Did He Really Forget?

[GymSweetie]

Hi,

 

If your oh so busy ex completely spaced an appt with you, arrived 1/2 hr late but apologized profusely & seemed genuinely sorry...

 

Should you:

(a.) Come around, but ignore him

(b.) Shrug it off, be civil and let him come your way

(c.) Tell him you will see him in a week & then blow it off

(d.) Forget him completely & do NC

 

Or any combination of the above?

[fallslikerain]

well, I suppose it depends on why he was late. I don't really know the situation between the 2 of you, but in general if a girl I ask out doesn't show up on time, when she's 20 minutes late I'll call her and tell her I couldn't wait any longer and something came up(even if its just my sock drawer) and that she should call me to reschedule. That way theres no confusion as to whether she's interested(if she calls great, if not, too bad) and i'm non verbally saying its okay to no show me.

[GymSweetie]

Ok, we scheduled & confirmed an appt Tues for a private gym lesson for my daughter at 8am Thurs since I had an adult gym class immediately following at 9am Thurs. I kept my daughter out of school so she could have this private. Although he was late, he did a 1/2 hr private with her & invited her to stay & workout in adult gym class w/us right after. It turned out ok.

 

Later that evening daughter had regular gym class. When I came in to pick her up, he came my way and we talked. Mostly about the fact he is unhappy with his life bc he says he doesn't have enough free time. I get the feeling there's more to it than that. He said his new gf (of 5 wks) just got a $10 million bonus so why should he work? But, from what I see, she is falling into the same negative patterns as I did which caused our breakup. ie... bringing him food, showing up unannounced at his work, gifting him...I made all the mistakes, so I know what a turn off it is to be insecure with him.

 

BTW, I am leaning toward answer (c.)

[Mun]

. He said his new gf (of 5 wks) just got a $10 million bonus so why should he work?

 

She, his girlfriend, is the one that got the bonus--NOT HIM. He needs to keep working. This sounds like a man who is used to milking it for all it's worth, then running when things get serious. Be careful with him.

 

Don't you think it's a bit rude that he talks to you about his girlfriend? It would be fine if you two are friends, and you no longer have any interest in him romantically, but you do. He used to date you and I think he knows you still have feelings, he should be more sensitive.

 

Next time wait 20 minutes then take daughter to school. Your time is valuable too, people will treat you the way you allow them to.

 

Remember that

[GymSweetie]

I doubt he completely forgot our appt even tho he seemed genuine. (even if he did-is it any better, no) I think he more likely did it to hurt my feelings. And, I'm sure you are right...he knows I still have feelings for him. I try to be friends, but everytime we take one step in that direction, we seem to take 2 steps back. (ie...he tries to make me jealous, ignores me or hurts my feelings...then he will hug, touch or flirt w/me to make up for it) This is the 1st time he's talked w/me about gf. Yes it was rude. But, what I gathered from our talk was important, that he is still with her, but he certainly isn't happy. Money or no money.

 

I didn't know about the 20 min rule. Since it's a little after the fact, do I have any other recourse rather than to just go with answer (b.) ?

Thanks!

[Mun]

I don't think you have any other choice but answer b.

 

You know why? Because this guy sounds like he has a big ego. I think he very much enjoys the attention from several women ( who doesn't) but likes keeping them all at bay. He is classic committment-phobe. He is in a new relationship and he is already complaining--to another woman whom he knows has feelings for him.

 

You are unique and special. Remember this next time you want to saddle up next to him in hopes that he acknowledges you. I don't mean this in a negative way---I want you to feel good about yourself Sweetie. When you feel positive about yourself there are many things you won't tolerate

[lady00]

This guy has a girlfriend. You need to back off if you still have feelings for him cause it's not fair to her and you'll get hurt. Can you find yourself and your daughter another gym?

[sally101]

Hi GymSweetie,

I remember posting to you probably 6 weeks ago. At that time, I thought you had had enough of him, and was going into NC for your own sanity to get through your divorce. Why are you still putting up with this guy and his behavior and games?? If you had gone into NC, you would have been 6 weeks into healing now instead of still dealing with this c**p at square one....

 

I hope you really consider just not dealing with it anymore, instead of trying to figure out what every move means. NO guy is worth it...