My Ex-Gf is Very Unstable (or so i think).

[Baha]

Ok I don't Know if this should go on the Getting back together forum, or the relationship conflicts, i have no idea.

Anyway. I'm from Venezuela, South America. I'm 25 years old (26 next week) and my ex-gf is 22. We have been seeing each other for 5 months and we were a serious couple for 4 months. Until yesterday

 

I'm really hurt and feel decieved.

 

I'll start from the beginning but i'll try to keep it short.

I met this girl, and I FELL for her, which is something that i never do. From the start everything was wonderful, she was great, her family and friends loved me, she loved me, our relationship was fantastic (still is -i'll explain later), sex was Unbelievable and so on, everything you can find in a relationship so you easily fall in love for years.

 

But there is a catch, the girl, she's been hurt badly in the past (or so she says) and she was afraid at the beginning, but i thought this was normal. She kept repeating how she really liked me but didn't really want anything serious because she was afraid. But she kept falling for me and I for her, so we decided to go for it and we became a couple and everything was fine.

 

Except every 2 weeks or so, she breaks up with me. Either because of a fight, or in the last case, because of no reason just because she wants to be alone.

One time about a month ago I broke up with her, I wanted to make her react, i wanted her to value me. Why? because whenever we had a fight or whatever, she just went distant from me. I happen to believe that it was every time she was getting closer to me, when she started to feel more and more in love she backed off and broke it off with me, telling me she wanted to be alone or just didn't want a boyfriend

 

Anyway, After a small break of 4 days or so, we talked and decided to start over, and it was AMAZING.

It was seriously the best time in our relationship, she did beautiful things for me (gifts, drawings), dinners, etc. During all this, i wasn't really sure if we should get back together because i didn't want to get hurt, so I kept telling her to go slow blah blah you know. One night I asked her if this was going anywhere and that night she asked me to get back together (that was like 9 days ago).

 

We spend a wonderful time, better than ever, she told me she had learned how to care for me and be more into me, and she even told me she loved me and that she was deeply in love with me!. I felt like I was on top of the world, I told her i felt the same and I was so happy.

 

But then 2 days ago she just became distant and yesterday I tried talking to her and what i got was that She wants to be alone. There is no other guy, there's never been another guy, just INSANITY. She keeps telling me she loves me and that she's in love with me but wants to be alone. I keep asking her to tell me that she doesn't love me so I can get over her but she won't tell me that.

 

I feel cheated, i feel hurt. She led me to believe this time was going to be different, she did things she's never done. I feel like she toyed with my emotions and I can't feel anything but hurt. I so just want to hurt her, i want to make her jealous I want her to see that she lost a great guy.

Why would she do that to me? She kept telling me that she felt that she wanted to be alone, that she didn't know the reason, that maybe she needed help.

She even told me that she wouldn't like it if someone did that to her.

 

It's really hard to break this off, i've never been in this situation before. I keep hanging to the hope that she's going to change and that she will value me and respect me. I don't want to treat her like crap, but maybe that's what she needs.

 

Right now we are separated but we are still in some sort of contact, in a very malicious Machiavellian way, i convinced her to stay as friends with benefits, because she feels she can take anything and I just don't think she will be able to handle seeing me with other girls. I have no idea if we'll actually see each other again because I, right now, have no desire to have sex with her or make her happy.

 

I have to point out that I am very loyal and very trustworthy. Maybe I shouldn't be

I don't know if any of that made any sense, but I need advice

 

Thanks

[Baha]

I don't even know what I want anymore. I would like her to change and love me and value me, but I would also like to forget about her and move on.

 

She's texted me today, silly things because she's trying to get me to talk to her. It's her way of trying to get back together. But I haven't fallen for it.

Why would she break up with me and then keep me in this turmoil?.

 

The only thing i know for sure right now, is that I don't believe her anymore. I don't trust her. And if she ever wants to get back together, She'll have to move mountains in order for me to believe and trust her again. I happen to believe that a girl that loves a man, doesn't do things that hurt him. And she hurt me badly.

 

On a side note: I have to admit in HEAD OVER HILLS for this girl. In a very short time I went crazy for her and felt amazing things. I just love her for no apparent reason, and when we are together and we're in our "good days" its AMAZING seriously amazing...

 

But she's very unstable and I need more stability in my life because I'm a very stable person.

But I love her, and I keep believing she's going to change. That IS what makes it so hard

[HeyPig]

Their could be a number of reasons for why she is doing this to you; for example she maybe just using this "breaking up" every now and then as a means of control or maybe your right and she's afraid of being in a serious relationship or maybe she doesn't know herself, whatever the reasons are that doesn't excuse the way she has treated you. All that matters really is the fact that she's doing this and she's hurting you in the process so what you have to ask yourself is why should you put up with it? If being in a relationship is too much for her then don't let it become your problem, you don't need that in your life and if she really does want to be with you she needs to stop this and get on with life. It's not worth being in a relationship that has only existed for a matter of months and already you've broken up countless times. Hope I haven't come accross as harsh or anything this is just the way I see it, maybe someone else can shed light on it though.

[Baha]

I agree with you. We haven't broken up countless of time but more times than we should have, all because of her instability or that she gives up too fast.

I don't have to put up with it! I completely agree with you! She has to change. I love her and I would like her to change because I happen to believe she's worth it.

 

Maybe she does the things she does as a way to control me, or get more attention from me, or test me. I have no idea. But it's not worth it because she's hurting me.

The thing is, do I forget about her or do I forgive her over and over again? Do I play hard to get? Do I get back (who know when) with her in hopes that she would change?.

 

It's easy to say that I want out of this, but it's not so easy to do. I have it in my nature to never give up...

[HeyPig]

What I would do is have a sit down with her and talk about whether she actually wants to be with you, if yes then tell her if she does it again then you won't be taking her back and the relationship is definitely over if she says she doesn't want to be with you then walk away with your dignity and go no contact to heal yourself and get over it. Whichever way it goes though you have to stick with what you say otherwise nothing you do will ever be taken seriously and this kind of thing will just carry on.

[rdefoort]

this sounds too familiar lol are there really two grils out there this messed up

[Baha]

I like your advice.

The only problem right now is my confused/mixed feelings.

I really would like to be with her, but I don't trust her and I don't believe a word she says anymore, so everything is just going downhill. But i still feel sick, miss her and want her, even tho i'm mad, upset, disappointed and angry.

 

If I talk to her and ask her if she wants all or nothing, i might get an answer. That might work for some closure. Or I might just leave her alone right now, she told me she wanted to be alone, so I could just walk away and disappear. I have no idea how to do that cause she keeps trying to contact me, in her own twisted ways...

[Baha]

ok Right now I have an incredible urge to talk to her, God this is so hard. I dnt even know what i would accomplish by texting her but I still want to

[Baha]

Ok I talked to her. We decided to stay appart, she wants to be alone but still says she loves me.

I have no idea why she would do this, but it's an idea she's had in her head for a long long time. And the only way that idea is going to go away, is by just being alone.

She tells me (she might be lying) that she has no intention of going out with anyone else because she wants some "me" time, and if she ever feels like it she will call me and go out with me(i wonder if i will still be available)

 

I guess I will just let her be, it's her decision and I only hope she regrets it and sees she made a mistake and I HOPE that this happens when it's too late and it'll be her turn to suffer. The only way we will move along, or get over this is just by letting things be.

 

I have a tendency to suffer a lot but get over things pretty fast.

 

Should I go No-contact or should I just keep her in my BB pin/twitter whatever?.

[Baha]

Ok I have to write an entry update.

 

My ex writes me at least once a day, with an excuse or something she wants to ask.

We've seen each other again, but I don't trust her anymore. I have strong feelings for her so my confidence on her is gone.

 

She's kind of weird I guess... She told me she was heart broken and depressed, but she's afraid to be in love. She says she "doesn't want to go crazy and lose her mind" like she has done in the past.

 

This girl really wants her cake and eat it too...

 

Anyway my perspective has changed, I don't trust her anymore (for several different reasons) and I honestly don't want to be with her right now, unless she changes, unless she decides to be 100% with me. Either way, I can still talk to her but maybe in a few days I will be on the market looking for a new girl.

 

I don't have to be begging for love to anyone. There are plenty of people out there that will value me and love me. I wish it was her, but that can't happen... yet.

 

I guess when somebody is afraid or when someone has a very strong mind and a strong idea in their mind, it doesn't matter the results, they become hard headed and won't give up the idea in their mind until they actually screwed things up and then it might be too late

[euphoria24]

Baha,

I can tell your torn up inside....if she says she wants to be alone THAT does not mean she also does not want to be with you at the same time. DO You want her attention 24/7 ? What exactly do you mean when you say you want her to be 100 % with you ? Have you told her that you love her too? Have you validated her feelings for you so she can have a sense of peace in her mind about this relationship ?

[Baha]

Finally thanks for a reply

 

I don't need her attention 24/7. i'm actually usually the kind of boyfriend that gives a lot of room and space.

When i say I want her 100% with me, I mean that I need security, i need stability. I need to know that she's my gf even if we don't see each other for 3 days. I wonder why i need that kind of security... could be an insecurity of mine?.

 

She told me she wants to be alone but she loves me and she wants to be with me.

I guess she finally admitted that she's afraid, that she doesn't want to lose her mind, she said to me "I don't want to go crazy in love like you are!!"

 

I have validated my feelings lots of times, I love her and I have told her that, I told her I don't want to hurt her and that i'm not like other guys

Having said all of that, she lied to me on a few things during our relationship so right now I don't trust her.

 

If we ever try to get back together, she's going to have to win my trust back.

[Shake Spear]

I am by no means any expert, but she might be bi-polar. There are so many people suffering from some sort of mental illness or emotional trauma that dont do anyting about it, either becaue they are embarrased or they dont want to admitt it.

 

This might be the last thing you want to do, but you must ask her to get professional help. She might hate you for it, but its not only the best, but also the right thing to do. These kind of issues dont just disapear by themselves. If they are taken care of when you are young, then you can lead a happy and fulfilling life, but ignoring them only makes it worse

[Baha]

Maybe she might be bi-polar or just a huge coward...

or a liar

 

Who knows. Yesterday it was my birthday and she went there, was jealous because I wasn't paying attention to her and spend the whole night trying to get my attention.

This story just gets weirder and more complicated...

[euphoria24]

I had a diagnoses of bi-polar purely based on what I said that someone else said about me. Poor, poor mental health pracitce. I ended up taking all of the following:

 

trilathon

sonogram

xanax

colonopin

zyprexa

lithium

abilify

lamictal

zoloft

ambien

trazedone

 

 

I started chuncking medications in the spring, at this point:

elevil - dumpster

 

Please dont tell her she is bi-polar, she just maybe nervous or shy.

 

I am officially medication free except for the occasional advil for the occasional hangover which has always been my favorite cure for anything! With the zyprexas I was not able to take advil and with ambien I was not able to Drink! Lol. ON July 4th I finally had a bottle of wine after 3 years and passed out asleep like a baby ! x

: )