The sign on my head has been updated...to attract a whole different class of men

[GirlontheLam]

OK I have a running joke with some friends, that I am generally a loser magnet. I tend to somehow get approached by uber possessive men, or they have some other issue. It is odd, as I am the polar opposite of clingy.

 

But in recent months, I have a new sign on my head. I wasn't sure if this was a pattern or not, but it is happening with far too much frequency to even make sense, so I think I must be giving off weird new vibes.

 

Now the new type I am attracting is the taken guy. What is the deal with people with girlfriends (or more) aggressively flirting with me. (And aggressive flirting for me, is when you approach in a public place, engage in super long conversations, initiate physical contact and/or sexual innuendo and/or compliments on physical appearance). I am an admittedly friendly person, and I will engage in friendly conversation with anyone, and I don't assume people are interested unless the topic of the conversation gets more personal or includes innuendo or something else.

 

So this has happened to me a few times recently. And I am not talking about being at a party or something. After a lot of conversation (hours or multiple.....), I'll hear about an out of town girlfriend or similar.

 

Men chime in, why are you flirting when you aren't really available. Am I giving off side chick vibes?

[Tranquillo]

I'm not a man but when already taken men flirt with other girls it's usually because of one or two things like:

-An ego thing, they still want to know in their heads that they have what it takes to 'pull' a girl, in other words they are 'practicing' on you, which yes, does make you a sidekick side-chick.

- They are probably on a verge of a break-up with their gf's.. or things with their gf's are not going good, they could be bored etc - if that is the case then that makes you a rebound chick

-They could genuinely be interested in you and like you so much that they temporarily forget that they already have a gf. Some men are prone to this is the girl they are talking with is super hot. If thats the case, then you should feel flattered but say a silent thank goodness, because you are not with a jerk who would forget you as soon as he see's another good looking woman.

[HeatherB]

You sound very patient. Maybe a little too patient? So guys can just come up and flirt with you for hours and start touching you? Maybe be a little less relaxed about your time and assume that most guys who approach you aren't doing it just to make a new buddy.

[GirlontheLam]

You sound very patient. Maybe a little too patient? So guys can just come up and flirt with you for hours and start touching you? Maybe be a little less relaxed about your time and assume that most guys who approach you aren't doing it just to make a new buddy.

 

Well not exactly "patient." I tend to hang out at coffeeshops for some downtime to read a book or whatever. In a place like that, if I planned to stick around for a bit I am open to a conversation. So I might have a couple of encounters with the same person that way (which is one case). Another person is someone who works in my building. Even though I am not there all the time, I run into him pretty frequently and that of course encourages conversation.

 

I also probably meet a lot more strangers than average. I am pretty approachable, so I tend to have plenty of conversations on the train, or in the grocery store line, or the coffee shop. Which is why I am not likely to assume a conversation is an indicator of interest. I am a pretty chatty person, and people tend to get comfortable around me pretty quickly (this isn't necessarily a problem).

[putter65]

it's interesting the types of people who are interested in us.

 

Myself, it's women who are over 70 years of age. Don't ask me why ?

[GirlontheLam]

I do seem to get a very weird mix. Rarely "reasonable" prospects from my own ethnic group approach me (and as of late they all seem to be taken). I mostly get hipsters, and a diverse range of people that are too young. Or too old. So this is a weird development.

 

I did not mention the other sign on my head, that encourages people to tell me their life story.

[putter65]

i think we give off a 'vibe' that says alot about ourselves.

People are not stupid, they can judge us quite accurately.

I am sure alot of women have me down as a 'nice guy loser' - in fact a few have said this.

[GirlontheLam]

i think we give off a 'vibe' that says alot about ourselves.

People are not stupid, they can judge us quite accurately.

I am sure alot of women have me down as a 'nice guy loser' - in fact a few have said this.

 

Oh no, I hate to think what vibe I must be giving out!

[DylanNotorious]

Where you are you meeting these "taken" men?

[happpybear]

I do seem to get a very weird mix. Rarely "reasonable" prospects from my own ethnic group approach me (and as of late they all seem to be taken). I mostly get hipsters, and a diverse range of people that are too young. Or too old. So this is a weird development.

 

I did not mention the other sign on my head, that encourages people to tell me their life story.

 

 

ohhhh, you sound like me. I have had this issue too, and especially the 'life story' nonsense, but i get it from everyone, men and woman, especially old people. I was told once by an onlooker who watched a crazy lady talk to me, that i have a 'healing spirit' ...so maybe you do too, and that's why you attract this stuff.

 

One of my friends also attracts a lot of sketchy encounters, and she looks very young and innocent. She just has a baby doll face, she is in her thirties but you would never know it. I think it has everything to do with the way you look.

 

I countered this attention by adopting the 'b*tch face' when out in public (but only when i don't want to be approached). also, not making eye contact works too.

[GirlontheLam]

Where you are you meeting these "taken" men?

Coffee shops, my office building, professional networking events.....

 

Basically places you don't need to flirt with anyone unless you have probable cause. I mean these are also places you might act "friendly" but these people are going above and beyond basic friendly with their actions.

[GirlontheLam]

ohhhh, you sound like me. I have had this issue too, and especially the 'life story' nonsense, but i get it from everyone, men and woman, especially old people. I was told once by an onlooker who watched a crazy lady talk to me, that i have a 'healing spirit' ...so maybe you do too, and that's why you attract this stuff.

 

One of my friends also attracts a lot of sketchy encounters, and she looks very young and innocent. She just has a baby doll face, she is in her thirties but you would never know it. I think it has everything to do with the way you look.

 

LOL, this describes me! I look younger, and friendly of course. I get my share of crazies. I am really puzzled by these flirters though.

[pinkelephant]

are you okay with strangers saying sexual innuendos before even the first date?? do you have a filter system? maybe it's worth thinking about?

 

also, i flirt and i'm in a rels just because it's fun. my bf doesn't care and prob does the same. (not really up for debate as to why i should or shouldnt). i most likely won't remember the person's name afterwards. pursuing is different. if you're talking for hours, these men are pursuing something...

[GirlontheLam]

are you okay with strangers saying sexual innuendos before even the first date?? do you have a filter system? maybe it's worth thinking about?

 

also, i flirt and i'm in a rels just because it's fun. my bf doesn't care and prob does the same. (not really up for debate as to why i should or shouldnt). i most likely won't remember the person's name afterwards. pursuing is different. if you're talking for hours, these men are pursuing something...

 

I am not anti-flirting, and I definitely do it. But I am also pretty reserved in what I talk about with strangers and in public. I am not very open about personal stuff until I know you pretty well. Flirting for me is pretty mild in all cases.

 

Innuendo before for a first date? It really depends on what you say and how you say it. There is definitely a line somewhere. And I am on the conservative side for sure. Some people also have no filter, and this doesn't necessarily surprise me.

 

Even as a person who has been known to get into long conversations with strangers, I am more than a little puzzled about exactly how far these people with girlfriends are going. It is also pretty easy to mistake friendliness for flirting, but this doesn't feel like the case in the situations I have experienced.

 

When people are getting personal and acting interested, I am rightfully puzzled and insulted at the same time. Even if we do have a connection, I don't think we can actually be friends if you weren't up front at first.