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About QBwannaB

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  • Birthday 06/01/1981
  1. Again thanks for the responses. @Rose, I thought your first comment was very reasonable, and I agree that humility, compassion, and respect are important in a successful relationship. I don't understand your later comment though. It's not my intent to badmouth my GF, as this is an anonymous forum. I am at a breaking point, and wanted to get people's honest input, particularly if it give me any new approaches that I have not yet tried. And you are right, I am not happy with who I have become.
  2. Wow, thank you for all the feedback. Please be assured, I am not willing to have kids in the current situation. I have told her many times that things don’t get easier with children, so we need to resolve things now before I am willing to proceed. I would not do that to my future kids. It just feels like I am outof runway to try to resolve the issue. I kept the details short and I know I may come off as over-critical or judgmental toward my GF. I’m not perfect and I share the blame in how things have developed. It doesn’t help that she is anxious to begin with, but she is prone to tan
  3. My girlfriend and I plan to get married in a month. We are both 38 and have dated for 4 years. We both desperately want kids. Things have been volatile for a while, so this is not a case of cold feet. We spent 2016-17 dating Long Distance and argued that whole time. (I’d posted about that before). There was enough good in our relationship, so I sacrificed and moved back to her city to work things out. We did 6 months of couples therapy, with limited results. Talking about past arguments in counseling made things worse. She just dug in more and was unable to see things from my point of
  4. The appeal of New York depends on your age and personality. I lived there for 10 years after college, and was ready to get out by year 7. Have fun on your visit, but I can tell you that living in NYC is nothing like visiting. If you choose to move there, it will be a lot of fun for a newcomer because there's so much to explore. As for dating, someone mentioned earlier, there's definitely a quick-hookup culture there. There's so many options, so young people there tend to have a mentality that someone better is always around the corner (or on the next swipe - to be more accurate). Plus
  5. All great points people. I was thinking a lot about how my GF behaves, and just realized that her moods tend to get pretty high and low across the board. Not sure what you call that, or if its all that uncommon. Highly neurotic maybe? That's why things are so great when she's happy. She also gets really sad when there's any family/friend emergencies, and really tense when there's external pressures. I've gladly coached her through all of those episodes, but it's the anger part that I can't deal with. She doesn't manage negative feelings very well, and isn't inclined to self-reflecti
  6. BOo, thought I'd chime in. I'm guilty of "freaking out" when my gf makes plans, so maybe I can offer my perspective from the other side. My core personality is that I like to think carefully before deciding, and I don't like being rushed or pressured. Her personality makes fast decisions and adheres rigidly to plans and structure. It's been a repeated source of conflict, and I often feel like i'm being controlled or pushed into things with no flexibility if the situation changes. Not saying that one person is right or wrong, but it is a source of tension that has caused a lot of problems
  7. It sounds like you should not get too invested before he proves his worth. Maybe he's a good guy, maybe he's not. But don't read too much into texts and social media posts, and don't try to justify or rationalize someone else's actions. It'll drive you crazy. Keep at your studies, and keep surrounding yourself with good people who are worth your effort.
  8. To be fair, I've focused on the core aspect that holds me back from a greater commitment. I don't mean to make her sound like a terrible person. The blow up fights have been when the relationship is on the line, so I understand why she gets furious. But her unwillingness to own up to responsibility troubles me. I've explicitly told her that there hasn't been any single incident that justifies breaking up (i.e. no breach of trust), but the small aggressions accrued over time have worn me out. My feeling is that if she gets bent out of shape when a waiter gets an order wrong, or when her fr
  9. I'm very sorry to hear about your sudden breakup after 9 years. It takes a lot of courage to pick up and get to a place where you feel ready to date again - you should be very proud of yourself for that. It can be hard when friends and family remind you of things you are painfully aware of. Is a family and children in your future plans? I will say please don't worry about dating at 37. I'm only a year behind you, and many of my friends are single, enjoying themselves, and meeting quality people out there. The places you might look are different at our age, and it can be daunting if you
  10. glitter, thanks for sharing. it's clear that age doesn't necessarily correspond to experience. happy to hear that you've found a more stable and fulfilling partner. indea, thank you for dropping a note, and yes, i'm very aware of her point of view. we've gotten to the edge of breaking it off before, but neither of us could go through with it. i'm sorry you're dealing with fertility issues of your own. it must a very difficult and frustrating situation and i wish you the best.
  11. reinvent and melancholy, thank you for your insights. I totally agree that behavior doesn't get better after marriage, which is why i'm treading with both eyes open. I've tried to explain my reasoning to her, but she doesn't seem to acknowledge that her behavior plays a role in it. Her fallback response is that I'm too idealistic, indecisive, and inconsiderate to her needs. I've been seeing a therapist myself to help sort out my thoughts. We also went to a one-day couples premarital seminar last November. I felt it was a good place to start addressing these issues. She treated it as
  12. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 ½ years (long distance for the last 18 months). We are both 36 and we both want family and kids. She has been hinting/asking/demanding marriage. We love each other and have great times together, but I have a nagging feeling that won't go away. She has two sides to her personality. One is fun and caring, the other is high-strung and an extremely Type A career woman. She is impatient and easily upset when she doesn't get her way. At first, I let things slide by blaming it on stress from her high-pressure job. But it felt like every small disag
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