Boss seeks me out!!! What to do??

[74aries]

I would like to get some opinions on this and maybe some ideas as well....

 

On New years eve my boss gave me a hug and as I turned to walk away he lightly tugged on my jacket and gave me a kiss, no big deal, or at least I thought. I asked him about it and he told me that it was just a new years kiss, ok. Well, we were friends before this and have continued to be but I have noticed that when I am not at my work area he will come and look for me, I noticed a little a few months ago but thought nothing of it, but it has become real obvious to me over the past few months that it happens almost everytime he is my area. He doesn't do it with other co workers and he is very well liked among my co workers, so it's not like he can't talk and joke around with them. BTW, a couple of them are also friends of his, which are female as well. He told me a couple of months before he kissed me that he loved me and of course I asked him how he meant it and he kind of side stepped the question, answering it but not really answering(hope I made sense there). I like him but I don't want other people to start talking(which some of them have, they know he seeks me out). I just want some opinions on if there is more than friendship on his mind and if so how can I go about talking to him about the way he seeks me out, without hurting our friendship or potential relationship?

 

I hope someone can help and give me some advice.

[Prue]

When I first read your post I thought you may have been talking about very much unwanted advances. But it sounds like you're kind of interested. People who get together can meet anywhere. Don't let that fact that it's at work, and that he is your boss, stop you.

 

About him seeking you out at work...I wouldn't be surprised that if you did decide to pursue this, once you got on track and saw a lot of each other outside of work - that could tone down on its own. If not, let things get started up before putting your foot down... and say something about it outside of work rather than there. That way you're keeping all conversations about relationships etc... outside the worplace too.

 

If you feel the need to talk to anyone - don't make it any of your co-workers! Even if they're ones that you're friends with and he's not... aaaah! I've seen that done and become a disaster before - done it myself actually.

 

I don't like the idea of leading a double life... if you start seeing your boss, try to accept that people will know about it. A few who can't mind their own business might not like it either. You might have to accept that one as well.

 

I hope I've helped a little. Good luck.

[ayekasong]

Well, I'm not quite sure about how to approach him, but if you do decide to pursue a relationship with you boss, you might want to start looking for a new job. I'm not saying don't do it, but many companies have strich no-dating policies, and your co-workers might get quite nasty on you.

 

It's pretty clear to me that he has more than friendship on his mind. Good luck with this.

[Prue]

I think anything about "no strings attached" policies must be regional. They'd never be able to enforce such a thing here in Australia. And I know more couples working for the same company than I could possibly count.

[74aries]

I really value our friendship and yes I do have to admit that I am somewhat attracted to him but there is the question of our friendship and the fact that he is my boss. No it is not allowed at my company, as far as management and associates dating.

 

I know I need to do some thinking and evaluate my feelings for him and proceed from that point, but I also am interested in anyone thoughts of his feelings for me. Does he act this way because we are friends and we connect or is there something more on his part. I would like to get opinions before I approach him and discuss where this is leading, if he does have feelings for me. I would feel very uncomfortable if I read his signals wrong and approached him about a possible relationship.

 

If we did start one, then one of use would have to transfer if anyone found out. Again something else to think about.

 

Thanks for the advice and opinions!!

[Prue]

What do you mean by transfer? Just to a different department or something?

[74aries]

Transfer to a different area within the company (city,state or region). It would more than likely have to be him since he is the boss.

[Prue]

Personally - if I really felt like some one might have been the right guy for me, I still wouldn't let the work situation stop me. But I'd be seeing where I stand before changing jobs. I wouldn't like the idea of transferring though... going through is whole thing just so that one of you has to leave and all you get out of it is a long distance relationship. I'd be looking for work elsewhere. (And I know people will disagree with me about this one - but I'm just putting myself in your shoes and saying what I'd do - might not be right).

 

You'll probably have ample time to find out where you stand before making these decisions. I mean surely your company isn't going to transfer one of you over the fact that you've gotten coffee together, had lunch... you're not thinking you might like someone one day and completely attached the next. At some point there'd have to be a discussion between you about where you stand and how to handle the work situation. If there isn't - it's work as usual.

 

No harm in keeping an eye on what other workplaces might have to offer you in your area in the mean time though.