girl admits to another guy she likes him and its mutual too far?

[radiohead20]

Question here

 

 

in what situation is it ok for a girl to admit to a mutual crush that shes likes him and still hang out with him?

 

I am on a break with a girl I love to figure stuff out (it was mutual) and we both admit we can see ourselves with each other forever and we love each other. I have caused her ALOT of hurt in the beginning of our relationship which has caused trust issues but she has stuck by me. We both agreed to find time to talk occassionaly but limit communication

 

She is abroad studying...before she left she asked me that even if I was broken up if I was going to do anything and I said "I promise I wont"....she then said "I wont either I promise". She also told me how she cant even look anyone else because she is in love with me and that she probably wont have an interest in anyone abroad.

 

When she got there she called me pretty consistnely and we skyed one or two times, however I started berating her because she would cop out on skype outings with me because she out partying and enjoying the city. I told her it hurt me because I feel like she can find time for me if she chooses and I then I told her I just could not talk to her as much and I wanted more distance if she couldnt find time to talk to me. that really confused and hurt her and she said she distanced herself more from me. A few days later I found out she had been hanging out with a guy friend in her group and they both admitted they have mutual crushes on each other. I immedieatly exploded and told her "how can you possibly tell me you love me and cross a line like that?!". She would text me she loves me every day and call me when she can while hanging out with this guy. I told her it hurt me that she did this, even though we were on her break. I then asked her if our promise to each other still stands...and she said I dont intend to do anything but if it does happen I willl tell you. I asked why she is hanging out with them and that it hurts me and she said "its because you keep hurting me, I dont know what you want...I didnt plan on liking anyone here but it just kinda happened..you know how those things go...it doesnt mean I am going to act on it though, I wont do anything to jepeordize our future" I told her she was full of crap and she needed to sever ties with this guy and she refused saying that they are just friends and she wont do anything.

 

Is she in line? Do I have the right to yell at her?

 

And what do I do now? She says the more I yell at her the more is pushes her away and that now she needs space, even though she says I still love you and I mean it when I say I could be with you forever.

 

I called her up, apologized for yelling at her, and told her that she is right, I broke up with her to figure my stuff out and even if there is an intention of getting back together and we love each other I can't hold it against her for doing what she is doing, I cant tell her what to do if we are not officially dating. I said that I agree we do need space and let her go and do not intend to contact her until she contacts me. I am just nervous - I know where these paths lead and I feel like their is a possibility she will cheat, and you she either not tell me or rationalize it out.

[RFB]

Theres no such thing as a break. It's a breakup. And promises like those you made are pretty meaningless. So you are both essentially free agents. When people go away to school, the old boyfriend or girlfriend usually ends up being discarded as they experience other people. Go on with your life as if she isn't coming back and if you reconnect in the future, great, and if not that will be OK too.

[ainia03]

if you already broke up with her, it's not really called cheating isn't it?

[MarkD]

You definitely don't have the "right" to yell at her. This is a really difficult situation to be in... The part I don't understand is if you both love eachother and want a future together, then why the "break"? If you have some "issues" you need to work out, then that is exactly what you should be doing (as a couple). If not, unfortunately this relationship with her friend may turn into something more. Honestly, even as a couple, there are NO guarantee our partners won't find someone else attractive. That is somewhat normal, but if they act on it...It's just not meant to be.

[ainia03]

I also made this promise to a guy that I would wait and give each other some time. Come to think of it, we're both single. Stick to your gut feeling. If you feel as though you just need time and you're certain you love each other then just give each other some time and space. If your gut tells you that relationship other wise, then it's time to let go. Whatever happens happens.

[BrianH46]

Been following your posts for a while now and I don't really understand whats going on in your head. What are you trying to figure out? The very first post you made it seems as if she wanted nothing to do with you after you got your ex pregnant and you kept saying how you wanted her back. As soon as she agreed you told her you needed time to figure things out. Your last post you refer to her as your gf and now this post.

 

If you want to figure things out, cut contact. Avoid drama man, life isn't as complex as everyone makes it out to be, it is shaped by simple decisions.

[greywolf]

What are you trying to get out of this, OP? Because when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you don't go on an indefinite 'break' with that person. You can't hold someone at a distance and expect them to always be there for you. It doesn't work that way.