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[strawberrygirl]

Anyone out there read this book yet (it's written for gals, but i think guys get something out of it too)? It's a great slap into reality (and a fun read too). Seriously, what are we doing? Conspiring on how to get back the one we love? Debating about NC and limited NC and blah blah, just to get that ONE back. That one that has hurt us so deeply, rejected us, turned us away. And yes, there are many valid reasons. But....

 

But in the end, the bottom line is if we were as important to them as they are to us, we would still be together. Because we are WORTH it, and the risk of the loss of us would be too great. Yes? So really what is the bottom line? That "they are just not that into you", really is the bottom line.

 

And you know what else? That is their loss. Because you are wonderful, and worthwhile, and special. Believe that and embrace it. And smile because someone else will know that too one day. Perhaps your ex will realize this and perhaps they won't be too late. But don't wait. Move forward and embrace life and always always remind yourself that YOU ARE WORTH THE WHOLE BALL OF WAX MY FRIENDS! Do not short change yourselves.

 

It took me so long to get this straight because I like you have suffered great loss and have tried it all to work things out (space, no space. being friends, not being friends, etc.). I finally realized that nothing I do will change things. Nothing I do in regards to trying to get back the one I love. What DOES work is my work on myself, my integrity, and my esteem. Which I have regained. And it feels good. Do I still love him with all my heart? Do I want him back. Sure. Of course. But I can't make him want me back. Only he can realize or not, and only on his own (and yes patience is a virtue, but it works. seems like as soon as I started feeling good, he started nosing around). But I also love me, and if he's just not that into me, well later then. I think that at the end of it all, what is meant to be will be. Meanwhile, don't settle for less than you deserve because you deserve the WORLD. So go out and have some fun, and remember what an amazing person you are! The rest will fall into place...

[sisterlynch]

I think it may work for some people, but in a way it is kind of cruel. Plus, it is written by the writers of Sex In the City, which is a little too much for me at times.

 

It kind of reminds me of Maxim too, how to dump so and so. If you need to read a book to figure out that your relationship is hopeless, I must wonder where the social relevancy is in that idea.

 

The guy who wrote it is so unattractive too, I can hardly stand to think about him being the dumper!!

[Mermaid]

I saw this on Oprah. I don't think most of these women really need the book to tell them that their relationships are over; I think they need it to make them acknowledge and accept that fact.

 

Sometimes people know something, deep down, but until it's laid out before them (as in a book) they don't know exactly what it is they're feeling or why, or even if they're really feeling it.

[mtastic]

I haven't read the book, but I saw the guy on Oprah a few weeks ago. I must admit i was a little skeptical of this guy, not just becasue he worked for Sex in the City, but because i recognized him from Comedy Central, and figured why would anyone want realtionship advice from a stand up comic (and not a particularyl funny one at that). But I must say i think he raised some god points, about realizing you self worth, basically the stuff Sadheart mentioned, I don't want to repeat it all.

 

I do think it was at times a little too selfish, as it didn't really seem to take the partner's situation into account, but overall it seems to me like its better advice for recovering from a relationship than advice for handling one you're in, as when you';re in a relationship you ought not be as selfish with regards to your partner. To add to what sisterlynch said: if you need a book to tell you your partner doesn't like you, you need alot more than a book.

 

I disagree with sisterlynch about it being like a Maxim or FHM article on how to dump, but I see where she's coming from, it is in a similar vane to some of the articles. Personally I can't stand those type of magazines.

 

Thats just my opinion on the subject, thought you might want a guy's point of view.

mtastic

[strawberrygirl]

I think the main point (which is what hit home for me) is that we deserve the very best, and not to settle for any less then that. I think especially for us women, we tend to find excuses for why the man is not ready or doesn't want us, and we sacrifice our own needs.

 

Yes the book was written by a comedian and sex in the city writer but so what?? It's a real males perspective on what may really be going on in their heads. What their words mean, yet what their actions mean. I think for some of us, it's a viable reality check. And I found him quite complementary to women.

 

Also, I think the other thing it did to me was to push me to really focus on ME and take care of ME. Rather then the ex. I think that really is the key for recovery. The by product could well be that the ex realizes what he's lost. In the end it's a win win. Because regardless of whether or not you get back with your ex, you have taken care of you.

 

I appreciate the male perspective, so if any more of you are reading this I'd appreciate your input.

[trishcollins]

I saw the episode of "Sex in the City" when Miranda was given this advice by a guy friend, and it was like an epiphany for her. I guess you could call it her "lightbulb" moment. But this was in reference to a guy she had barely dated.

 

I think when you first start seeing someone and they give you the runaround, this certainly could apply, but when you have been in a serious relationship, I think that it's a bit too trite to just assume "he's just not that into you". I know people can fall out of love and find themselves in a relationship they don't want to be in, but I don't think anyone who ends a serious relationships takes it that lightly either. Although I don't have a lot of empathy for the "dumpers", I still think it can't be easy.

 

Something of a mantra for me is "I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me". I can usually figure that one out early enough to get out of a relationship. If the relationship gets serious, I know he is "into me". If it ends after that, it's likely a much bigger issue, then "he just isn't that into me".

[roxy79]

I think it is very crummy for a "friend" to tell a friend to read that book or tell them, "he's just not into you." Why would you want to trample on someone else's dreams? Why would you want to give your friend such advice?

 

That book or advice I feel would/does have great advive for people or couples who are just starting to date...who are still in the ackward stage when you are trying to figure out if this is a person you are compatable with. But to tell someone who they dated almost a year, over a year. etc that the one they want "just isn't into you" is a hunk of bologna. That person would not have stuck around for that amount of time had they not been into you.

 

So to the people whose friends are telling/giving them this advice, listen to YOUR heart. You know the other person better than they do. You know how THEY feel/felt about you and don't let anyone try to convince you that they "just weren't into you." If it turns out that they didn't like you as much as you liked them, then okay...you'll figure it out on your own but DON'T read a book that will "show you signs" that you may have made a fool of yourself.

 

In the end, a person is gonna do what they want to do.

[mtastic]

Both Trish and Roxy make a good point: this book is best suited for those just starting out in a relationship. I recall during that Oprah episode, one woman asking for advice on why her boyfriend of several years was unsure about marrying her. I really don't think this is a case of simply him being "not that into her." I mean marriage is a complicated decision, and certianly if they were together for several years this is not a question of him simply being "not that into her."

 

Just my opinion,

mtastic

[k33]

I agree that this is all about the beginning of a relationship. Once you are in and things happen you need some time to figure it out. We all do. To limit it to one sentence... eh seems a little trite.

 

Real realtionships have their ups and their downs... nothing is as simple as that. Sometimes the downs are too much and well, it ends, but other times the down times and the separations do make the relationship stronger in the end.

 

I've seen it before, the happiest couple I know broke up for a year, now they are happily married and stronger than ever. I think they really were into each other... it just sometimes takes some time.