Going back to the dating game

[OverYou]

And so it begins again..

 

So the past few days I've spent a lot of time thinking about offers I've had for dates and if I'm ready to jump back in and I must admit, the girls, the compliments and the conversations have gone a long way to helping me through the final stages of healing. I've decided I want to try and date again and one girl I've met is amazingly pretty, it actually surprised me how much I liked her when just a month ago I never thought I'd be with anyone as good as my ex again. I didn't feel anything about my ex, it didn't feel wrong and I didn't feel the little panic of finally moving on completely. It felt good.

 

So here it goes...

[rocko123]

Just out of curiosity, how many days NC did you have to go before you felt comfortable taking this step? I know that panic feeling well and won't get back into it until I know it's gone completely.

[Loveandlost]

Welcome back my friend to the show that never ends...

 

There is always another "the one" its so great after you hit the low point in your BU healing and meet someone who sparks your interest again. It gives hope and promise for a better tomorrow and its one of the best feelings in the world.

 

Even if you have low points in the future (and you will) they will fade and occur less. This is a major step dude.

 

@rocko the panic feeling can become a crutch that we hold onto so we dont lose that last connection to our ex.. this is why you see people still "healing" years later. Part of the healing is accepting that its over even if you dont want it to be. You will still feel some pain when you think about them and still have that panic feeling but when you allow yourself to move on and realize how happy you can be again, you will kick yourself for not doing it sooner

[rocko123]

You will still feel some pain when you think about them and still have that panic feeling but when you allow yourself to move on and realize how happy you can be again, you will kick yourself for not doing it sooner

 

Is there a shot you can take for that?

 

I hear what you're saying and it's a point well taken. Letting go has been my major challenge in this whole process. I ebb and flow on it but think I'm making progress. I do so look forward to that point you reference, what Bruce Fisher calls the Freedom step.

[OverYou]

Ok so yeah, this didn't go well.

 

I started meeting this girl, she was really really pretty and we had a lot in common.

 

I just still love my ex.

 

This storm as has had me thinking about her a lot. She's in a freezing cold apartment, surrounded by flood water, I haven't been in direct contact with her but rather with her best friend again who has also been asking me if I'm ok.

 

I had to stop seeing the other girl as it's not fair to her, she understood, thanked me for my honesty and that is that. I hate this, I just want to go on and live. Maybe I'm rushing it, I don't know.

[leftme]

That sucks man. I've dated 2 girls in the last 3 months since break-up. I've found both had similar outcomes to you. I just wasn't ready.

 

I notice now I tried to push for the date soon after getting to know them, now I will do as I did with my ex, just talk to girls with no real agenda other than attraction and allow it to play out.

 

Once you do as you (and i have done) with meeting up (dating) you label it and if it's too soon it's all lost. However, had you and I maybe kept talking to them here and there we may have found we would have possibly worked out in the future - when we were ready...

[Autumnleaves]

Is there a shot you can take for that?

 

Yes it's called Bourbon