Is trust possible?

[stalumfi]

Hi,

 

There is someone I have been interested for a long time, but I am horribly shy and repressed though starting to improve a bit. The biggest problem, however, is that I am really only beginning to realise the extent to which I was affected as the daughter of someone with a personality disorder. It has really come to the fore in my interactions with this person, because I am coming to believe he might have a personality disorder, but not one of the malignant kind, as my parent's was. It just means he is incredibly shy and self-conscious but prone occasionally to anger. This anger has proved very triggering for me, which causes me to lash out at him, which causes him to withdraw more.

 

I will be going for counseling soon because clearly I have a lot of stuff to work through (I keep on thinking I'm alright, but this isn't the first time I've projected some of my issues on others), but I am wondering what to do. This has sadly brought out his trust issues and now when I try to contact him he won't reply any more. I don't know if I should keep trying to contact him, if it would make him feel better, or if he can trust me now. Indeed, would it be better not to have any contact? Is this even a viable thing? Are we just going to keep on triggering each other, or can we understand each other's issues? I wish I knew if we were likely to meet at any time soon.

 

Sorry if I don't respond at once, it's past bed time where I am.

 

P.S. I have reason to think that he is/was interested in me as well, but I didn't believe it for a long time.

[stalumfi]

Just wanted to add that there are overlaps between what I am now thinking may be his issue and the disorder my parent had. There also traits that would be understandable within the context of his issue (assuming that I am right about what it is) but which frightened me not knowing where they came from. Still, I'm very reluctant to approach him now as I know he probably wouldn't trust me, and I don't want to make things about his issues, as mine are just as relevant. Also, I seem to be going back and forth on him when I'm just reacting to fear all the time.