Brandell Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 .. I would like to know how many of you were contacted by your ex. after giving up hope of ever hearing from them again? Are there any cases here of an ex. contacting you after say 6 - 12 months of No Contact? And if so what form did it take? A chance meeting or call or whatever? I have heard of cases where the ex. came sniffing around just when the other had truly moved on etc. almost as if they could sense it. Just looking for any general long term no contact tales ending in an out of the blue contact and what the result was? And did those people find you could re-kindle a friendship or did it bring feelings flooding back? I have a feeling (just from reading these posts) that very few ex's contact the people they have left behind after more than 6 months has passed. Just what I have read here. Most seem to make contact within 2-4 months. Don't know if there is any meaning in those timeframes. On the plus side. I have a date tonight! Thanx Link to comment
makeshiftdoll Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 It really depends on the relationship. Did you end on good or bad terms? Who ended the relationship, etc.? Was there an understanding that you two would still like to be a part of each other's lives? There really is no set time that your ex will contact you. I've heard from as little as two weeks to as long as ten years. In my own experience, my ex (who ended things because he didn't feel he could give me what I needed) contacted me after a month and has been creeping around ever since, asking questions, pawing for attention. Could you elaborate on your situation a little bit more? Have fun on your date tonight! Link to comment
Mjane Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I read your post and all I could think of was how sad it would be for anyone holding out hope of hearing from the X 6 or 12 months later. Link to comment
Brandell Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 Did you end on good or bad terms? Good terms? Is there such a think in relationship breakup? It was neither good nor bad terms. Very emotional. She ended it with me because of emotional issues and baggage in her life. She also felt I could not offer her what she needed in terms of looking after her future. (We both are separated with our own kids). I also have issues which caused problems. Who ended the relationship, etc.? She ended it very joltingly with very mixed signals. Leaving/coming, leaving/coming back but finally leaving and me instigated no contact. Claimed she loved me more than life itself but could not be with me until we both "healed" (I have an alcohol issue I have been working on) Was there an understanding that you two would still like to be a part of each other's lives? There was an understanding, but a very mixed up one. I always wanted us to be part of each others lives but again she did/didn't, did/didn't and finally I got sick of it and instigated No Contact and I am healing well after 5 months no contact. Anyway thats my situation since you asked but really I am not looking for an analysis of my situation (I feel she is gone for good and even if she is not I am not sure I would take her back anyway now. I have had alot of time to think). No, just looking for general stories of ex's who have wondered back after long periods and what the reasons/circumstances of it were. Link to comment
Brandell Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 I am not holding out hope Mjane. Infact I am much stronger now but of course I still think of her. Forgive me but that comment came accross as a little patronising. We are all here to help each other. I am curious to hear others experiences. Link to comment
Scout Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I had an ex call me a year later to apologize for the way he broke up with me (he basically stopped calling me and wouldn't return my calls). He ended up visiting me a couple of weeks later after calling, and yep, we hooked up. Then he disengaged again. I've also had a guy contact me about eight years after a break up. I had broken up with him because he was very abusive. I felt really uncomfortable that he called, to tell you the truth. But I've never had one that I really longed to hear from again contact me after a permanent break-up. Link to comment
Mjane Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 My comment was not meant as patronising only that in 6 to 12 months hopefully you wouldn't care if you ever heard from them again. It's good that you are stronger. I post what I think, not necessarily what people want to hear. Just my opinion. Link to comment
raccoon Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 About at year and a half ago I broke up with someone who I didn't see a futue with. The relationship lasted a little over a year. For awhile, I didn't think that I could initiate contact because I was the dumper and thereforeeee my ex would be mad at me and didn't want to hear from me (or so I thought... it was my first serious relationship). We only started talking after we randomly bumped into each other in the street four months later. And if you think that can't happen to you... we live in New York... there are 8 million people here. what are the odds? It happens. After that we started e-mailing back and fourth, but didn't see each other for months and months later. Today we are friends, but it took a long time to get there. So that's my experience with recontacting an ex. Of course I'm here today because I was dumped a little while ago. Been wondering if I'll ever hear from him again. Without a chance encounter... I think probably not. Link to comment
raccoon Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I've been thinking since you wrote your question... I wonder if the way to tell if you're over the breakup - the way to know that you're ready to move on - is if you don't care whether or not your ex contacts you. I'm hoping to get there real soon. Just a thought Link to comment
ForAnother Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I've only had one serious relationship. After I broke with her, she called me about 3 weeks later... and wanted friendship. I talked to her for another 3 weeks, and decided it wouldn't work. Don't know if that has much to do with this topic... Hearing after 6 months I would think that it is just a friendly thing, and if anything happens it would be ENTIRELY awkward. ForAnother Link to comment
Vert Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Raccoon, I think being completely over your ex is having two things and you mentioned one of them.... 1) Not hoping/caring for the ex to contact you anymore 2) Being able to see, hear, or talk with the ex and not have any expectations Link to comment
tiger_lilies Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 My ex of three years wrote me a sob letter after 6 months of zero contact. I have read the letter a thousand times and each time I feel something different. Mostly sadness because he expresses how sad he is without me now. But I also feel a lot of anger because he makes it seem like I should feel sorry for him. Ha! I decided not to respond. In a way, I hope that my silence is deafening for him. I still think about him everyday and it's been 7 months of no contact since the last day I saw him walk out on me. I don't think he'll ever contact me again...I was surprized by his letter but since I never responded, I'm sure he won't make the move again. Oh well, good riddance...I guess. Link to comment
Vert Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 You're definitely a strong person, tiger. I don't think I could do that... Right now its been 3 months broken up w/ 2 1/2 months of no contact. She has blocked me on AIM and never attempted to contacted, and she's the one that broke up with me! Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 vert im in same boat. my ex broke up w/ me in march for time alone unhappiness w/ himself etc. he kept communication open via IM's & i only spoke to him occasionally when hed IM me i tried to not IM him. but NOW after 7months broken up im blocked. wth? he did email me a few weeks ago thanking me for mailing him back a picture of his dog that pased away, sayin how much it meant to him bla. it was a one line email. watev. sum say im blocked b/c hes not over me, & needs me out of his life completely in order to move on. or figure out what he wants. (which i have dun in the past w/ someone) but personally i think he just doesnt care to have me in his life anymore. weird tho i see him out on the streets/in bars etc & he comes up & hugs me talks to me asks who im with wat im doin etc. i keep it as casual & nonchalant as possible tho im dying inside! its now october & i still hurt & cry over him. sincerely, -hopeless. Link to comment
ForAnother Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 its never fun dealing with exes. ForAnother Link to comment
blushes Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 i guess i am still waiting to hear if he is going to ever contact me, its been 6 weeks so far since being dumped and 5 weeks with N/c so i guess its early days for me, tho it feels like years instead of weeks i probably still live in hope and right now i cant imagine life without him ever getting in touch again, i know i am not blocked, i know that he is no where near his pc anymore but part of me tells me that there must still be a part of him that does wonder how i am, (just the way i knew him and the way he dumped me ) hope, hope, hope bout all some of us can do Link to comment
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