I just want to be over him

[pnoy]

I dont want to feel this way anymore, i feel down ,lonely and sad a lot of the time,

 

My ex broke up with me 8 mnths ago i thought we had the perfect relationship but when i think back there were lots of cracks but i still love him, i did everything for him i never cheated neither did he, but throughout our relationship i always thought he was too good for me, and he knew this i was insercure quite shy, he was confident and secure he told me he i was the best thing to happen to him

 

when we met everyhing was great we got on well liked the same things we spoke about how are exes cheated on us and how happy we were to meet eachother late in life, but there were cracks from the beginning which i was aware of but didnt know how to solve sex wasnt great at first he lived with his mum so it was difficult to have sex my two children lived with me so in the beginning we hardly had sex until his moved moved out and she gave him her house then things got better

 

but he never once saw me naked because i was shy and didnt like my body also up until meeting him he always had girlfriends at least 17 yrs younger than himself so i became ashamed of my body always thinking he wont like the body of a forty yr old compered to a 28 yr old

 

but sex was ok we didnt once make love he always wanted to have sex from behind just a quickie and was always looking at porn of younger women which made me feel inadeqiuite i told him how i felt he said every man looks at porn i didnt have a problem with him looking at porn as such i think it was the fact they were young girls in school uniform that just made me feel un sexy and old

 

Anyway our first holiday together i got stupidly drunk on the plane, and argued with him i later apoligised he was fine with this but i cant swim but i was happy to be by the pool sunbathing we went with another couple my ex was always in the pool playing games my ex wasnt happy because i couldnt swim he wanted to throw me about and have fun but i was more than happy sunbathing

 

one day he said to me its like being on holiday with my nan being with you because you cant swim you dont want to have fun in the pool but i was happy doing my own thing

 

he really knocked my confidence, my ex is a man who still thinks he is 20 he takes cocaine smokes weed everyday

 

When we first met i was having problems with my son who has adhd so life was difficult i also suffer with panic attacks really bad and because my ex was always happy at times i would worry about my son and my ex would say are you ok you look sad today i would say am fine because i didnt want to tell him about my son because my ex hated him he didnt understand about my son with adhd he use to say he is horrible kick him out on the street which really hurt me then he would say your very dowdy looking very sad looking i got this all the time and i think if someone says this alot to you you end up feeling like this which i did but i did try to look happy for his sake this really took its toll on me and made me feel really insecure and not worthy of myself

 

Then he say i love you with all my heart you make me so happy ive never felt happier being with you but i would think well you call me dowdy and miserable how can you be happy bieng with me i was so confused but needless to say i still love him

 

sorry this is long but if you read this can you tell me was it my fault we broke up thank you

[pnoy]

I just want to add he once said to me if this was anyother relationship i would of left because of your son but there is something about you that is diffrent from any other girl ive been with

 

Also i was always up for a laugh he would say my freinds and family love you

[jaciej]

He sounds like he is doing you a favour and you sound has if you are grateful for that. If he is used to going out with much younger women so it is inevitable that he will expect that same carefree attitude and will compare you with them. You are at a different stage of your life and as a mature woman you are in a position to know what you want and will accept. You were not happy in that relationship regardless of how much you try to convince yourself otherwise. You are being grateful that someone considered you worthy....you should already know your worth. If you don't like something then you should say, if you feel demeaned by him watching porn and comparing them with you then you need to walk away and find someone who appreciates you and your body. At the same time you need to come out of your comfort zone and try new things. Being unable to swim doesn't mean you couldn't get into the pool.

[pnoy]

Thank you jaciej, for your reply i did get in the pool, to cool off i know he must have been comparing me to his younger girlfriends i have since found out he is back with his ex who is 17 yrs younger than him and she cheated on him, when we got together all he did was slag her off because she cheated and lied to him, well maybe there made for each other

[jaciej]

Always have your hands on the reins of your relationships so you can steer it in the direction you want to go.

 

If he hated your child and was demeaning to you, then you were headed down a road of disaster. You had a chance to get out and get away. People who love you want to please you and see you happy, he obviously like women he can boss around and control, you are too mature for that BS.