I think I messed up

[Tashikie]

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[JynX]

There's nothing unusual about hanging around your ex. My ex bf for example, is my best friend so it's kinda hard not to hang out with him. Maybe it's the same situation with her. Did you ask?

 

Personally I think you overreacted just a bit. Did you feel like she still had feelings for the guy? If that's the case, I'd agree with your course of actions. But if not...I'm not sure.

 

There really isnt much you can do until you find out what her stand on this is. Sorry I couldnt be more help.

 

JyNx

[Tashikie]

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[guy40az]

I would have told her the same thing. If she really wants to be with you she would respect your wishes and not see him any more.

[Tashikie]

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[antzca2000]

she does have a right to make friends. And i think its great that she told you she still had a little bit of feeling for her ex because she'd straight up lying to you if she said no.

 

You should have reacted cooler because now you're making her feel like next time she has to lie to you to avoid fights.

 

Rise above it, apologize to her and tell her you think its great that shes able to maintain a healthy friendship with her ex, give her no pressure and she'lll appreciate you all the more.

[hockeyboy]

not to sound harsh...and im sorry to say, but usually, once a cheater, always a cheater. you deserve better, you did the right thing.

[Tashikie]

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[antzca2000]

once a cheater, always a cheater? I wouldnt eliminate the possibility but who're you to say that she'll cheat for sure. Theres always that possibility but in this situation, tashikie had no evidence that she cheated and he blamed her for simply being friends with someone.

 

In this situation, Id apologize and id wait until you actually get evidence of her cheating before you lose your trust in her.

[hockeyboy]

im not saying its always true. however, im saying that he has the right to feel uncomfortable about his gf hanging out with an ex bf is shes been known for cheating. maybe he should apologize, but she should also help to make sure he feels completely comfortable. and spending the same amount of time with an ex as the current bf...i see that as a problem, just my opinion.

[Tashikie]

anyone else have any suggestions/comments on the situation i'm in?

[RayKay]

Yeah, but in comes her past. She's cheated with any boyfriend she's ever been with. I mean, I totally trust her cause she has told me that I am different and even promised me while looking into my eyes that she'd never cheat. I asked if she still had feelings for her ex, and she said "a little bit, but they aren't the easiest things to get rid of, but youdon't have to worry." How can that make me not worry?

 

The fact that she has cheated on every boyfriend she has been with worries me...even if she says you can trust her. Do you think she told the other guys that she would cheat on them?

 

I am just going from personal experience - my ex's ex cheated on everyone..convinced him he could trust her, and yup..cheated on him with her "friend only". When they broke up, she cheated on the "friend" too with someone else..and so on. She is now engaged and yup..still cheating. She is always seeking something new, and is convinced every few months she has found the "one". I can't see this engagement getting to marriage. And guess what..big part of the reason my ex is going through these issues and that we are apart is due to the hurt from that.

 

I think you are right to not totally trust this...and while maybe she won't, if that is her pattern, it is very likely she also will, unless she does a lot of growing up. A big sign of whether she might do it again is her take on why she did it. If she can say well, it is because I was young and have grown a lot since then and know how it hurts..maybe she might have changed. If her reasons are because she could, or wanted to, or was not "in love" with her partner, or she was drunk..or any multitude of excuses that seem to lay blame or signal she cannot put work into a relationship, then be wary.

[Scout]

All I can tell you is that if I had a boyfriend who had previously cheated on every one of his girlfriends (and to be honest, I wouldn't go out with someone like that to begin with), and they wanted to spend as much time with their EX as they do with me...I'd be suspicious, and 95% convinced something else was going on.

 

I think you know in your heart the answers to this, but you are so head over heels with this girl you probably don't feel strong enough to make the sensible decisions. I can tell you that very likely, you'll be coming back to this forum when indeed she does cheat on you. Do you really want to go through that pain and humiliation when you have a way to get out now before it happens?

[AlleyCat]

Did she just start spending time with him again, or has this been going on for as long as you've been with her? I think that would make a difference to me. If this just started, I think I would be more concerned.

 

I think trying to force her to choose between you and the ex is not the way to go, but I certainly don't think you're wrong in feeling the way you do about him, especially given the fact that she's cheated before. No, I don't think you should apologize. The fact that she spends as much time with him as with you is also a concern.

 

Are you friends with her ex at all? Maybe the 3 of you (or invite a 4th person) could hang out together more often rather than her spending time with just him? (Of course, if you're not friends with him, that would probably just be too weird....)