Is someone better really out there?

[samson66]

A bit of a low day for some reason -- broke up with the ex about a month and a half ago after dating for 4 months, she ended because she felt she couldn't 'give me what i wanted' -- still wondering about what exactly that means because everything was all good. Any way, that's another thread. Since the break I've seen her once, she was very sweet and very nervous and seemed rather messed up about breaking up, but getting back together was never discussed. We've gone about three weeks of total NC now, and I even took a new girl out on Friday (that I ended up not liking as much as I thought but again, not relevant).

 

Anyway, everyone has said 'you'll find someone better', and I always have in the past, but with this girl -- I mean, she was amazing. As close to a dream girl as I've come, so hot, sweet, everything was good except for the fact that she ended it. I'm sure others have felt like that after breaking up, but it just seems kind of sad like maybe I really won't meet someone better. Still thinking about this girl way too much and I'd like to think I can fully get over her before meeting someone new, but I think I have a bad habit of recovering from past relationships by jumping into a new one and I'm just not feeling very confident that I'm going to find someone who really is better...

 

Advice welcome.

 

Sam

[ff2afewyearslater]

It's hard to say if you'll find someone "better" because it really isn't fair to compare. Here's one ugly truth about past relationships: we romanticize the good times and tend to forget about the bad. Was the relationship with this girl really everything you wanted?

 

The way she ended it sounds like deflection. The old "it's not you, it's me" routine. Which usually means it is you, the other person just doesn't want to tell you the truth about why. So right there is a flaw with the girl you just broke it off with...there is a very good chance she was hiding something from you that you really should have known about.

 

Anyway, I'm not trying to make her into the villain. You have done the right thing by trying to move on and dating someone else. Even if you are not actively dating, alone time is not always a bad thing. So the girl you went out with on Friday wasn't for you...there are plenty more out there that probably are better matches. Just keep trying to meet new people, do something different every week, and eventually you will come accross someone who values being with you.

[fallslikerain]

"Here's one ugly truth about past relationships: we romanticize the good times and tend to forget about the bad. "

 

I totally agree with that

[samson66]

You're right I'm sure -- just a little hard to see it that way right now. I've had a girlfriend for like 9 of the last 10 years I bet and while I'd like to think it's not an issue, it's a definite crutch I need to shake... it's a different frame of mind that apparently takes a little getting used to.

[Strandysmommy]

There prolly is someone better out there but right now it's only been a month and a half, so you said. It's like this: it's not easy to run a marathon the day after you break your leg. Or look it this way, your eyes are still full with "Love Sleep" you know, how you wake up and open your eyes, everything is blurry and out of focus because there are...eye goobers (sorry, I am making a point here!) well you have love goobers. Pretty soon they'll just...I dunno dry up and go away. I'm sorry, I work with kids all day...sometimes gross is the only way to make a point!

[fantasia2004]

You will know if that person is right for you if they can tolerate you when you are at your worse like sickness, and in health as in the vows of marriage.