Healing pretty fine now, but need advice on how to fix certain problems.

[TopFive]

It's been almost two months since the breakup and I must say that this forum has REALLY helped me. I feel really good and I'm on my way to fully getting over my ex and our year long relationship. The problem is there are a few things that I would like to work on about myself, but I really don't know how.

 

Since leaving the football team, I have been on a good diet and exercise plan. I have joined theater, started writing music again and I am currently looking for a part-time job. So far, I'm getting my body right and I've fixed a few problems like getting drunk and drunk dialing women saying mean things. I just need help learning how to handle bad situations with women like a man. My ex REALLY knew me and knew just how to piss me off. Toward the end of our relationship, I almost ALWAYS handled our problems in a childish or feminine way. I'm kind of still mad at myself about how I handled things and how i let that manipulative, immature chick get to me the way she did. I was always known as the really nice and calm guy until i started dealing with her.

 

Does anyone know how I can fix this problem? I want to go back to being a relaxed individual.

[FYI]

I was always known as the really nice and calm guy until i started dealing with her.

 

Does anyone know how I can fix this problem? I want to go back to being a relaxed individual.

 

If she's no longer around you, chances are that part of you will eventually fade off. If she brought out the absolute worst out of you and she's no longer in your life to do that, you're much better off.

[secondchance67]

TopFive,

 

The first step is in forgiving yourself.

 

Forgive yourself for who you became during that relationship...forgive yourself for the actions that were unbecoming, rude, spiteful, mean or intentionally hurtful.

 

Remember the guy you were before she manipulated your reactions because she knew your "hot buttons" and used them against you.

remember the man that she met, fell in love with, and evveryone else loved to have around.

 

Re- connect with the "old you"; but reconnect that old you with the wiser and smarter current you....blend them together, and you have a great, stable and grounded individual - the one that used walk in your shoes, playing football, writing music and loving life before someone hurt you to your core, made you into someone you are no longer proud of, and fundamentally changed your outlook on life.

 

"Un-do" what she did to you; she is gone, and you are left with yourself.....you have your whole life ahead of you - course correct your life, your thoughts and your view of who you are- don't waste a single moment of this precious gift of life we all have.....you have a new start - make the best of it every day, TopFive, every day.

 

You can fix these issues - why? because you already took the hardest step - you realize they need to be fixed in the first place.

[episkopos]

What do you mean exactly when you say you handled things a feminine way?

I would like to congratulate you on the steps you have taken to move on. You are indeed a great guy and should just allow yourself time to heal nicely. I don't know why you broke up but it must have been really terrible for you because you still sound mad at your ex. Don't allow her to dominate your thoughts and actions at all. Like secondchance67 says, 'Letting go isn't giving up...its making room for something better. I believe there is something better coming your way.

[TopFive]

Thanks secondchance67 you always keep it real with me and make me realize that I'm going to be good after all. I can't wait for the day that i'm 100% over the ex.

[episkopos]

You will be soon. It may not be a 100% but it will be alright.