loveculture Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Boyfriend of 4 months wants to take me home to his state with him to meet family and friends and see the place. Now, due to some good things happening for him, he wants to go sooner since he can't go later. So, we will be going first week of August. He originally said that he would pay for my plane ticket and he is working hard to pay for it....we even got into an argument where he tried to make me understand he is trying to save money to buy our plane tickets and lectured me on how he has to work every chance he can. Plane tickets are around 350 each. Anyway, now he asked me if I would pay for my ticket and once we got to his home I wouldn't have to pay for anything else....which I assume wouldn't be a lot of money anyway since it's not like we are going to be staying at hotels, etc. Today he even said that he will go ahead and buy the tickets online and I can just give him the money to pay him back. I don't know why but this is bothering me. He always kept saying how he would pay for my ticket. Now, him telling me to give him the money just feels so strange and less romantic. Kind of like I'm dealing with a broker and not my boyfriend. Also, if he has the money to buy the tickets in the first place, why is he suddenly asking me to pay? Especially since he has spent money a couple times going out for drinks, etc... It makes me feel less romantic about the situation. I don't like that he said he'd pay and now took it back and is asking me to pay. Not a cool way to go about things. He could have just said it in the first place. Also, silly me is wondering if maybe he is worried that he will buy a ticket and then if we possibly break up or I have to back out for some reason, he may lose that money. He seems a bit tight with his money which really bothers me. I constantly feel bad when he spends even 2 bucks on me and it's starting to grate on me. He's never really said anything to make me feel this way and he isn't terribly stingy with his money or anything. He's sweet. But, it's just a sense I get from small little things he says or does that I pick up on. Now, I'm worried he's insuring himself from losing money by having me pay for my plane ticket. Guess I just needed to get that off my chest and see what others have to say. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 He said he would buy you the ticket because at the time, he was very excited for you to return home with him to meet his family. THAT'S what you should be focusing on more, than you having to pay for the ticket. He offered you the ticket on a whim. Now he has realized that he can't really afford it. You can make a big deal out of it, or you can go meet his family. Meeting the family is a big deal but if you'd rather focus on the money situation than go ahead. Link to comment
poetryandlyrics Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 He probably got really excited, and then reality struck of how much the tickets would cost. 350 each? That's 700 in total. That's a lot. I don't blame him. But of course you would feel like that, you weren't expecting this too, and you were expecting what he first promised. I'd just let it go, take in the knowledge that he got excited without thinking things through. It'd take a while for your feelings to fade, a day tops. And that's okay, feelings are not logically operated. Link to comment
RedDress Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Well... I think he shifted the dynamic a little... Let's be honest! If someone is offering to take you somewhere (that you may or may not be able to afford), then your only consideration is time and desire to go. If he's now asking you to pay, you have additional considerations of time, desire to go and whether that's what you want to spend your $350 on... I agree that it was probably innocent on his part and that he just got excited and made an offer that might have been over-the-top. Maybe a friend or family member made a comment (like... "Really? You are paying her ticket? You shouldn't have to do that...") I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask you to pay. I don't think it's nice that he shifted gears on you (and last minute too - August is soon! How come he had all that time to save but you didn't?) I think it's also perfectly reasonable for you to re-frame it and decide if you want to pay to go on vacation to ___ because your bf would like you to. BUT If you decide that you now don't want to go, you will give the impression that it was about a free trip for you. Which... it kind of was (if that's your decision) Not an easy situation. Have you confronted him on his sudden change of heart and asked him why? Link to comment
FathomFear Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 If the situation were reversed, would you be buying him a plane ticket to see your relatives? Link to comment
markfromark Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Also, silly me is wondering if maybe he is worried that he will buy a ticket and then if we possibly break up or I have to back out for some reason, he may lose that money. He seems a bit tight with his money which really bothers me. ..... But, it's just a sense I get from small little things he says or does that I pick up on. 4 month dating is very short and for some people this is even the end of the infatuation period. You both are now starting to "pick up on the small little things" as you have mentioned. I would just pay for plane ticket and enjoy the trip. Everything else is in the skies ... Link to comment
loveculture Posted June 16, 2012 Author Share Posted June 16, 2012 Thanks. I definitely think he shifted the dynamic. The odd thing is, the day I posted this thread I lost my job!!!! I have no job now and it will be hard for me to get one which my boyfriend pointed out to me. He said it will be hard for me to get one because I can't tell a new job that the first week of August I will be gone for a week. So, because of this Texas trip, I cannot go looking for a job or will have a hard time landing one due to this trip. My boyfriend didn't even offer saying, well hey what do you want to do? Not go anymore? Move the trip to Christmas time or after September, etc...but he didn't. And I haven't said anything because I would like to go with him to Texas and don't want to ruin his excitement to take me by saying I am nervous about how to make up the money I spend on the trip without having a job for now 2 months along with other expenses. But this sucks. Now, he is the one with not just one job, but two jobs. I kind of think now that I lost my job and since he had ORIGINALLY said he was going to pay for my ticket, I think he could have at least offered to pay for half my ticket or something now that I received such bad news and lost my job and he made us have to move the trip from late September to early August because he got cast in a play that starts rehearsals in late August. Also, I do like what you said RedDress about how he had time to save and I didn't because he suddenly switched gears and asked me to pay for myself. If I had known I was going to be paying for myself when we started discussing this 2-3 months ago, I would have taken more days of work to make the extra money for the trip instead of declining many times when my boss asked if I could work certain extra days. This pisses me off that he asked me to pay for myself two months before we are going. We have been discussing this Texas trip since we basically started dating or around March and the whole time he said he was going to save to buy the tickets. ARGHHH. Link to comment
SarahRose Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 has he looked for cheaper tickets? it seems you are having a lot of problems for a relationship so new. why don't you just go for a long weekend sometime. i think i would wait until the end of the year or so to see if you are still together Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.