Thin line?!

[mrsyari]

I will start off by saying that I am married currently to a man 5 years in May. We have a beautiful 3 year old daughter.

 

That being said before I met my husband I had a minor fling with another girl and that was unlike anything I had ever experienced. When we kissed I melted and anytime I was around her I felt so attracted to her it was crazy. Well it never progressed from there and we never had sex. Soon after I met my husband fell in love got married etc. My marraige has been spiraling down because although I care for him we have a lot of issues (covered in a different post). But I feel like part of the problem is I am still attracted to women and I'm not sure if it's just my unfulfilled fantasy or am I actually wanting to be with a woman. Sex with him just doesn't do it I fantasize about being with a woman and sometimes I dream about it as well. Is there a way to know if it's lust or could possibly be that I need to be honest with him and come out of the closet per se. I know my family would accept me either way so coming out to them would be easy but how do you come out of the closet when your in a 'straight' marraige. Anyone out there with a similar experience or any advice?

[capilot]

Well, there's a chance that you could offer him a threesome, then there'd be something for both of you. A lot of men would jump at the chance.

 

There's a smaller chance that you could simply tell him you want to try it with women. Some men don't consider that to be cheating.

 

There's almost no chance that you could actually cheat on him without eventually getting caught, so I definitely wouldn't go that route.

 

Or you could just leave him and take the chance that you'll be happier that way.

[luminousone]

Well, there is a chance you are gay or bi.

 

I really think you need to be honest with your husband - no cheating. Also, a threesome could be hurtful to your husband especially if you become more attached to the woman. I have friends that did that and she realized she was gay - and it really hurt her husband.

 

It might help if you talked about it with your husband and perhaps did a trial separation so you could explore.

 

While this will undoubtedly hurt your husband, it is better that he knows. And make sure he knows that it is not his "fault"

[cadmiumblue]

I really shouldn't say this but to me it sounds like you really need to divorce him. I think you'd be happier. You can't have a marriage and live a life based on a lie.

[lukeb]

I've skimmed over your post and you are right a lot of issues, it is highly doubtful that any of these problems have anything to do with your so called unfulfilled fantasies. If you want to divorce him then divorce him, there is no real need to try to grasp at all these reasons to try to convince yourself. If this is something you need to be talked into then you probably shouldn't divorce him and you should probably try to make this marriage work. Make a choice though either do the things you need to do to make this marriage work or divorce him. I think you have a lot of problems committing to things but would rather like to make excuses why you can't. Getting your license is one example, if this is something you want then go for it, commit to it, but don't blame your marriage for not being able to do it.

[mrsyari]

I think you have a lot of problems committing to things but would rather like to make excuses why you can't.

 

Ouch pretty harsh. I don't have a license yet because I just recently became legal. Naturally the first thing I wanted to do when I became legal was get my license. And he was a brick wall he said we don't have money to pay for your car or insurance. Excuse after excuse and I let him. My fault obviously. I just want to find out who I am exactly and amidst all of our issues it's hard to do that. I care for him deeply and I could try harder to make it work. And I will but it's small things that drive me crazy about him.

 

We had a serious discussion today and I understood his frustration at not having a job. And he actually let me in as to how he's feeling. He's a very strong man and never lets his emotions show perhaps that's part of our poor communication. But when he tells me that he's really depressed that he doesn't have a job and all this stuff. And then he stays up til 3 am doing random stupid stuff and sleeps til 12 the next day it pisses me off. He doesn't search for jobs and applies to them but rather expects me to do it for him. Am I wrong for that?

 

At times I do so want to make it work, but then there's times when I feel like his mom and not his wife is when I want to throw in the towel. This is the reason I can to this site because I want an unbiased opinion if I talk to my friends and family of course they will take my side. Maybe I am being too fast to throw in the towel and maybe it's because leaving seems like the easy way out. But I don't wanna take the easy way out. If we go down I wanna know I gave it my all.

 

I guess I have my answer. Im going to work on me and my goals wether or not he wants to follow I guess that will be the true test to our relationship.

 

Thank you lukeb for your honesty and to all who replied.