When do I ask for my things back?

[jude]

Hi,

 

My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago last Thursday. We've been together for 2 and half years, so it's been really tough on me. She told me she needed time for herself--she kept saying she needed time and that she needed to feel like she could make it on her own. Well, she called me this past Friday and said she wanted to catch up with me sometime. She hasn't called yet, and she's been online and hasn't IMd me. I don't know how to feel. All I know is that 2 and a half years ago, she loved me like no other person ever has. She emailed me after the break up and told me she had to take timeouts to cry, and that she longed to hold me and tell me everything would be all right, but she just couldn't do that right now.

 

I have her apartment key, and have asked her if she wants it back--but she told me that it wasn't about the key. I told her that I could drop it off at her apartment under the mat, but she refused to ask for it back. On top of that, I have several things that belong to me at her apartment, and she hasn't asked me if I want to pick them up. I have my bike, leather jacket, and a few pieces of clothing. When should I ask for these things back? I haven't asked for them back yet, because I know it's only been two weeks since we broke up. I keep feeling like she'll come around, and she hasn't asked me to pick my things up because it's not over. Am I seeing this right?

 

I have made a point to respect her wishes, and I haven't called or emailed. I want to show that I respect her. So that's why it's hard for me to email or call and ask for my things back. But at what point to I draw the line? Is there hope?

 

I'll take any suggestions I can get.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

[hurtbylove]

I think it's ok to just go ahead and grab your stuff back.

 

But I also know that this is one of those, seeing you for the last time kind of deals.

 

Getting stuff back is like the nail in the coffin, the final breakaway and deal of the relationship.

 

Try to keep it neutral and brief.

[jude]

You might be right--and you are definitely right about it being one of those, "seeing you the last time" deals. I guess that's why I'm so scared to get my things back, because I'm just not ready to put the nail in the coffin, and I just don't know if she's ready to either.

[hurtbylove]

I meant to say "death of the relationship" in my last post.

 

I had a sort of bad breakup. I was a mess. She left some valuable stuff with me and I really debated revenge of keeping it instead of giving it back.

 

We had an argument about it and I didn't sleep too well that night, the next morning I dropped it off on her doorstep.

 

But I held onto it for a while because I felt like she would have no reason to talk to me otherwise. Ironically she hasn't contacted me since either. I'm guessing it's to give me space.

 

 

So just let it sit for a while. It's like a piece of hope, just a stupid reason to go and see her.

[Soleil swallows the MOon]

I think breakups suck [PROFANITY REMOVED BY MODERATOR]. THey are a big waste of time and emotions. All these silly games we play with each other just cuz we dont know what we really want. THere are three major reasons people break up with someone:

 

1. They arent attracted to them anymore, they are attracted to other people instead

2. They are depressed and confused ( Burn out at school or at work) so they take it out on their significant other.

3. They want to move on because the relationship is dead but they are too chicken to get out of the relationship for fear of making a mistake and being lonely.

 

Figure out which of the options applies to your situation and find out ways to deal with it. Here is a clue: give her what she wants: space. Even if she keeps coming back push her away for a while till she knows what she wants.

[fridolyn]

...faster you get your stuff back...faster the healing....

 

 

I know how you feel, I was in the same situation 10 months ago. If I had to do things again, it would be different:

 

- I would have asked for my stuff back right away.

- I would have begged once. (not more than 30 minutes)

- I would have healed faster

- I would have kept a good self-esteem

 

Whatever...give her time if that's what she needs but prepare yourself for the worst. My post may not be that clear but I'll be happy to help you more if things go bad. PM me EM me!!!

[raccoon]

Jude,

 

You're being remarkably mature and responsible about your breakup. I'm glad to hear it. You're very strong for giving your ex the space she asked for. That's very hard to do.

 

I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask for your things back now. My experience in my past breakups has been that the dumpee asks for the stuff back from the dumper one week after the breakup. Meet in a public place... a coffee shop is perfect. Exchange polite conversation and personal belongings, and then quietly say goodbye. It's the last date ritual that I think is part of the healing process. I always cry on the walk home.

 

good luck

[jude]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I think all of you have extremely valid points to make--and wonderful advice.

 

I have an update: She Instant Messaged me again lastnight. She asked about work, my family, my niece... and we talked about her dog, whom I love very much. Her dog is the only dog I've ever loved--I've never had my own. She told me he was sad and missed me. She said, "he's become an attention w*ore." I told her, "yeah, I've spoiled him, huh? I can't help it, I just love him so much." She said, "I know, and that hurts." But she told me the maybe I should come and see him sometime. So, there ya have it... the link--is the dog. Before we got offline, I told her I missed her, and she said she missed me too, but that was it. She's out of town for a couple of days, and won't be back until Friday.

 

In the past, we've normally gone to pick out pumpkins together at a nearby pumpkin patch. I wish so much I could ask her to go, but I know that I have to wait for her to come to me. We were supposed to go to a Halloween party that's coming up--I'm sad I'm probably not going.

 

I'm graduating with two degrees this December. I remember about 2 months ago she told me that as a graduation present, she wanted to help put down money for us to go on a trip--to Jamaica or somewhere tropical. We even looked online for good deals and everything. I think this is sad. But I know that there's nothing I can do but hope for the best, and hope that she comes around.

 

I want reply back to one of the postings--one of you said that there are 3 reasons why people break up with someone else. Well, number 2 sounds just about right in my situation. She's not happy with her job, at all. She works for the State, and is grant funded. She doesn't know if they'll renew her grant or not, and on top of that, legislature is talking about reorganizing the state gov. offices again--or something like that.

 

Anyway, thanks again.