Friendship Gone Bad

[TheOne]

Ok, here's the story:

I met this guy about the beginning of the summer of 2003. We became good friends. He had a great personality, and we always made each other laugh. We hung out for hours at a time every day. We had alot of mutual friends, so alot of time was spent with them as well. I am gay, but he didn't know, as I don't tell anyone. I really liked this guy. A few months later, we were set up with a dare to kiss each other. It was a complete stupid stunt, because all our friends thought we were straight and didn't think anything of it other than a joke. So we kissed and everyone got a kick out of it. It wasn't anything major, but I was enthralled. Life went on and everyone else got over the humor of the situation and forgot about it. The night that happened, I was understandably having some emotional 'issues'. I mean, I just made out with this guy that I was head over heels for. And he was kinda into it. My head was reeling. We went for a drive and talked. I broke down and told him that I was gay, and that I probably shouldn't have gone through with the dare because it wasn't fair to him. He said it was totally cool and he didn't mind at all. The next day, everything was back to normal. We carried on with our friendship and I started liking him even more every day. And he knew it.

 

A little while later, he was having some problems at home, so I told him he could stay with me for a while, as I have my own place. He moved in and things were great for a while. He eventually came out to me and told me he has been bi for a while. This blew my mind totally. Then he told me that he wanted to 'do some stuff'. So we did. It went on for a while, and I was completely enamored. It was never very serious, and he was 'in love' with this other girl (they weren't together), and had been for some time. It was alot of drama, but I didn't really mind much, as I knew that I had him. He kinda liked me, and nothing else mattered. We were really good friends, and that was most important to me.

 

After living here for a few months, things started to get rough. He was being disrespectful to me and my house and started to talk alot of crap behind my back. I confronted him, and being a pathological liar, he denied it. I told him that things had to change, and that I couldn't go on like this. He was being downright mean alot of the time, and taking all the things I had done for him for granted. I don't know what went wrong, as I never did anything mean or wrong to him. I'm a very good friend, and I did alot to help him out. I pretty much supported him for 6 months so he could 'get on his feet'. In retrospect, I see that he was using me. The stuff he did to me was downright wrong, very wrong, but I just kept putting up with it because I didn't want to lose him as a friend, and not just because I liked him. It was mostly because we had been really good friends at one time and I didn't want to lose that. There came a point where I couldn't take his crap anymore, so I kicked him out. He did something so bad that I told him that that I knew everything he had pulled behind my back, and told him that the things he had done and hidden, I knew about. He was upset, but not because he had hurt me. He was upset because he had to call and make up with his mother so she would let him move back in. I When he left, I told him that I was sorry it had gotten to this point and also that I wouldn't be talking crap about him, and I would appreciate the same in return. Well it wasn't 3 days before I started hearing stuff he was saying about me, but we were still on half-decent terms. He would come over now and then, but it was still kind of edgy being around each other. He pulled one last stunt and I told him never to come near my house again. I told him to stay away from me and my friends, and I didn't want anything to do with him because he didn't know how to treat people.

 

That was in March. He's been talking crap and spreading rumors about me around the neighborhood since then. I haven't said or done anything to him in spite, just because I'm trying to be the bigger person. The bad part about this whole situation is that I really really miss him. I only miss the good times and the fun we had. I miss his sense of humor, and I miss all the good things about him. I certainly don't miss all the crap he put me through. I've been thinking a lot about just going over there and patching things up. Not because I still have feelings for him, but because I miss all the good times we had as just friends, and also because I want to be the bigger person and forgive him. I think he would be willing to start over again, and I would make it every clear that he has to treat me better if it's going to work. Am I being foolish here? Should I just cut my losses and move on?

[Shattered_Dreams]

I am sorry to hear of your problem. I have gone through something similar to this, apart from my friend didn't talk crap about me.

 

Firstly, this guy appears to be no friend at all. As i see it, he's just used you. I don't mean to upset you bud, i'm just being honest. Friendship is something pure and something magical. This guy seems to have treated you so wrong. I think you need to question whether it's him you miss, or the way he made you feel???

 

It's always hard to leave loved ones behind, but sometimes you just have to. You'd be doing wrong by you else. So my advise is to cut your loses.

 

Atleast you can be grateful that you even had him in your life, and you can, not forget, but move on from this and learn from it.

 

If missing him becomes severely painful, then by all means give it another go. But if that is what you decide, then please, be careful. He sounds a bit dodgy to me. Just be true to yourself ok? Take care, i wish you luck in whatever you decide to do x x x

[TheOne]

Thanks Shattered for the thoughts. It's good to have a different point of view.

 

Anyone else?