Saying one thing, doing another.. same old everyday

[Azure13]

My ex has been hurting me and confusing me over the past few months. I am not sure what to do. I feel like I can't get over him because I keep seeing him in my classes at school everyday. He said again recently when school started that he wanted to work on the friendship and we'd see if anything happened, not saying anything would or wouldn't. That we would "work on our communication." Thing is nothing is getting worked on friendship or otherwise, because since then it is back to the silent treatment. I am a shy person and lately hes gotten very cliquey, all he does is speak to his 5 or so friends all day, I feel like I am intruding just to go over to their little group and talk to him. He makes no effort to speak to me, not even to say hi hows it going. When I brought this up he said "oh we could work on that" but yet nothing has been done. This hurts me. I don't understand this, it hurts bc we used to have a really good bond and compatibility together, and I don't know what to do. He keeps saying he wants to be my friend and then the whole door of the "maybe" thing. It drives me crazy, I wish he'd just be my friend and stop saying he wants to be, or if he doesn't want to be I wish he'd just stop saying it. Help/advice/comments/anything?

[vicki]

Hi,

I have to see my ex each day in classes as well, and it is tough. I did what I called a mental NC, since real NC is obviously not possible. I blocked him out of my mind, and would not look at him, did not talk to him, and basically acted as though he wasn't there. This was not to be mean, but to help me cope being around him each day. It really helped me, and I was functioning really well with my friends.

 

Now he is trying to talk to me, but that is another story

 

So just tell yourself it is over, that you are not friends (as hard as that is, I know because I did the same thing) and just assume that you won't ever be friends. THEN you can just go on with things. It is awful being in that limbo, so take yourself out of that limbo yourself, instead of giving him the power to keep you there..

[ForAnother]

Yeah, he is doing it for defense. He is trying to heal, and maybe the message he is trying to give you is that he doesn't wanna talk and doesn't want to be your friend. So like she said, ignore it, run from that situation, and just relax. Its not that tough to do actually... its what happens in your room late at nite when he is all you think about and DON'T see him is when it begins to kill you.

 

ForAnother

[GymSweetie]

Yeah, I know how you feel! What's up with all the double-talk & mixed messages.

 

Well, guess what, i have btdt and I can tell you it's enuf to drive a person crazy unless you know how to read his body language! please run, dont walk to the links below...& sign up for the free body language emails or buy the online book. It's sooo worth it!

[savannahohsavannah]

I didn't see the free emails...which link do I take?

[savannahohsavannah]

I don't know why, but I still have strong feelings for both of them. I loved them both in turn, but neither of them worked out. I'm in no danger of breaking nc for one of them because he's in another town but I don't know about the other...he's still here and I find myself thinking about contacting him.

[Azure13]

You are right. I just am having trouble understanding what exactly went wrong, we used to be really good friends. He dumped me for no reason, I never treated him bad. Whatever I don't know.

[cassiana]

You will drive yourself insane trying to figure out how someone could throw away a good relationship. Thats what happened to me. I think you just have to accept the unpalatable, unbelievable fact that he did this and move on. I would do the mental NC that Vikki suggested. I always work on the principle that I wont go where i'm not wanted.