Please talk me out of this denial!!

[RGS]

So i wrote earlier in the week about my ex being ambivilant about meeting up and returning something to me and blowing hot and cold (see post below),

 

 

 

He has now not been in contact since Friday which is fair enough as he said he may be able to do this Thursday but wasnt sure yet. But my worry is that i am holding onto this false hope that when we meet up he will regret everything and want me back. Whilst im sure he is confused hence the hot and coldness we all know that the likelihood of reconciliation is very slim. So i NEED to talk myself out of this denial i seem to be in. Why is it so hard to accept that something is over??? I know i am clinging to false hope and yet i feel like id rather this than admit defeat.

 

I hope we meet up soon because i need a wake up call!

[pooloflife]

i am going through the same thing my ex partner of 29 years who left 2 weeks ago because she develoed feelings for another man,we met yesterday to sort out dogwalking, and staight away i was in denial thinking she will come back and realize she made a mistake ,but the reality is she seems indifferent, and has obvioisly moved on, me and you have to do the same ,does not matter if you get back together or not ,you have to think for your self and forget him, if he wants you back you will know.No defeat at all in your thinking its normal and will be for a while until you move on .

[SScolo]

I know how you feel, and one of the most crucial parts to moving on is giving up hope. That means accepting that the relationship is over, so that you can focus on you.

 

Based on your previous thread (and I remember reading it), people gave you the advice that it is best to either have him mail the jacket, or buy a new one. Meeting up with him is like an addict meeting up with a drug dealer--it will bring on these happy feelings back, but as soon as you part ways again and he brushes you off, you will come crashing down and have to start all over again. Please believe me when I say that he will probably not have a moment of clarity when he sees you and decide that you are the one for him. B/c if that was the case, your relationship probably wouldn't have ended. And from what I am seeing from your post, he is not really that interested in meeting up with you.

 

Please believe me when I say that NC and time are the two best things you can embrace right now. Right after my break up, I would run into my ex around town, and it set me back and I would feel awful. However, I have not seen him the last two weekends, and I am feeling SO much better. You have to give up hope, however, to truly and completely move on. And that means realizing that it was not meant to be.

 

I am sending hugs your way, as I know that this is a very difficult and confusing time. I hope things get better for you.

[RGS]

thank you i agree i think getting him to post it would be for the best, and i have actually just been looking for a new one online anyway. I guess my pride is kind of getting in the way because regardless if he wants me back or not i want to walk away with my head held high with him thinking i dont care and have moved on. i feel like getting him to mail it to me or just ignoring him would be like admitting defeat. I cant handle the highs and lows of him suggesting a day and then either not contacting me or making some excuse why he cant do it anymore.

 

pooloflife i hope you are ok that sounds very tough to go through!

 

sscolo thank you for your advice, it is completely like being a drug addict! I DO need to give up home. My problem is i am a daydreamer and my mind wanders, as i dont have any one else in the picture at the moment my mind automatically wanders to day dreaming about him - it's my 'happy thought space' as it were. ''Happy thought space' but not 'healthy thought space'.

[pooloflife]

No i am not ok today,i live in the family home with youngest daugher and son both ove 18,they have took it really hard especilally my daughter ,she was very close to her mum,and has said the house is not the same without her mum.We dont know if this new relationship will work for he,r or if she will find out this man has been stringing her along and want to come back home,its all the not knowing that drives me mad ,no one in the house discuss anything about the break up things are just to raw at the moment ,i only hope we all can move, on what ever happens i have got to be strong for them although its killing me thinking of her with another man.

[SScolo]

I totally get the pride thing.....it was very hard for me to move on at first, b/c I was hung up on him not wanting to be with me, not thinking I was good enough, why does he think there is better out there, etc. But I finally realized that by walking away completely would show MYSELF that I was too good for him. It doesn't matter what they do or say anymore, it only matters how we feel and act. I think that by ignoring him when he finally says, "ok, let's meet so you can get your coat", (and who knows when or if that will be), would show him that you are no longer under his control and are moving on. Some people get an ego boost by being able to affect others that much, and I decided that I wasn't going to let my ex get that from me.

 

It's hard, but try to find another "happy place", or think of the things that you weren't happy with when you were with him. When I found myself only remembering the good things, I would also make an effort to think of the things I didn't like (his excessive drinking and obnoxious drunken behavior, the fact that he had a faux hawk, ear gauges, and a chin strap, was always broke) and it really does help.

[RGS]

Pooloflife I'm so sorry to hear that. I imagine she is probably surfing on the novelty wave currently but it will soon wear off when she realises that nothing is a bed of roses and every relationship requires HARD work. I'm glad you have your family around you for support, I know you feel like you have to keep strong for them but I'm sure they'd understand what you're going through right now if you did talk to them. Keep posting here when you need to, it's good to get it out your system.

 

Scolo the thing is he won't have seen how he is affecting me as I've been 'too cool for school' in all of this which is why I don't understand why he's dragging it out but hey he is. I try to think of things I don't like about him but in all honesty there wasn't really anything at all. The only thing I can think of is that he watched too much football but I didn't even really mind that.

[calichick007]

Buy a new jacket. I don't think he is intentionally dragging it out... it sounds like he has been legitimately busy. That he is busy living life while you are fixated on this meet-up speaks volumes. Letting go of hope is difficult because it is often the last thing that ties you to that person, but it is necessary. I wouldn't even put myself in a position to be crushed all over again by seeing him and then having to see him walk away again. You will feel a bunch worse once the meeting is done and you go your separate ways.