Iori_Yagami Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 I've been in love with a girl, who studies at the same university as me, and my feelings grows with each day. It has been for more than a year. However she rejects me very rudely, she tries to avoid any conversation with me and even tries to make me feel like I am worst being she knows. Just for information, once we had to prapare some paper forms for work, that was her duty - she decided to distributed the printouts among our groups student (there are 6 of us). Funny and sadly also, she slowly named everyone except me and gave hime/her the papers. When I was lef last, she asked me whether I need a paper, I replied 'Yes', and she in turn said : "Oh, you need it, but I won't give it to you" just so everyone heard that. It was almost laughable from other people's view, but I think It's her showing her despise towards me. By the way, It is not the first time she acts like that. I am being really friendly to her, always trying to help with studies (I study Software Engineering), but she rejects me all the time. Is it the horrible thing that's called unanswered love, or what? What do I do? Please do not advise me to search for another girl, I not the person who changes his feelings easily. Usually my attraction to a girl lasts at least 2 years even if she is absolutely cold and hostile towards me. I really need some help! Link to comment
paulo ribeiro Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 What I think is if she really didn't care about you she would just ignore you. By doing those funny things she is just showing that she feels some way about you... You just that to try to discover which way is that. Maybe if you start completely ignoring her and start paying attention to how she behaves you can find out! Link to comment
Iori_Yagami Posted October 2, 2004 Author Share Posted October 2, 2004 Yeah, I just thought about that. The thing is this "maybe" statement. How can you tell? Link to comment
Iori_Yagami Posted October 2, 2004 Author Share Posted October 2, 2004 The most important thing is that we've know each other for a year, and still there are only sign of hatred form her. Just imagine I greet her in the morning and she says something like Go away, leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you, etc instead of a simple "Hi" Who's weird me or her? Maybe I'm pay too much attention to her and this really bothers her or she's even afraid of me? Just to make clear, overall she a friendly person and has nice relationships with people which surround her, it's just me who's left aside. Link to comment
bzborow1 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Please do not advise me to search for another girl, I not the person who changes his feelings easily. Usually my attraction to a girl lasts at least 2 years even if she is absolutely cold and hostile towards me. Sorry dude but you gotta face reality and that reality is there is no future between you and her, whether or not you want to keep fantasizing about her is your business however. It sounds to me like you have no respect for YOURSELF here, I mean why would you let someone treat you like that? What gives her the right to think she can treat you like that? Next time she does it why don't you just say, "who do you think you are to treat me like this! I've been nothing but nice to you. You may be able to get away with this behaviour with others but not with me." There are a few things to consider if you think this girl is even worthy of your time. 1. Women aren't attracted to wussies...ie...it's unattracted to see a male who doesn't respect himself enough to stand up for himself. 2. Why would you want someone who treats people with such little respect? Most ppl would say, "hit the road hunny". I just can't stress this enough, just because you think she's hot doesn't give her the license to treat you like garbage, and you won't get anywhere with this girl (should u even care to) by putting up with it. That's my two cents. Bill Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Yagami: If this girl has actually come out and said things like: - Go away. - Leave me alone. - Don't talk to me. Respect her wishes - and your dignity - and simply don't pay her any attention at all. I don't understand how you can "love" someone like this, who will humiliate you in front of your classmates, basically tell you to stay the hell away from her, and be an all-around nasty person. I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but this girl does not like you for some reason. Saying 'hello' to her and continually making efforts to talk to her is only going to make her very angry and probably meaner to you. Just ignore her and realize that she obviously doesn't respect or care for you in any way - give the same treatment back. Never respect someone who doesn't respect you in return. Link to comment
bzborow1 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 It's not about respecting HER wishes, it's about not being around people who won't respect YOU. I would agree he shouldn't be in contact with her in any way, but for different reasons. However i think he mentioned he's in a class group project or something so it'd be hard to avoid this girl. Dr.Phil hit it..."you teach ppl how to treat you" and by not standing up for yourself you're teaching her she can treat you like a lesser being. However this behaviour from her seems unusual I'm wondering if we're missing some bits of the story. Link to comment
TheIrish Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 some girls that are hot usually are jerks or into themselves in some way, i think you are ignoring her, just forget about her.... Link to comment
paulo ribeiro Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Yes, you really should just ignore her overall and see what happens. If then she continues to be mean to you then you should probably talk to her and ask her what's the problem with her! Either way, you don't deserve being treated that way! I still think that there must be something that makes her behave that way towards you. I don't think that any grown up person would behave like that "just because"... Link to comment
drahcir Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Its important to first find out why she is treated you this way. Do you remind her of someone who has hurt her in the past? DOes she have a boyfriend / husband? What makes her mad?? Is there anything you can do to change that?? Sadly you can't make someone love you, no matter how much you love them....sorry.................... Link to comment
Turboz Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Once again please forgive me for not reading the other replies - I tend to only read the original posts + 1/2 replies as reading all replies can sway my judgement of what is sometimes a clear situation. Honest advice: Forget her. I know you said that your attraction usually lasts 2 years but please don't do this to yourself - I've done it to myself time after time and it makes you feel worse. The thing is if this girl liked you there would be very clera signs - She wouldn't leave you with the 'Maybe' impression. Maybe she likes you, Maybe she doesn't BUT Maybe there is no clear sign of attraction - Forget it. My moto now is that unless there is something clearly saying "I like you" then forget it. This might not make you feel better but you will meet someone one day that you really like - I never thought it would happen to me but it has. I swore blind that I would never meet anyone and suddenly out of the blue I find out that someone not only likes me, but has liked me for several months and I never knew. Good luck -Turboz Link to comment
Turboz Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 One other thing I forgot to mention: Don't use the word Love to describe your attraction towards someone that your not involved with. You may think you love that person but the fact is you are not in love WITH them. Being in love WITH someone is a 2 way thing BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE - Not one way. If you start declaring that you are in love with someone that your not even involved with then at some point in your life someone is going to get heavy with a restraining order. Sorry to say it but thats the way it works! Just be careful, don't get to keen and see where your life takes you. The less you get worked up about these things the better it gets. -Turboz Link to comment
Iori_Yagami Posted October 3, 2004 Author Share Posted October 3, 2004 Thanks everyone, especially drahcir, for advice! Just trying to think it over, I realize that the problem is much DEEPER as it is not the first time (actually 4th) I get into such a horrible situation. Sometimes I think of a curse, which stops me from finding mutual feeling and a real soul mate. In fact I've never was successful at finding a g/f, which makes me feel sort of a poor loser... Still I can't figure out HOW could one simply forget something or somebody about who he thinks almost all his time. May be I became kind of obsessed? I truly want to end this situaltion, cause it hurts, but just can't find a way. 2 Turboz: yeah, exact meaning of the word LOVE does not suit my case, but which word suits? Fantazy, madness, attraction? They all sound so artificial to me. 2 drachir: The most painful thing that she really does not want to share any of her thoughts with me for no obvious reason, I sometimes even come to think she might have some kind of prejudice (socially I am far less wealthier than her family), but still she easily communicates with almost all other people from our group. everyone: I might be out for some time, cause I have some problems with access to the net, but when I connect next time, I would definitely discuss further. Link to comment
ECD Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 What do you do? Do you really have to ask? Forget her, and move on. There is no way in hell you will get her. Forgeta bout her all together and enjoy your life. Link to comment
Iori_Yagami Posted October 8, 2004 Author Share Posted October 8, 2004 Is there really a thing in this universe which is impossible to achieve without SOME effort? I have really made up my mind, and will keep on trying, the problem is just the methods, suggest any, please? Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 The most painful thing that she really does not want to share any of her thoughts with me for no obvious reason, I sometimes even come to think she might have some kind of prejudice (socially I am far less wealthier than her family), but still she easily communicates with almost all other people from our group. Hey again Yagami, It's pretty obvious that this girl has something against you, something that you can't quite figure out. Believe me, that sort of thing has happened to me several times in my life, when someone has behaved negatively towards me, and me being completely clueless as to what I did to provoke that behaviour. And likewise, there have been people that I have automatically disliked and can't figure out exactly why either. Sometimes, people just don't mix well together - we send bad vibes to each other and make one another uncomfortable. Happens all the time in life. What kind of sucks here is that you're stuck in a class with her. It would be a lot easier to forget if you didn't have to see her every day. You've mentioned that you're going to "keep trying". It's so obvious to me and everyone else here that she's not interested - even to yourself - so what are you trying to prove? I think if you keep pushing her into conversation and trying to get her to like you, she's eventually going to get really angry with you. She doesn't want you talking to her - so why do it? She probably likes the attention she's getting from you, and it seems to make her feel more powerful and attractive that you're giving it to her. Then she treats you like crap. Why? Because you let her, and because she likes it. She doesn't sound like a very nice girl at all. All I can say, is that whenever I've actually liked a guy, I won't put him down or embarrass him in front of other people. I won't tell him to leave me alone. If you're so hell-bent on trying, give this a go first and foremostly: Get her alone, and ask her what her problem is (nicely). Say something like, "you seem to have some kind of problem with me, which I don't really get, and since we have to see each other all the time, it would be great if we could find some way to get along ..". If you can find out why she doesn't like you, it could be a way of moving past it. Sometimes people dislike us because of something we've done, even if it was so small that we didn't even notice it (like a rude comment that we intend as a joke, or something annoying we do, etc.). Try to find out what she's got up her butt. There's obviously something! Link to comment
Iori_Yagami Posted October 8, 2004 Author Share Posted October 8, 2004 I agree, no doubt -you're completely right. I think it is better for us both to stay away from each other, despite it may be painful at the first time. Yes, you're really right, can't add anything here... There is just one thing - this topic grows extremely wide - I have always had relationships like this since my childhood - is something really wrong with my character? Am I too weak person? Am I too mild? Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 I have always had relationships like this since my childhood - is something really wrong with my character? Am I too weak person? Am I too mild? I don't think anyone here knows you well enough to label your character as "too mild" or "too weak". That is, however, something that you yourself might be able to determine through close trusted friends. True friends will tell you things like that. We don't have enough to go on, unfortunately. It does appear that you might have some problems standing up for yourself. How do you feel when someone puts you down in public? Does it make you feel small and insignificant? What I'm wondering is why you don't speak up - and defend yourself when this girl embarrasses you in front of your peers. Even if it was only to say, "hey, relax!". Anything to defend yourself. Why don't you say something? Link to comment
Iori_Yagami Posted October 9, 2004 Author Share Posted October 9, 2004 Well, you know, I experience such problems ONLY when with a girl I like very much (don't want to use the word 'love') and she rejects me. In ALL other cases I am really proud and maybe even ambitious. I mean with friends, enemies, elder people, younger ones, just about everyone. I surely respect myself, I can insist and explain my thoughts clearly enough almost all the time... So, you get the idea - it is only lack of confidence in relationships with women. Who knows, why's that? P.S. Thanks for your replies. I admit that ladies are generally better at analyzing anything which concerns feeling, and are more constructive than destructive about this. Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 Well, you could just be a hopeless romantic. However, there may be other causes for your problem. Take a good look at your mother and how she and your father interacted when you were growing up. Was she a nag? Did you always find that she was complaining about something, or putting your father down, and he took it without saying much? The way you grew up - and especially how your parents interacted - can really help to explain how and why you are the way you are with women today. Like for example, my mom was very assertive with my father. She could be very loud and demanding with him, and in most cases, he would just do whatever she said and not say anything about it. Because of that, I used to treat my boyfriends like that at times because it was behaviour that I became very comfortable around. I got used to it. That didn't last though, since you simply can't just treat people any way you want and still expect them to stick by you! Link to comment
lokuste Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 my parents fight a lot, my mom's very dominant and my dad's like a shellfish. he has no spine. he's also an alcoholic. i never knew better then men getting kicked around by women so i never really defended myself when i was picked on by girls in school. they'd make fun of me in public they'd draw on my clothes with magic markers, stab me with pens... right now i'm 24 and women scare the living jesus out of me. sometimes i fantasize about finishing them all off. no hostility intended to the women on this board, it's just how i feel sometimes Link to comment
Iori_Yagami Posted October 31, 2004 Author Share Posted October 31, 2004 Your story resembles my own... Oh, that is true... How really painful can thruth be... I am not going to end up like my father - being the most speechless and abandoned and unhappy in our family. He was also quite nervous and angry sometimes, but mother was the one at the head of the family. Maybe I'm just copying my father's fate (in a way I can't describe - it happens automatically, as if somthing controls me) Well, that is too much. I have decided not to attract to any girl just to stop them from hurting me over and over again. I know, it seems cowardish, but that's the best thing I can do. Link to comment
Iori_Yagami Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 *sigh* You would not believe me, but the feeling is still there. (the title of this thread seems silly now) We live in different cities, she doesn't even hear about me. She g?t married, as I heard. I just couldn't feel anything similar to any other girl at all. Why? Why is this happening to me?:sad: I think I'll post some lyrics from (awesome) Culture Beat: Can't get you out of my head I try thoughts of you I just cannot defy we must of had something real strong I'm tossing turning all night long can't eve enjoy a fantasy without your face jumping in a scene can't escape your grip cause you clutch my mind wanna dream of other girls but you I find thought getting you out of my heart was hard but now I see that was just the star your legacy is trying to drive me mad to forget I concentrate on all the bad can't shake this monkey off my back tried drinking everything from beer to jack no answers in all the books I've read all I know is I've got the get you out of my head Link to comment
SugarSkull Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 This seems like a tough situation and it could go both ways. Either she actually likes you and has a very weird way of showing it. Some girls are like this and use hatred as a way to flirt. Or, she just really doesn't like you. If she doesn't change the way she is expressing herself, I feel you will never actually know how she feels. I think the only way you can figure it out is for you to change how you act towards her. Maybe try not and pay as much attention to her, or try and act uninterested in her. Try and gauge her reaction from this. If it seems she is upset by you ignoring her...then there's you answer. If she seems happier...then she probably doesn't like you. If she notices you are ignoring her, and then goes out of her way to talk to you...she likes you. Link to comment
Iori_Yagami Posted May 11, 2011 Author Share Posted May 11, 2011 Well, that's probably right, but too irrelevant now. Seems like you didn't read most of the posts, did you... after all, it is like almost 7 years between first and last post. Link to comment
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