At a loss and having Difficulities in new relationship.

[gingergreen]

I need help, advice or opinion.

 

I had two failure relationship before. My 1st ex is from UK whom he said he is single. We knew each other for 1 year plus before we become a pair. Seldom get to spend time together because he is always busy with work. One day, I found out he got another girlfriend of 4 years as well he is married with 2 kids. Totally shattered my life to pieces.

 

After 2 years of struggle I managed to have my life back. I met my 2nd guy also from UK. He told me he is divorced and got a son. About his work, life etc. Few months ago, I came to know he had lied to me. He was not truthful about lot of issues. I am badly hurt and my Trust for guy is destroy.

 

Now, I dare not think of another day. Pushing myself to live each day. Recently, someone would like to have a relationship with me. I'm so scared and having hard time to trust that person. Halfway through the realtionship I would pull away and freak out.

 

I want a relationship and to be able to Trust someone again. But I'm unable to do that. Keep asking myself why do they lied to me. Why hurt me? At time, I feel so miserable and cry myself to sleep every night.

 

Please help me.

 

Thanks.

 

Sincerely,

To Trust or Not to Trust[/b]

[vitalcoaching]

Hi Ginger,

 

Sorry to her about your story... I know exactly how you feel.

 

I can give you some feed back on that, okay?

 

In the dating scene, it is partly about love and partly about power. When a guy lies, he is playing power games. It happens in any area of life. Sometimes it is a little lie. Sometimes, it is a big one.

 

Sometimes lies or not badly intended. They are a way of wanting to protect something or not get someone else hurt.

 

The dating environment can sometimes feel like a battle. You develop skills, a form of shield which protects you from negative emotions and lets filter love and positive feelings.

 

You get hurt when you give more than you receive. If you want to start trusting again, the best is to take small steps. Walk in there with open eyes. Now, you have greater awareness and experience. Don't try to hide yourself behind a cloud of naive beliefs.

 

Lying is sometimes part of human nature. Wanting to be in a world where it does not exist is like wanting to cut part of human nature away. Lies are part of life. The way to deal with them is to trust your instincts and stay awake.

 

It can happen any time, anywhere. If you notice that a guy lies to you, you can take steps to protect yourself by simply double checking what he says.

 

Wake up this extra warrior power and develop new shields. The goal is not to sop living. The goal is to get whatever skill is still missing to enjoy this experience at 100%.

 

It is possible! Dare! Go for it. Stay awake and aware. Be realistic and don't try to hide in a romantic dream.

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach

[gingergreen]

Thanks Vitalcoach. I'll try. Hopefully, I can.

 

I treat everyone in my life (family, friends etc) with Honesty, Trust and Respect and expect to be treated that way. Never hurt or harm anyone as I know how painful it is. In relationship it needs Honesty, Trust, Respect, Understanding, Mutual attachment, Committment, Faithful etc.

 

Thanks.

 

 

Sincerely,

To Trust or Not to Trust.

[vitalcoaching]

You're welcome

 

Good luck and stay in touch