Take a chillpill or valid cause for stress?

[Jlizzy]

I've been friends with a guy for 4 years and we are now 2 months in a relationship...It's great. He's lovely and sweet and caring.....

 

I'm trying to figure out if I need to take a chillpill or if my "concerns" are valid....I'm especially looking for an outside opinion since I feel after a spate of relationships that didn't work out including one long term one of not so long ago, I'm wondering if perhaps this is clouding my judgement/ causing me to feel more stress than I should over the "issue".

 

We're both people who are busy up to our eyes and as a result we tend to run late for each other so I can't make any fuss over that but there's a pattern emerging where we make plans and a few hours before the fact (often when I am on my way) he changes the plans. I can tolerate a change of plans with a couple of days notice. That can happen but when I'm expecting for example a quiet night over drinks with my boyfriend and suddenly he's drinking with his mate and wants me to meet the two of them (I'm aware that there is a major positive in him wanting me to meet his best friend but I was exhausted and had looked forward to the quiet drink for the whole week). Another example is where I am supposed to join him in the city where he is working....he tells me I have an option between friday or saturday....granted friday was a bit tricky but he kept claiming I could choose...then this afternoon basically takes that option away from me....there's a few examples like this and I find I get very stressed and frustrated when plans get changed on me last minute this way....

 

Keen on your opinions!

[appdev89]

It all depends. Lets start with the example with the friend. Is this friend he rarely sees i.e. Is the friend recently in town and they cant meet again? If that is the case, he should explain that it is a rare/emergency case, but otherwise its not okay to push you around.

 

As for Friday/Saturday, it depends also. If its work related and he can't get out of work, then you should understand. He might've thought that he could get out, but realized that his work piled up too high and he couldn't. That's okay imo.

 

Should you be stressed over it? No. Should you be concerned about it? Not really. But it is important to notice the frequency of this occurrence and whether his reasons are valid or not. If not, then he's not taking you seriously enough and you need to talk etc. But everyone is different. If it is already causing you stress, you should talk to him. You are not completely senile is what we can tell you.

[jordesse]

Hi Jizzy, I've been jumped on before over my opinions on guys behaving like this so bare that in mind lol I think it stems from my own lack of organisation and time management or what I would like to deem as being "very laid back" lol

I say "take a chill pill!" but only if you would like to stay in a relationship with this man. Some people are rigidly organised and have their time planned down to the last minute which is completely fine, that's how they operate in order to feel comfortable and less stressed. Others are "go with the flow", spontaneous, running around like a chook with its head cut off. Thats just how they operate, changing plans to suit what they are doing at the time.

And of course there is everyone else in between, people who operate somewhere between the two.

It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is deliberately trying to upset you or trying to get out of seeing you. It sounds to me like you two just differ on how you manage your time.

definitely agree with appdev on having a talk with him but don't agree he isn't taking you seriously enough. You've known him a long time, I don't believe he started a relationship with you half heartedly but then only you would know that.

There is nothing wrong with talking to him about your expectations of the relationship and his and what you can do to make things better for both of you. Or it could be a case of incompatibility in which case, it might not work out.

[DylanNotorious]

Ditch him. He's selfish. He's the type that what suits him on the day, is what you have to go along with on the day. Regardless of what has been discussed the night before.

 

It's what he wants, when he wants it. Unless you think that's sexy, find another!

[Jlizzy]

I think Jordesse has hit it nail on the head! I don't think it's an intentional annoyance/ disrespect whatever you want to call it....he's just busy and kind of adjusts the plans as required. It's funny how much you learn about yourself by being in a relationship. I would consider myself very laid back and I'm pretty sure others would say so too and I can't claim that I'm miss super punctual. However if I make plans I stick to them and I find this tendency to change venue, location, number of people, etc etc to be something that would do my nut in very quickly! I now can't help but feel upset: it was left up to me as to whether to join him tonight or tomorrow....then in the afternoon he changed it to it would be better if I came down tomorrow because he'll be exhausted.....so at half ten he leaves a voicemail to say hi, sorry he hasn't been in touch, he was busy all day and his mobile eventually ran out and he was off to the pub with his colleague for a drink before bed! Again am I being prissy or would you be upset too?? He's been telling me over the past 2 months stuff like I'm welcome to join him anytime and how he couldn't sleep the other night without me......hmmmmmm

[jordesse]

Hi again Jizzy. Just have a couple of questions: What was he like for the four years you were friends? Is it only now you're in a relationship with him that he is acting this way?