How to get over stupid crush..

[Lily04]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months now. We are very much in love, and everything is pretty much perfect. He is in another country for grad school though, so we're doing long-distance. So far it has worked alright, except I keep getting returning thoughts of this guy I had a crush on in the summer & am feeling really guilty about not thinking about my boyfriend instead.

 

I met this guy who I really clicked well with in my summer school class (right before I began dating my boyfriend.) I liked both, except the other guy was already in a serious relationship and then I met my boyfriend and we also hit it off really well, and began dating. I didn't really talk much with the other guy again, except sometimes over MSN just for some quick questions regarding assignments. I know it's really stupid but I can't get him off my mind. The thing is that I know it's unrealistic and nothing will ever happen because we're both dating people, and I think I like him only because he's really intelligent, and I'm really attracted to that..he's won many writing competitions at school, and his parents are also both professors, so he's very academic, but down-to-earth as well. And he's incredibly good-looking. So, in sum, he's sorta like the ideal guy everyone would like to date. The fact that we hit it off well is the only thing that makes it 'somewhat' realistic (not really, because he has a gf in any case who's also probably perfect.) I know I should think of my boyfriend as perfect as well..he's intelligent as well (perhaps not as deep as this guy though..) and we're perfect together which is most important. I just keep unconsciously thinking about this other guy though which is frustrating..I have dreams about him, and once called my boyfriend his name by accident (he started to worry a bit there, but I told him it was just because I was just talking with him so it just unconsciously slipped out & he warily accepted it..)

 

I guess I just need a reality check..does anyone have any advice for getting over a crush though? I still really like him which is stupid, because I love my boyfriend..

 

Thanks, sorry for the long message!

[acadame]

Just keep telling yourself how much you love your boyfriend everytime you think of that other guy..and how unrealistic the crush is. Eventually it should go away -- especially when you see your boyfriend again. It's probably a lot harder since you're both in different countries..

 

Maybe also writing a list of all the things you hate about your crush will help? Or if you can't think of any, then write a list about all the things you love about your boyfriend. Corny, but it may help you to realize how much better your bf is for you..

 

Also (especially important if you're doing long-distance) you should often communicate with your boyfriend. Maybe these old thoughts are occurring because you haven't been talking with your boyfriend enough & are startign to forget how great he is. Just a thought..

 

HTH,

 

academe

[Alabama]

I know it can be hard to get someone out of your head, but just remember your boyfriend, and keep yourself distracted to get over your crush. Right now, I'm trying to forget a girl, whom I love, but I know has no interest in me what so ever, but I'm being strong...I know I can do it! You can too! You have to...you must! Good luck!

[sole]

NC.

[Lily04]

Thanks so much guys..I didn't think anyone would read my long post. I really should edit, but don't have time now.

 

Anyways, I guess the best approach would just be not to contact him again and keep telling myself that he has no interest in me whatsoever..and that it would never ultimately work. I felt something similar for another guy before as well - he was very smart, funny, etc. but then I found his wedding pictures on the 'net & that gave me a good reality check. I'm sure if I saw him & his girlfriend together it would also remind me of his unavailability & remind me that I'm already in a relationship..but first impressions mean a lot to me I guess, and the first time we met I just felt such an attraction..ugh. But there's ultimately nothing there..I should realize that soon enough. Hopefully by Christmas when my boyfriend comes back.

 

Thx,

 

sparrow

[ayekasong]

Don't beat yourself up too much sparrow. Your taste in men doesn't turn off just because you are attached. I've had crushes on people while with my boyfriend, but they're pretty harmless as long as I don't act on them. I've heard the phrase "look but don't touch," from married people before. Just keep telling yourself you have a boyfriend and that there is nothing between you guys. It's ok to acknowledge that your crush is cute/attractive. Do you refuse to see famous actors and supermodels as attractive the instant you're in a relationship? Of course not! There is nothing there, but you still recognize the fact that they are good-looking.

 

As for your dreams, you can't really control what you dream about. Just chalk it up to a dream and nothing more.

 

In time your crush on this guy will fade away and you'll be able to see him as a possible friend and nothing more. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up for finding men other than your boyfriend attractive. Just don't act on it. Good luck!

[Lily04]

thanks, you're right..it's sorta like a crush on a movie star I guess, since it's unrealistic as well. Ultimately it will fade away I know..hopefully I just don't see him again.