Seeking mature & wise advice on life, love

[QBwannaB]

This situation dates back over a year ago. Past details are irrelevant, but for reference: (Old post: link removed ). I fell in love for the first time as a senior in college; the girl and I were friends, but nothing more. She moved after graduating, things were awkward, and we lost touch. I wrote her a poem as a Bday gift... she loved it, and we started talking again. During the year apart, I tried moving on to other girls. She visited this summer, and all the feelings came rushing back. I was indescribably happy to hug and hold her when she walked into my apartment. Her visit was brief, and I didn't want to get my hopes up, so I acted distant and detached... she did the same.

 

Now, I'm looking for a job, and she's gone back to school at a new place. When we talked, she said she missed me, and kept telling me to visit and find a job near her. That was slightly encouraging. Most recently, however, we haven't talked in a month. She doesn't call anymore. I'm sure her classes are busy, but I've likely fallen off her radar.

 

During this month, I had a job offer far away from her. I turned it down for several reasons, but one major thought was that I refused to close the door on her (on us). I've never directly told her how I feel, but it's pretty obvious. Similarly, she's never explicitly rejected me, but it's sinking in. Some friends say that if she wasn't interested last year, she's not interested now. Other friends tell me to take her up on that visit, and see what happens.

 

I'm at a crossroads: College grad, looking for a new job and new life. It's ridiculous for me to make decisions with her in mind when I'm such a marginal part of her life. She is a dear friend, but I'm willing to risk that. There's two extremes of action: fold and walk away, or go in all or nothing. Then there's everything in between. Is the writing on the wall, and I'm just illiterate?

 

Thank you kindly for your thoughts and advice

[Mesmer]

You should take this exact post ... cut and paste it to an email and send it directly to her. I think you summed it all up pretty well as to what is going on. Now you just need to find out what she thinks.

 

Respectfully,

Mesmer

[sprkal]

If you walk away will you always wonder what could have happened?

 

You say you are at a crossroads. What better time to take a chance!

 

Go and see her, or you'll always wonder.

[antigone77]

You said:

 

I'm at a crossroads: College grad, looking for a new job and new life. It's ridiculous for me to make decisions with her in mind when I'm such a marginal part of her life. She is a dear friend, but I'm willing to risk that. There's two extremes of action: fold and walk away, or go in all or nothing. Then there's everything in between. Is the writing on the wall, and I'm just illiterate?

 

My .002:

 

Go for it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. But don't expect too much because it will rip out your heart if you hope too much.

But if you will be able to say to yourself, in the case of failure, "I had nothing to lose and would have had to start a new life anyway," you're in a great place to succeed!!

 

I say, go for it! Just be sure to create your own life where you end up, APART FROM HER. That will be your best route to success.

 

Good luck, and keep us posted.