Absence & Desire

[eastonweston]

Hi all,

 

I dug this up from deep in the archives in another forum section of this site. It's from 2006, but the original post is from 2002. It wasn't even it's own thread, but a post made several entries into a thread! I found it helpful for reframing my train of thought, and figured others may find it helpful too. A good argument for going NC.

 

 

---------------

 

This is a post I read a few days ago from 2002. The chap who posted it is called GreyedScotsman ( so a massive thanks to him )

 

See what you think it should help us keep our emotions in check because I believe no matter what stage you are at with a person this stays true.

 

 

Scruff [bONO]

 

 

Absence & Desire

 

Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you talked about, even admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.---Robert Greene[/i]

 

 

 

[/b]Everything in the world depends on absence and presence. A strong presence will draw power and attention to you-you shine more brightly than those around you. Bot a point is inevitably reached where too much presence creates the opposite effect: The more you are seen and heard from, the more your value degrades. You become a habit. No matter how hard you try to be different,** subtly, without knowing why, people respect you less and less. A the right moment you must learn to withdraw yourself before they unconsciously push you away. It is a game of hide-and-seek.

 

 

 

 

**The truth of this law can most easily be appreciated in matters of love and seduction. In the beginning stages of an affair, the lover's absence stimulates your imagination, forming a sort of aura around him or her. But this aura fades when you know too much--when your imagination no longer has room to roam-(as I mentioned before re; keeping the mystery alive and well). Soon, the loved one becomes an ordinary person like anyone else, a person whose presence is taken for granted. "Love never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion"-Seventeenth century French courtesan, Ninon de Lenclos.

 

 

 

The moment you allow yourself to be treated like anyone else, it is too late--you are swallowed and digested. To prevent this you need to starve the other person of your presence. Force their respect by threatening them with the possibilty that they will lose you for good; create a pattern of presence and absence.

 

 

 

By withdrawing something from the market, you create instant value. In seventeenth-century Holland, the upper classes wanted to make the tulip more than just a beautiful flower--they wanted it to be a kind of status symbol. Making the flower scarce, indeed almost impossible to obtain, they sparked what was later called tulipmania. A single flower was now worth MORE than its weight in gold.

 

 

 

The Sun. It can only be appreciated by its absence. The longer the days of rain, the more the sun is craved. But too many hot days and the sun overwhelms. *Learn to keep yourself obscure and make people demand your return.

 

 

 

***REMEMBER THIS***

 

 

 

This rule only applies once a certain level of appreciaiton has been attained. The need to withdraw only comes AFTER you have established your presence; leave TOO early and you do not increase your respect, you are simply forgotten.

 

In love and seduction, similarly, absence is only effective once you have surrounded the other with your image, been seen by him or her everywhere. Everything must remind your lover of your presence, so that when you do choose to be away for awhile, the lover will be thinking of you, always be seeing you in his or her minds eye.

 

 

 

*****REMEMBER In the beginning, make yourself not scarce but omnipresent. Only what is seen, appreciated, and loved will be missed in its absence.

 

Godspeed/Keep Cool!

[sealharp]

Awesome !!!!!!

[His Woman]

I love this. Thanks for digging it up!

[lovecash]

This is some good stuff. Weird to think how people in the 1600s were dealing with the same stuff we are. They knew all along!!

[ghost1ee]

Well I hope so. This is a great read. My relationship just ended in a bad note. And I think she's determined to really forget about me for good. By this, I mean I'm not expecting her to come back at all. Expectations only lead to disappointments. So for now, I'm only in Day 1 of NC, I told myself not to expect her to return ever. I'll probably give it half a year to a year for her to initiate contact, but if she does not do that, I will by then, probably forget about her as well. It is not my role to initiate a recontact because she was the dumper and she dumped me. I tried talking to her, but all she did was tell me to leave her alone. So that's what I'm going to do, leave her alone and anything about her. All the things she gave me, I probably won't burn or rip apart but probably going to tape it up really good. It's something I thank for, I mean the relationship told me a lot of things about myself (gave me a lesson of some sort), so I'm not going to be bitter but instead, become better. If she initiates contact, I will not rage at her or blame her for anything, but will merely tell her that I'm not interested in a relationship with her anymore. She dumped me for another guy, and I don't want to be the fall back guy if that relationship ever goes awry. She hurt me so much, and I know I hurt her too because of my raging at her, but either way, I am done with her in my current mindset. The final decision will be made in time. I will expect to endure this pain in my chest for quite some time, and if she never comes back, I can care less what she is doing with her life now. I am not gonna hate on her or her new life, but I for sure, is not planning to return completely to her...after what she has done to me replacing me just like that. Maybe it was because she did not like my temper tantrum, but it just shows that we're incompatible.

[Madamdiva007]

I hope this stuff actually works. I'm implementing NC on my boyfriend (not ex, we haven't actually broken up or anything) in the hopes that it may get him to come back around to me. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

[ghost1ee]

Absence actually ruined my relationship. She broke up with me around mid-June this year. Around late July, I started limited contact because I was getting tired of the friend zoning, and because we had broken up multiple times in the past already. The last time we got back together, I was friend zoned for almost a year. And when we made up, it only lasted half a year. This time around, when I came back after two months, she already found somebody else and told me that she fell for him and is starting to have feelings for him. I got mad at her and cussed her really bad, and that pushed her away more. Now we're in no contact whatsoever since this weekend. It's a really horrible way to end a relationship: Your ex calls you abusive, and then proceeds in hooking up with the new guy. Sometimes, I just can't breathe at night from this. This time will pass. I won't forget about it. It will be something of a lesson that I can pass down to future generations or something.

[oreogod]

This is from Art of Seduction by Robert Greene. (all of his books are great and all of them have many things you can apply to life, people, seduction and break ups)

[oreogod]

I hope this stuff actually works. I'm implementing NC on my boyfriend (not ex, we haven't actually broken up or anything) in the hopes that it may get him to come back around to me. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

 

Well you won't win anything by chasing. If he does something you are really not cool with the biggest thing you can do is withdraw your attention. No fancy lines, no endless talks. Just silence. Gone.

 

The easiest way to revive a flagging relationship is to cut all contact.

 

(If someone breaks up with you does something not cool, etc. Go NC till they contact you then do so minimally at most or just ignore till they give you something of substance, a real move to reconnect, minor or major and respond minimally to that.)

[Madamdiva007]

Well you won't win anything by chasing. If he does something you are really not cool with the biggest thing you can do is withdraw your attention. No fancy lines, no endless talks. Just silence. Gone.

 

The easiest way to revive a flagging relationship is to cut all contact.

 

(If someone breaks up with you does something not cool, etc. Go NC till they contact you then do so minimally at most or just ignore till they give you something of substance, a real move to reconnect, minor or major and respond minimally to that.)

 

Thank you oreogod, I really appreciate your insight. It's so hard, don't want him to think I've forgotten about him, but I'm sure that's just me projecting myself and my feelings onto him, since my worry is he's forgotten about me. I guess what really worries me is how I'll handle the situation when or if he gets back in touch with me. I'm afraid I'll overdue it or something. I'm not sure if my best bet will be to just continue to ignore him, or talk to him and express my disappointments in how he's been treating me and the relationship lately. I don't want to give him ultimatums, but I don't want him to think he can get away with this behavior either.

[Limiya]

No wonder i miss my ex so much. He used this tactic so many times during the relationship over the years, they it was very push and pull.

So now he has disappeared for good, i'm left pining. I am sure he won't be pining for me at all.

Good post though, makes you think and i understand it.

 

Limiya

[Sweet Entropy]

I'm not sure if my best bet will be to just continue to ignore him, or talk to him and express my disappointments in how he's been treating me and the relationship lately. I don't want to give him ultimatums, but I don't want him to think he can get away with this behavior either.

Talking calmly is the way to go. If you let the problem go and act like nothing happened, he will repeat it later.