Is it ever ok to call?

[justme123]

Hey, you can read my whole story so far here: link removed

It is extremely long though!

So anyways, I was wondering if it is ever ok for me to call her? I haven't spoken to her at all for about a month now, but I saw her and her friend walking today from accross the street. I think she saw me, but they walked away from me, so I assume she didn't want to see me. I'd like to know how she is doing and if things are going ok for her, because she doesn't come to the class we were both in anymore. Is it ok for me to call her ever, or will that just be continuing to push her away? Thanks for any advice!

[justme123]

I think I'm gonna call her...

[cmacey]

how'd it go?

[justme123]

I didn't call her.

You think I should? I'd really like to, but I really really don't want to make any more mistakes.

[Mix Maxster]

Why do you want to call her?

[justme123]

To see how she's doing, how things are going, if she's still going to school. I'd like to find out her reaction, to see if anything has changed since the last time we talked.

I'm worried about what she'll think though, if it would just be going against myself to call her, make her less interested in me. But it seems like she's not interested in me anyways since she hasn't called me at all.

[sickofbeingsad]

Dont think that she is not intrested or not going nuts thinking about you. My ex and I broke up back in January and still calls me every now and then. She finds something stupid to contact me about or calls just to say hi but I dont talk to her she just leaves me a VM. Believe me she is thinking about you... A LOT! Be patient it could take a while. You are playing a game with her right now. Every move is critical. DON'T CALL!

[DragonGirl724]

sickofbeingsad,

 

i agree i hate the games. my ex broke up with me in march bc hes not happy w/ himself & has internal issues & we faught over it bc i knew as a result of all this crao hes dealing with i was gonna be his EXgf soon..sigh. i became clingy etc.

 

well post breakup he kept in touch w/ me via IM & he met up w/ me once on his behalf bc he missed me & he emailed me for my birthday in july *i then gave him a painting for his bday of his car in august* then we would go a month or so NC then hed IM me outta the blue. & we saw eachother out at bars a few times this summer & all 3 times he came up to me hugged me chilled w/ MY friends etc... & then at end of september we didnt talk much since about mid august (i didnt IM him b/c i didnt wanna bombard him) so i emailed him just supporting him b/c hes goin thru ruff times right now & said i miss him & if he ever wants to talk dont hisitate to ill be behind him all the way. well he blocked me & our mutual acquaintances after that, & that lasted for the month of october I DONT KNOW WHY FOR SURE. but now he unblocked me last week. & he hasnt IMed me yet. wats the deal? any thoughts? i agree every move is crucial & timing is everything, but I HATE game playing what should i do?

 

-DG724

[justme123]

sickofbeingsad, thanks for responding! I haven't called her and I don't think I will yet, not now anyways. Do you really think that she thinks about me? I know she must, she stopped coming to the class that we were both in, and she was doing fairly well in the class, so the only explanation I can see is that it's hard for her to see me. I don't know if she is still going to her other classes or not though. I think maybe she is avoiding me and trying not to think about me. But if she is making efforts to avoid me, there must be a reason, she must care in some fashion otherwise it wouldn't matter to avoid me right?

 

It's kind of funny how things turned around. When I first met her she had low self-esteem and she needed me to be there for her to help her get through things and I was. But now she's left me and I'm left needing her and feeling down about myself.

[Hannibal]

Of course she is thinking of you.

After every break up, once me and my exes start to talk again the subject of "did you ever think about me after we broke up?" comes up. Time and time again the ex tells me that she was thinking of me a lot and in certain cases the ex even keeps all the stuff I gave her (one still has stuff that I gave her in grade 7 and that was 6 years ago now.)

 

So my point is that yes she is thinking of you, I promise you that. She just doesnt want to show it to you because she is afraid that you'll turn into some clingy thing that she'll have to put up with. That or shes just to proud to show it.

 

Either way you should try to act the same way towards her, try to pretend that you're not thinking of her and that everything is fine and dandy in your life now that she's more or less out of the picture. So don't call her.

[DragonGirl724]

speaking of thinking i IMed my ex 'happy halloween' today after he unblocked me 2weeks ago & he blocked me again... dunno why.

 

his away msg says: "thinking about you but you do not know who you are"

 

one can only hope....it was about me. idoubt it

 

 

 

-DG724

 

ps: sorry im a lil tipsy ill write more in reference to your topic wen the room isnt spinning. goodnigt*

[justme123]

Hannibal, thanks for replying!

I think maybe you're right about her not wanting to let me know she thinks about me because when we did break up I did turn into a clingy thing she did not want to deal with.

So it's a good thing then that I don't call, even though I'll never know unless she calls me. Heh, I wish there was some way to find out what she has been up to without actually talking to her.

[sleepwalker]

I would disagree - it is usually ok to call as long as :

1) it is for practical reasons - you got to have a purpose with it (true or not), not just wondering how she is doing. By sorting out practical things together you will also lower their defense (and the feel of "clash of interest")

2)it is as short as 5-10 minutes at the most. Be the one to go.

3)you are vague about your life

 

In my mind, those are much more powerful than no contact, if you are not just doing NC to heal but to get your loved one back.

 

sw