Missy May Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 This will be a long post, and maybe it doesn't really even belong under "Getting Back Together," but here I go. My ex-boyfriend and I dated for roughly ten months. It felt like the best ten months of my life. I was his first serious girlfriend-- the first girl he's ever initiated a kiss with, said, "I love you" to, or had sex with. We had a lot of frequent arguments over little things, and both of us had thrown around the, "Just break up with me, then" line, but we always made up after a few minutes. I think this led ultimately to our demise. Also, we had some value differences, in that I don't drink alcohol or smoke, and when he did occasionally, it was a pet peeve of mine. I believe though that he truly loved me during this time. Our mutual friends agree. I believe his parents were also a large influence on the break-up. I think his father supports the, "go out and party while you're young" mentality. Cut to the break-up... My ex and I had a small argument over his breaking plans that night to be with his parents. (I was too demanding of his time; I recognize that now.) He ended up telling me that literally within the one argument, his feelings went from love to nothing. He said he wanted to keep the watch I gave him which is engraved with our names and a heart, as well as the rock he picked up on the beach on our vacation a couple of weeks before (a "symbol of our love" he had called it when he picked it up), because he says that he has good memories of us when he looks at them. He said he wants to be single, and eventually see other people, and yet, he told me, "Who knows? Maybe one day we'll get back together like my parents did." He then immediately went no contact. Like an idiot, I groveled for the first day. I have now been no contact four days; we've been broken up for twelve. I'm making no attempts to contact him. Where it gets complicated is that we have a month-long study-away class together in January (four months from now). If he is single then, and I still have feelings, should I act on it? What would you recommend doing? Link to comment
markie6 Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 stay NC until january and see how you feel then Hopefuly you will have gained some clarity by then , and then it won't bother you .. good luck Link to comment
Missy May Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 Does time and space ever really work in these situations (especially since he is the one who both ended the relationship and initiated the no contact)? Should I be patient, fix what I can about myself, move on for myself but keep the thought alive of making an attempt in January? Or should I end this now and forget everything? I guess what I'm asking is, is it pointless to keep the hope alive? Link to comment
markie6 Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Well he ended it, there is nothing you can do to change his mind. So it's over unless he decides to try and rekindle.... what you must not do is wait and hope for something that may never happen.. Link to comment
Missy May Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 That's a good point. I guess what's confusing me is all of the strange events surrounding the breakup. His reason was, and I quote, "My dad just sees something in you that reminds him of my mother before they broke up and got back together." Then he wanted to keep the things I gave him, and such, and of course there was the part about getting back together in the future. It seems so contradictory. It just confuses me to no end. Link to comment
markie6 Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Everything is confusing at breakup time. If he is letting somebody else.. make is choices, well that is just crazy , even if it's a parent... the one about the future..is probably something to soften the blow, not 100% always but maybe nearly there. Change for you.. look after you ...if after 4 months of NC you are still hung up on him... think again then... but try not to just put all your hope on the line..4 months goes quickly. Normaly 4 Months NC should get you to the point where you will not worry anymore and may even think ..what was i thinking ? so him going NC on you..will help , if he gets back in touch... do not reply..at least have a good hard think before doing anything. Do not be one of those who replies 20 seconds after a message that could mean absolutely nothing. You have to look after number 1... so be kind to yourself and leave him to face the consequences of his actionsThat's a good point. I guess what's confusing me is all of the strange events surrounding the breakup. His reason was, and I quote, "My dad just sees something in you that reminds him of my mother before they broke up and got back together." Then he wanted to keep the things I gave him, and such, and of course there was the part about getting back together in the future. It seems so contradictory. It just confuses me to no end. Link to comment
joe99 Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Yes, we have need to advice every time. Mean proper counseling is very important for any situation. Good and professional advice high light pros and cons. Link to comment
Missy May Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 Does dating another person, trying to move on, destroy chances at getting back together in the future, or even being friends? Link to comment
markie6 Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Trying to move on is very important , dating is normal rather than waiting for a train that may never arrive , will it harm chances... well that depends if there is a chance. All the time you don't have a chance ( ie been dumped , broken up ) it shouldn't have any bearing Do not... I repeat do not put your life on hold Link to comment
Missy May Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 I think it could be really good for me to meet new people, and resume casually dating. Does this mean, however, that I need to drop all hopes of him out of my life completely? What do you think is best? Link to comment
Missy May Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 Also, I'm coming to understand that the most attractive thing I could possibly do to have any sort of hope for a second chance is to move on anyways. If I give off the desperate, needy vibe, he will be repelled by that. Secondary to that, if I let myself believe that reconciliation is a likelihood, I will have no motivations to keep up the changes I have started making which would be vital to making a second chance work anyways. I guess what I'm asking is, can someone move on, yet still be open to a future with an ex, or is that incongruous? Link to comment
Vegetable Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Does dating another person, trying to move on, destroy chances at getting back together in the future, or even being friends? It all depends on the kind of man he is. I'm going through a breakup myself and I've been reading a lot trying to find ways to get back together or make him fall in love with me again. That being said, a lot of advice people give is going out on dates with other people, and even showing your ex that you're out there with someone else to make them jealous and push his "hot buttons" or whatever. Honestly, from my past experience, this has worked with the type of man who is somewhat insecure, who has the need to show others that he can get whatever he wants. On the other hand, if I tried pulling this "move" on the man I just brokeup with, it wouldn't work. He respects me too much and he'd be happy that I have moved on and happy with someone else even if he was dying to come back to me. He'll probably be your friend again with time if you start dating someone else. I don't know about getting back together, it will depend on what kind of man he is. Link to comment
markie6 Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Treat is as it over for good, unless they change their mind.. it is anyway. If he comes back, well that's something to think about if it happens. Hope dies last anyway good luck Link to comment
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