getting past my ex with other guys

[caliboy]

Was with a girl for a year and a half, she broke it off four months ago, and has been dating other guys since then. It bothers me that she's out there with guys doing who knows what, but I try to not let her see this. She says she's not serious with anyone and is just dating other guys. We're 400 miles apart now and have only seen each other once since the break up.

 

Is there anyway to tell if or how affectionate/sexual she's being with other guys? Her and I still talk almost everyday and our conversations are lovey dovey, and from a third perpesctive, you'd think we're a couple from our phone calls. So can a girl be that way with you, but be hooking up with other guys at the same time? Any insight ladies? Anyone?

[hazel eyes]

Ofcourse we can....

She is trying not to hurt your feelings. Like someone told me ...do you expect her to take a vow of celibacy?

It's been months...you have not moved on, and you won't if you keep thinking what she is doing w/ other guys...worry about yourself.

It's always hard to be friends w/ an ex, and this is part of the reason why.

[Pengui6668]

Do you really wanna know what she's doing with other people? I really don't think you do... i used to be like that.. but it just hurts and makes you more angry.. Forget about what she's doing... If you absolutely HAVE to think she's doing something with other guys assume it's sex.. what could be worse than that? nothing, exactly.. prepare for the worst but hope for the best... that's my motto..

[SwingFox]

Hi st,

 

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I understand that you have a hard time thinking beyond what this young woman is doing with other guys she is dating right now, while you are trying to be friends with her.

 

I agree to hazel eyes, that it's very hard to stay in friendships like this. I agree that this is one of the issues that makes it hard to be friends with your ex's. It might be an idea to just let her go, but I am not sure if you are hoping on getting back together again. My suggestion thereforeeeeeee, is that you start to think about what you really expect out a friendship with her and set boundaries for yourself (i.e. what you want and don't want to talk about). That might help you to find closure at some sort.

 

I wish you strength and good luck to pull this through.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[tbone1259]

Im not sure on all the details, but just to be blunt. Dude you need to move on. Im kinnda going through the same thing. Your sitting around waiting, while she is having fun. It can be hard, and still is hard to move forward some days. As long as she knows she can call anytime, and you will be there, what else could a person want. Your the sure thing if other things dont work. This can and will hurt, and drive you crazy, as long as you sit and worry about it. I was the king of that for quite a while, and it almost destroyed me. I have been dating other people just to see what is out there, Trust me there is alot. If you choose to try that, just be honest with whoever your with and things will work out, and usually know one gets hurt. Also just a little quote for ya. If you love it, set it free, if it comes back it's yours to keep. Same goes for you set yourself free for a while, and find out who you are.. When she realizes your out having fun, one or two things will happen. She will feel better about what she is doing, and move on and stop calling or what ever kind of communcation you have. Or she will realize that she could loose something with you, and find that she just wants you. Im not saying go out on a rebound, and hurt people to try and win her back. Just go have fun, and who knows you may meet someone who will make you feel like you wanna feel right now. Just becareful, and not jump to fast. Be yourself, and explore the other possibilities. Have Fun, It all gets better trust me.

[caliboy]

If you love someone, set her free. If she comes back to you, she's yours. If she doesn't, she never was.

 

That's such an honest and great quote. I really understand the meaning of it now, when a month ago I'd say something stupid like it doesn't apply to me. Cause the truth is, I really do love her from the bottom of my heart. If I keep talking to her, I am only being selfish. I talk to her cause I want to hear her voice, I want to tell her I love her, I want to make her laugh, I want, I want, I want... I'm selfish. But I'm really not selfish, I've just been heartbroken and have had a hard time letting go.

 

So how do I go about enforcing this quote. Before you answer that, yes I know, stop communicating with her, let her be free and see what happens. But I want to share this quote with her, tell her that I believe in it cause I truly love her, and that I haven't "set her free" yet cause I've been so heartbroken and have had a difficult time letting her go. But I don't want her to think I'm expecting her to come back, I'm doing it cause I love her and I'm not selfish about it. Is this the right way to go? What should I avoid telling her? What should I tell her? Is this even something I should do?