Observations & Questions from a Somewhat Newly Single Gu

[bullseye]

Ok, a little background on me first so there is some context.

 

I am a 28 yr old male who was in a 7 year relationship until July 2003. So some quick math tells you that I have been single for a little over a year.

 

Seeing as how I spent my 20s with one person, I was somewhat excited/nervous about entering the dating world again.

 

My first concern that was quickly put to rest was that it would be hard to meet people. In fact, it has been quite the opposite. I consider myself pretty picky, but I still have no problems meeting smart, funny, good looking women. WHEW!

 

One issue that I immediately noticed is that most girls in my age range are ready to get married ASAP! So most of my new relationships end after about 6-8 weeks because they want a stronger committment. I have no problems with committing, but how can you know that this person is the one when you have only gone out with them a handful of times?

 

Ok enough background info as I do have some specific questions.

 

1. After a first date, if I am not interested in that person should I call her and tell her that? I am inclined to think that I shouldn't as why would anyone want a call that is all bad news. At the same time, I live in a fairly tight community so I would rather not have people thinking that I am just blowing them off.

 

2. Most of the girls I date, I see once a week (Friday or Saturday night). I call them midweek to set up plans and don't really talk to them any more than that... until... they prompt me to (usually not directly but you can tell when they would like to see me more or chat more often). In your opinion, is this the correct approach?

 

I have more observations and questions, but I will save them for a follow-up post.

 

Regards,

 

bullseye

[Mun]

Hello,

I don't think you should call the girl again unless you want to keep going out with her. If she calls you, then you can politely say that you had a nice time but you didn't find much chemistry between the two of you.( If someone told me this I think I could accept it much better than a full out rejection )

 

I agree with you on the second thing. I think that most of the conversation should be left for the date. You should make small talk and ask her about her day when you call to set up the date though.

 

Have fun

[life_s_strange]

I agree with Mun, unless she calls you, don't call and tell her you don't want to see her again. Most women get excited when their new date calls a second time, so for her to pick up the phone only to hear that she has been rejected would really stink.

 

I think if you really vibed with the girl, then a small mid week chat might not be so bad. Just try not to lead anyone on. I think you should be upfront about not wanting to settle down any time soon. Don't let that part of the conversation wait for 6 to 8 weeks. It is a little unfair