I think he's too young...please help?

[Random Stranger]

For a long time, I couldn't find anyone that I was really interested in. Then, I met Ben. At the time, I didn't know his age. In my last post I wrote about Ben...but I neglected to mention his age. I keep trying to convince myself that it doesn't matter...because I really do like him. However, he's a freshman. When I found that out, I was uncomfortable yes, but I figured...Juniors date freshman sometimes, it's not so unheard of. Then it occurred to me that it is usually the OTHER way around, meaning the GIRL is the freshman...not the guy. But I am getting over that too. I mean, I know my grandma is 9 years older than my grandpa, and they have the strongest relationship I have ever seen. But then I found out, not only is he a freshman, but also, he's only fourteen. He won't be 15 until March. I'll be 17 this month. I'm nearly 3 full years older then him. Which would be okay, I suppose, but at this age, three years can be a BIG age gap as far as maturity goes. Now, I'm not looking for someone to be all touchy-feely with. Quite the contrary. I hate to ALWAYS bring this part up on here, but it greatly affects my concerns when it comes to dating...when I was younger, i was taken advantage of by someone far older than me. So the fact that I have FINALLY found someone I care about...and he is YOUNGER than me by so many years...just makes me feel...horrible. But the truth is, he seems to be mature for his age (not neccassarily date-wise, but like i said, that's not what i'm looking for) but as far as understanding things. The most important aspect of a person that I would 'date' is that I can talk to them. That they will perhaps understand me. I've had a pretty rough life, and that greatly affects the person that I am, I don't talk about it all to others much, but it is still a big part of who I am and why I do certain things, act certain ways, etc. It affects how I feel about different things. And I'm not exactly sure if a fourteen-year-old could understand any of that. I want someone who can talk to me on the same level. Not that he neccassarily has to have BEEN through the things I have, but just that he can understand them. When I talk to Ben, we always seem to be on the same page. We like the same music, we enjoy hanging out, he's really sweet and moves very slow, he's not pushy. A lot of guys I know that have liked me I have never dated because of the simple fact that perhaps they COULD understand me, but they never would have cared to try, they only cared about one thing...and I suppose we can all guess what that is. And I'm just not ready for all of that stuff. I prefer more like a very close friend. Someone you can talk to and sit down and watch a stupid movie and laugh and be close, but not have all that akward tension and touchy-feely junk. I keep trying to talk myself out of liking Ben though, because I feel like he's just...too young. But whenever I'm around him I forget the age gap, he doesn't act likes he's 3 years younger than me. And him being the first person I have ever felt comfortable getting close with...I really don't want to let him go. Is he too young?

[antzca2000]

k well..... If you like him go for it. but be prepared to get some discrimination from the rest of the school.

 

Personally i dunt think its a bright idea, anyways how long have you known ben? Because in from what I've seen.... All people under the age of fifteen are stupid in some way. I dunno this guy so it may not be fair, but I dunt believe that anyone can be absolutely wondeerful without a drawback.

[Mermaid]

Unfortunately, at that stage of life, there's a huge difference between 14 and 17, especially when it's the male who is younger. In addition, as of your 18th birthday, his parents could potentially forbid you from seeing him.

 

But, it's not completely without hope. How mature is he? How mature are you? How will your friends handle it, and will it matter of they tease you?

[Random Stranger]

In reply to both comments:

 

I met Ben last year. Although I didn't really get to actually spend some time with him until this summer. He goofs around on occasion, but it just lightens things up, it's not overly immature and annoying like some people can get. He knows when to just be quiet and sit with me. I had to be arbor girl for homecoming and he came to watch, without me asking, and he knew I wasn't looking forward to it, so he was there when I had to do it and just kind of made fun of it with me, but then when it came time for the dance he had bought me a white rose. He doesn't constantly follow me around either, he gives me time to just hang out with my friends and it seems like he always knows the right time to come over and talk with me. I didn't find out he was only fourteen until the dance. And when it was brought up, he instantly looked over at me...and I could tell he was worried that would bother me. We just kind of looked at eachother and I decided to just shrug it off for the night. I didn't think it was fair to all of the sudden just shut him out. I know at his age I was pretty mature (due to situations that cause one to grow up a little quicker than some), and I just want to give him a chance to prove himself before I just nix him from my mind.

 

As to how will my friends handle it:

One of my friend's is actually dating a friend of Ben's who is also a freshman, and my friend is a junior. She is the one who encouraged me to actually consider Ben...even though I do not date...and the idea of dating a freshman just...didn't sound appealing. But he's been 100% sweeter than any junior who has tried to get my attention, and actually? far more mature about it. I've had a lot of guys in my class ask me out, and all of them have been really immature about it. Taking things way too fast, and obsessing. I tend to attract the obsessive guys...which is just...blah. But Ben gives me space, and then he's there when I need him. And we're just, friends more than anything. And I think we could build a really good friendship and eventually date.

 

As far as legal goes, and criticism by others:

That's going to be the hardest part. Because honestly, after what happened to me, I very much do not want to be seen as someone like that. At all. On the other hand, I have absolutely NO intention of doing anything "illegal" with Ben. Heck, I've never even kissed a guy. I'm just not into all of that. And my mother is very strict, it's not like we would be out partying and hanging out all hours of the night. In fact, due to money issues, I can't even drive, so it's not like we'd be cruisin the town together either. Aslo, I don't think his parents will have too much of a problem with it. Their only other children are actually 21 and 30 and his mother is 50 years old, and i'm fairly certain her husband is a few years younger. Also, I have no 'record' of being a bad kid and maintain a place as one of the top ten in my class. So I'm not some harcore bad kid either. However, if his parents DO have a problem with it, I know I will have to break it off. Because I would not be able to handle that. In the end though, I think Ben and I will always be friends. Which is the most important thing to me. I honestly don't even know what to think a 'relationship' would be like between us. Other than the fact that we would simply just not date other people.

 

Anyway, this is long enough to be a whole 'nother entry. Thank you for your comments. And I hope that cleared some things up on where I stand? Sorry it's so long, thanks again.