You think she is just using me ???

[guy40az]

Well I have talk to my x again and if you have read any of my last post you all know what is going on but if you don't a short run down and I promise the readers digest version.

 

My x cheated on me for 8 months then I caught her (her and him on video tape back in may) I confronter her about a month later I was trying to give her every opportunity to come clean and tell me then on day ( it was a Saturday) (I told her to tell me what was going on so we could get to counseling and try to work it out.) or I was going to take off my wedding ring and when I did it would be over for ever well she didn't tell me so I took it off and I told her I was going to file for divorce on Monday. I did file and then in august she moved in whit him.

 

Well 2 weeks ago this Sunday she called me and ask if I would consider going to counseling and I told her we needed to sit down and talk about that so on weds day we did and it basically turned out bad. So Saturday last week her and him broke up and she sent the kids to my place and she moved in with her parents for a week to try to think things out.

 

So the last couple of nights we have been talking a lot then she kissed me and told me she loved me but wasn't sure what she wanted to do. So tonight I told her I wasn't going to just wait till she could decide if she wanted to be with me or him, that I was going to live my life and not have her keep dragging me back into the relationship so I could go through the pain again.

 

I told her I felt she was using me as her backup plan and if it didn't work out with him she could come running back to me. So I told her I was going to just move on. She got really upset and cried for an hr or so.

 

I was just wondering if anyone has any comments on this.

 

Do you think I am right in thinking she is just trying to keep me available so if she cant work things out with him she can come back to me.

 

Again sorry for the length of this post I just needed to vent AGAIN!!!

[bzborow1]

Well it's really hard in some respects for us to tell because we don't know you guys, but from your post it sounds like she came back to you after her fling with this new guy didn't work out. Going further it looks like she preferred the excitement of going behind someone's back, and when it came to be the "real thing" (relationship) it went nowhere...so now she's back after you.

 

My personal belief is that if they'll cheat once, they'll do it again. Most cheaters also do it because they have it in their head a reason for doing it. So what's going to happen the next time you hit a slow spot in your relationship?? It's tough with the kids and everything, but in a way isn't it better for the kids if you are on your own, but in control and happy?

 

That's my two cents.

 

Bill

[geo_jane]

Kudos to you for holding your ground. If she has a problem with commitment then she has to work that out for herself you have children to raise and a life to live.

[Mun]

Hello there,

You know it is really hard telling you what I think you should do because it is your life and only you know what you truly want.

 

On the one hand I want to tell you that if you think she is honest about working this out and going to counseling then you should give it a try. On the other I want to say that she has cheated on you and she did so for a long time, can you be sure that she will not do it again? Like you said you do not want to go through this pain again.

 

I would wonder if she cried for an hour because she lost. She lost her marriage, she lost the other guy. She made poor choices and they came back to her.

 

Think about yourself for now. How do you want to live the rest of your life? Could you honestly take her back and start over? Do you think you would be happier by yourself or with someone new down the road?

 

Ultimately, I think that you have behaved in a dignified manner. Your actions show that you have respect for yourself and expect the same from others. I have a feeling you are going to be just fine .

 

PS. Vent all you want...I think it helps us to sort out our thoughts.