Still wondering what to do.

[Franmar]

He walked out on me a week ago. It was not the first time, he does it every time he drinks too much and then comes back a few days later. So a couple days ago he called and said he missed me. I did not see him, am trying to be strong because he has to stop drinking before I can take him back. He goes to the room he rented in a house a few miles away and I am here looking at all of his things. Then he come home like nothing happened. Today is his birthday...he is 54. I called and left a birthday message. I am afraid he will come back and as usual I will let him in. I love him but he was horrible to me every time he drinks. He really is either PERFECT or IMPOSSIBLE...there is no middle ground. I need to be strong today and stick to my words that he must get help before I can be with him.

[lavenderdove]

If he is 54 and still binge drinking and cannot seem to stop, then what he needs is rehab and a plan for quitting drinking and staying sober.

 

So if he has no plan, then don't take him back. You need to sit down and have an intervention with him and tell him that he needs rehab and until he checks into some kind of a program and stops drinking, you own't even talk to him anymore. And that he must be off drinking for a reasonable period of time before you'd consider getting back with him or letting him move back in. Start making plans to get his things out of your house and put somewhere else.

 

If you keep taking him back and letting him live with you while he drinks then you are just enabling the drinking. He has learned that you are OK with him drinking and these periodic binges and keep taking him back, so he just has to wait you out and eventually you'll cave and take him back. You need to show him that there is no way back into your house unless he gets into a formal program and goes to rehab and stops drinking, and that you will not consider living with him again until he goes without drinking for at least a year...

 

He needs to go to a therapist or doctor and most likely needs to go to rehab and a live in program for a month or more depending on how long and how much he drinks. Quit wasting your life supporting a drunkard. He either gets his act together and stops drinking and treats you with the respect and caring your deserve, or he continues his love affair with alcohol. He can't have both, and you need to make that clear, or he will never give it up (and he may not at his age).