me with everyday it will get easier & easier.

 

 

I know you don't think it's possible now but you will be ok & happy again in the not so distant future

[InfinityCrisis]

Make sure you're apart on Social networking websites. I can't stress this enough. The second my ex and I broke up, I turned in to this cyber creep, checking her FB page every 5 minutes. Interpreting the most innocent activities. Def a step in the wrong direction. Thank god she deleted me.

 

Take care of yourself man! Again, you just gotta suck it up for the time being, like a stomach flu. It will get exponentially easier day by day.

Definitely, deactivated FB way back so it's all good - probably natural to be curious bout what your ex is up to; good thing is you understand it was unhealthy. Let us know how you've been doing since the breakup.

 

Much love.

Hey buddy,

 

I enjoyed your post because I am basically going through the same thing. My ex of 3 years and I decided to take a break back in april and a month ago today she decided to end it. Safe to say I have been devastated. I just cant seem to make sense of the whole thing, but hopefully we both we will time. You are only a week in to your grief. And it does get easier...but it takes forever. I think about my ex all the time and literally everything in my life reminds me of her. I have no spoken to her since she dumped me. And I have gone through numerous emotional stages since that morning. Right now its anger. But Im not a cryer either, but I still cry about it. Admittedly the tears have become fewer and further between, but I still have my moments. Like you I thought she was the love of my life. None of this makes any sense to me, and it probably doesn't to you either. But we just have to be hopeful that one day it will, and we will be better off because of it. Just know that you're not alone in how you feel and your post made me realize that I am not either.

bbb888; sorry bout your breakup - sounds like you're doing the right thing with NC and just taking time to get over her. Good outlook on things eventually getting better, have you made time for friends and family to help you get over the breakup? Anything interesting happen that surprised you or that you've learned about during the breakup? Nah, you're definitely not alone, part of life we all go through; but like any big crisis it depends on how we handle it. Trying to roll with the punches, speaking of - I wanna get back to boxing. My lifts have been super bad lately, hoping cardio will make it better.

 

Hey IC,

Let me say first of all, there is nothing wrong with you or your sex drive. Let's make that clear. You're normal, and if we were all the same then life would be pretty boring eh?

 

Yes i loved him with all my heart, even though he wasn't perfect by a long shot. My love was unconditional. Yes i think of him everyday, but time makes things easier. Trust me. Also No Contact makes it easier to heal yourself instead of having the wound ripped open time and time again. But we were together 6 years, that's why it's still so strong for me.

 

Good luck You're doing a good job so far.

Limiya

Would be boring; I thought there was something wrong with me for wanting sex everyday for the longest time - no matter how much I took her on dates or road trips or vacations, it made no difference and sex dropped down again.

 

6 years is a long time, mine was half of that and I feel horrible. Can't imagine what the rest of you are going through but you all seem to be in a good place - hoping I can get there eventually. Thnx for the kind words.

Good luck Chris stay strong.

 

It wont be easy at first but trust me with everyday it will get easier & easier.

 

 

I know you don't think it's possible now but you will be ok & happy again in the not so distant future

Thanks Singledom + everyone. Still going NC except when coordinating our move, deactivated social networks a few years back so that's no problem.

 

Friend of mine invited me to her place for dinner tonight, I said I'd go; am I making a mistake? She's a pretty hot chick and I'd like a girl to spend time with, just don't want to start crying if she tries to kiss me. I'm not ready to have sex with someone else. Would she be hurt if I didn't want to have sex?

 

My emotions are still all over the place, I've picked up a book called 'When Things Fall Apart' so I'll read that tonight before dinner. Don't know what I'm doing besides grasping at straws.

[InfinityCrisis]

Just an update: *** is wrong with me?

 

Friend asked me out and got a bite with me, went back to my place and had sex. I told her I'm not ready for a relationship at all and she understands, did I ever love my ex? How could I move on so fast?

 

Still going NC. Can someone help me? Am I moving too fast? I keep judging my actions.

[benjii]

Ye mate you still love her maybe you done it because you wanted to feel wanted or was horny as hell. You maybe moving to fast but don't judge your actions be yourself have fun

[DepthOfField]

went back to my place and had sex.

 

Was it good? Bad? Weird?

[InfinityCrisis]

Ye mate you still love her maybe you done it because you wanted to feel wanted or was horny as hell. You maybe moving to fast but don't judge your actions be yourself have fun

Thanks benjii, the girl I hooked up with said the same thing.

 

Was it good? Bad? Weird?

Was surprisingly good, had to pull her off me cause she kept wanting more. She cooked me breakfast this morning too, I told her I don't want a relationship.

[ErikSifu]

You are a pimp lol ( good sense of humor ) ... I bet i can bench more than you can !!! LOL !!! GYM keeps me sane !!! keep working out !!!

[benjii]

You are a pimp lol ( good sense of humor ) ... I bet i can bench more than you can !!! LOL !!! GYM keeps me sane !!! keep working out !!!

Funny enough everyone reccomended me gym I join today and I felt great my emotions were much better listing to music letting all my energy on the weights then wake the music up loud and ran for half hour I was shagged after but when I got home was feeling great