How do you get over the........

[Irishag33]

Putting myself out there but owell. Im just wondering what other people might think on this topic. I know that sex matters in a relationship, but how do you get over it once you've lost it? Does anyone else have problems with this. In my last relationship the sex was so awesome and unlike any I've ever had before. I guess we just had that "connection".. I miss him, or who I thought he was of course, but without shame ill admit that I miss the mind blowing sex a lot. Is this a personal issue that I might need to work out or can anyone else relate.

[Loveandlost]

I usually take care of my self a bit more until someone else comes along

[DerekJason]

i feel ya, the sex with the recent ex was not the greatest ive ever had, but we def mixed very well. When the thought enters my mind "wow i wish we could do (certain acts) again" i just shrug it off, and continue, thats all you can really do. truth be told, in the 15 mths post BU, ive had a not so insignificant amount of sex, but its all been meh. i guess cuz the deep mental connection wasn't there. BLAH.

[itsallgrand]

I find that to be super normal after a break up. Or even just when you are single and haven't had sex for a while!

 

Totally normal and healthy to like mind blowing sex!!

[Irishag33]

Yeah I'm having trouble with it. I know what I like and don't like in that department and it was like he read my mind every time or something. We connected very well and I also cared for him so I guess that added to it. I'm just struggling with it. I don't sleep around so I'll be missing it for awhile I guess.

[Irishag33]

I've just been shrugging it off as you say Derekjason but its just tough because I haven't had many sex partners in my life by choice so when I found one who really fulfilled me in that department it's hard to let go

[gtnovru]

Yeah I loved sex with my ex, and he would say after every time "we have great sex". So we both felt it. I really miss it. I think that's what I missed the most. It was awesome. Physically and emotionally, really great. I just hope I can experience that with another guy. When we first moved in together, we did it twice a day for 2 weeks, then down to 4-5 times a week for the remainder of living together. Going from that... to nothing really depresses me.

[Irishag33]

Yeah he told me I was the best he ever had and I'm pretty sure now his cheating ass has enough experience. I believe him though, that's how well we connected there. I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I've been beating myself up over it.

[gtnovru]

I don't sleep around so I'll be missing it for awhile I guess.

 

Same here. I've contemplated offering him a "**** buddy" deal just so I wouldn't have to go without it for awhile. But I know that would be emotional suicide. And I'm sure he's already screwing someone else. Lucky her

[DerekJason]

Same here. I've contemplated offering him a "**** buddy" deal just so I wouldn't have to go without it for awhile. But I know that would be emotional suicide.

 

yeah, no, don't.

[gtnovru]

And even if he's not screwing someone else yet... he will soon enough... and in the meantime, I'm sure he's beating it every day... I can't do that... makes me depressed that I'm not getting the real thing from him.

 

I have sex dreams about him too : (

[DerekJason]

 

I have sex dreams about him too : (

 

how often?

[Irishag33]

Definitely don't. Im glad that you recognize it would be emotional suicide.

[gtnovru]

how often?

 

Every week. FML : (

[Irishag33]

Every week. FML : (

 

I do believe thats normal. Happens to me as well and YES it does SUCK.

[bw92116]

You state, "I know what I like and don't like in that department and it was like he read my mind every time or something."

 

You don't need to find another lover who can read your mind. You can just tell your next lover what you like and what you don't like.

Men are happy to take requests. They'll never do what you like or don't like if they don't know what that is. Just tell him what you like!

[Irishag33]

You state, "I know what I like and don't like in that department and it was like he read my mind every time or something."

 

You don't need to find another lover who can read your mind. You can just tell your next lover what you like and what you don't like.

Men are happy to take requests. They'll never do what you like or don't like if they don't know what that is. Just tell him what you like!

 

Haha yes I understand that. I guess it was just nice that I didn't have to tell him and we already both liked the same things. Made it even better. But yeah good point.

[bw92116]

Communication!!!!

[gtnovru]

I didn't have to communicate anything in bed with my ex. He knew exactly what to do.

 

Except from behind... not to get too TMI, but he'd slam into me too hard, I didn't like that at all.

[bw92116]

This must be obvious, but communication involves both saying what you like and want AND what you don't like and don't want.

[adyghost]

My situation is a bit different I guess. My sex life with my ex dwindled right after she finished college and started working. Although sometimes it was great, overall is was probably not the best experience ever. However, she was my best so far and I can't help but think about it sometimes. She did some amazing things with me no one else has, and vice versa. To think she would be doing it with someone else soon... is gut wrenching to say the least.

[Heartbroken17]

I felt like this about three weeks after the break up - now I don't care so much!

[gtnovru]

My situation is a bit different I guess. My sex life with my ex dwindled right after she finished college and started working. Although sometimes it was great, overall is was probably not the best experience ever. However, she was my best so far and I can't help but think about it sometimes. She did some amazing things with me no one else has, and vice versa. To think she would be doing it with someone else soon... is gut wrenching to say the least.

 

Oh yeah... thinking about them with someone else is just awful...

 

But then I think to myself "She can have him. He'll screw her... but also lie to her, lead her on, use her, manipulate her, put his family before her, he'll probably lose his job soon because he lied about having a degree".

 

He might be good in bed. But that's really all he's good for. So she can have him.

[Avila]

Oh yeah... thinking about them with someone else is just awful...

 

But then I think to myself "She can have him. He'll screw her... but also lie to her, lead her on, use her, manipulate her, put his family before her, he'll probably lose his job soon because he lied about having a degree".

 

He might be good in bed. But that's really all he's good for. So she can have him.

 

That's a good way to get past it. I've been doing the same. Plus my ex is slumming it so i know the sex was better with me. One day that probably won't be true but for now it makes me smile *evil face*

 

Tbh the first 2-3 months are really hard. I didn't want to sleep with anyone else but at the same time i was throwing out all these freaky, confusing vibes to guys without meaning too. shouldn't really apologize cos break- ups make you a wreck. A heavy dose of sexual frustration paired with 'i don't want anyone else *cry*'... But you get over it. I've stopped thinking about it so much whereas it used to be on my mind constantly. so distracting i don't know how guys cope. now my hormones have calmed down, i've stopped pining for my ex so much and i'm relaxed about finding another partner to fullful that need now. i don't sleep around so that's a relief to my hormones.

 

i loved the sex we had because we had a great connection. it was genuinely also the best he'd had so far and it only got better the longer we were together. he used to occasionally say that he never thought he'd be just as attracted to me 4 years on and yet he was. funny the things we pass up because of our narcissism? hehehe. it wasn't the best sex in the world for me. wasn't bad either. it was a mixed bag but that didn't diminish my enthusiasm. whereas in terms of taste he likely won't be doing better for awhile *more evil grinning* I can though. She can have him. I feel sorry for her because she likely thinks he's a real catch and he's only going to disappoint her. that's not anything to feel pleased about.

 

All in all, the sex dreams and general frustration tends to recede some what so fear not! it gets better.