feeling lonely..sad depressed over a break up i caused...but really didt want..

[cissybug4]

I'm new to this site...so any advice is very much needed....this is long story ill try to make as short as possible...me and my well...now ex boyfriend...have been together for just under a year...the 1st 6 months were great....we both feel in love fast and it was truly a feeling that was amazing....I thought I was in love before...but after fallin in love with him...I now no I was never truly in love before....things were going very well for us...no fights...nothing....he does things that I might not agree with...but deff was ok with....well he went on a trip..i guess u can say...was work related...even tho I don't fully agree....I was completely ok and understanding of his reasons....well on this trip...I asked him if he would mind me going out with some friends to a club dancing...he told me he didt want me to go...so I respected him and him not wanting me to go...so I said ok how about I just meet ur out at a local bar then for a drink... he said that he really didt want me going out to a bar...so I was completely ok with that...cause in a relationship you need to respect each other...so I understood and didt go...because if he asked me the same I wasn't sure I would want him out in a bar...well after a week or 2 of him being back from his trip...we were together at his place (like we always were) I was on his phone looking for a cetain text....that I swore I sent...he said I didt...so well I'm on his phone...I run accross a text from a girl named marty....yes I instantly wanta no what this is...so I open it...and well it was him asking her for a picture...she sent one...he said cute...but its not real clear can u send another...then a text of her asking him for a picture...then he responded that was on bus back home..when he got home..and cleaned up...he would send one....it ended there....but that was just to much for me....I did confront him...I guess u could say I freaked out...said I was leaving...it was over cause that to me is a form of cheating...if ur in a relationship...and ur in love...you should not wanta even flirt...inless your not happy...so he begged me to not leave him...swore up and down...nothing happened..and that nothing like that would ever happen again...it was about a week of crappy fighting....I stayed and I did hobestly believe him...but things were never the same...in the next few months I guess I needed him to help me feel as if I was important to him...and I was not feeling it...he never made any time for me...everything came 1st...we had no communication at all...I tryed telling him how I felt...and it only caused fighting...then on top of all this..I find out I'm pragnet...told him...and for almost 2 months...not a word is said about it to each other....I'm dieing inside...and really hurt...holding in all kinds of feelings....we fought..a big fight...then we for 1st time talked about it....but by now I already decided a abortion was the best thing....for other reasons as well...he said he was with me no matter what....but we were right back to not talking at all....I went threw with it...he new when my appt was...but never offered to go nutting...I was at this point done trying to get him to open up...or care...I needed for him to do it on his own...with out fighting for it....and well it only got worse....I ended up super sick from the med's they gave me...and never one time even asked...how it went....if I was ok...nothing....I of course ended up flippin and going to get my stuff from his house...not being able to take everything...I told him how I felt about him not even asking if I was ok....told him I would be back for my stuff....in the next few days he would text saying he loves me....misses me...but as soon as I would speak about how hurt. I was...he would ignore....then again in day or 2 text a good morning.....then that weekend he texted me telling me he was to take off of work to go out of town for weekend for nefews football games....it pissed me off...he couldn't take off work and be there for me...but could for that...I never was sooo hurt...I told him sooo many times in a text the next few days...week...how I felt sooo alone...and that I didt feel as if I mattered to him at all...that everythingelse always came 1st....that went on for awhile...then he showed up at my house to talk....we fought for awhile....and it went till 4 am...we statred to talk and not fight about 2 am...it was nice...I thought we were getting somewhere cause...we both said alot of things that needed to be said for a long time....but he went to leave....and I told him I needed for him to stay....that after all that time of feeling lonely...depressed...I wanted to feel a emotional connection again....I wanted to be held....I wanted for him to to it cause it was important to me...he refussed and said can we pick up tomorrow....I no I could have...but I didt feel like I should have to wait longer...well its been crappy sense....I feel so ****ty...lonely...depressed...and don't no what to do....any advice????

[bw92116]

After all that, why would you want to be with him?

It's clear that you are not getting your needs met.

And I think you never would, in that relationship.

What reason do you have to stay with him?

[msphlyer]

Find comfort in the fact that you made the right decision. It sucks to have to make it, but do not once doubt it. Break ups for some reason seem to make you only remember the positive and you therefore start to second guess yourself. I would suggest writing down all the things he did to make you unhappy. Just reading your post is more than enough for me to see you deserve wayy better, and you WILL find it. Time heals all wounds, hang in there, don't look back and only move forward.

[cissybug4]

I know that these things you say are so true...but why does it hurt so deep...why do I find myself still hoping when the phone rings its him...its soo sad...when Im at work I get asked out so many times...I use to be flattered by this...now I find it annoying....I feel sick over all this...I have lost so much weight...yet I know he is not worth it...but I cant seem to snap back to life....thanks for all your responses...so glad I found this site....

[bw92116]

The next time someone asks you out, say yes! And have a good time! And don't feel guilty about it. It will be a good break from all this stuff. Don't forget your life!

[cissybug4]

How weird...out of blue ex texted me....to tell me I can have rest of my stuff...he also told me how hard this is for him...that hes hurting....when truth is...if that was true....he would have been able to show me long ago....so I don't understand why he does this to me....but I decided to take a complete diff approach...I instead of always being angry and bitter....I said I was trying to let go of my anger and bitterness...so it would make letting go easier...so I can move forward....so I then thanked him for all the good times...I thanked him for being apart of my life...told him there was good...it was not all bad...lets try to remember that...we sent a few more text back and fourth...he said he will always love me and some really nice stuff....he then said he would text me later that day...so he could return rest of my stuff....which he had ignored and blown off doing for a while....I ended up telling him before to just keep it...it was not worth him hurting me to get it....then yesterday he text all that stuff....so he left it at he would text me later....its now the next day in afternoon and not a word from him....so I just texted..telling him...that was my point...hes not a man of his word....and its clear he never cared about me at all...I'm not willing to let him keep hurting me....I told him he no longer has that power....so don't ever text again...to just enjoy what was once mine...I no longer want it.....its just things....things that can and will be replaced.....I no its time to fully let go and move on....but boy does it hurt....I have good things happening for me right now...I start a new job this week...and some more things....and it really sucks to not be as happy about these things as I should be right now.....ggrrrr I'm sick if feeling crappy....any advice??? Thanks