Is it just me, or is this mutual?

[LilVixen]

Ok, so, I'm a student who has a major crush on my professor. I know, happens all the time right? Get this, the class is anatomy. It should

be chemistry, because I really think there is some serious chemistry going on between us...but I want to know if it's just me, or if the feeling is truly mutual.

 

How do I know? I've never had a crush on a professor before.

 

Here are some details. Help me be objective!!!

 

First of all, we're both "older", meaning I'm not fresh out of high school, and he is just a little older than me. So, if we had met some other way, it would totally be ok to communicate my interest.

 

We make a lot of eye contact during class. During the "lab" part of class, he spends a lot of time at our table or even next to me, talking to me and the students with me, but a lot with me. Again, a lot of eye contact. We've discovered a few things we have in common, and he's always bringing that kind of thing up. He has even asked me to stay after a test once just to talk to me about something totally not related to the class.

Sometimes he's gotten really close, either face to face, or by my side. It's all I can do to keep my hands off.

 

His smile just makes me melt. He is drop-dead gorgeous (and I think he knows it).

 

He is not married, has no kids. He is really funny, not to mention smart (he's a professor...duh). We were talking once and he mentioned that other students in other classes wanted him to go out drinking with them and he was like "no, I have a life". I asked him if that meant he didn't

make friends with students or was trying to tell me something specifically,

and he said in I don't remember how many ways that he wasn't telling me to back off or anything like that at all. He even hinted that he realized he might have hurt my feelings. That surprised me, that he would even

care.

 

So, how do I know if the feeling is mutual, or if he's just playing a game, or just really friendly, or I'm just completely wrong?

 

Of course I will keep my distance until class is over. I guess I am afraid that once class is over, he'll move on and forget about me. What do I do?

 

Help me!

 

Chasing after a Fox,

 

Vixen

[JynX]

From what I've read it could very well mean that there's some chemistry between the two of you. After all, you dont see every teacher making eye contact and getting close to you. If that's the case, then like you said, keep your distance until class is over.

 

On the flip side, this just might be how he is. You may not be the first girl he's acted like this with. There really isnt any way to say for sure if the feeling is mutual or not. That'll only be seen after class is over and how he reacts to it.

 

Sorry I couldnt be more help...good luck!

 

JyNx

[LilVixen]

Thanks for the reply. I know what you mean. I have dropped plenty of hints that I like him, and I really think he is playing it safe. I know I have to wait until class is over. The last thing I want to do is get him into trouble (or myself for that matter). Fortunately, I'm getting straight As so he knows I'm not trying to get his attention to take advantage of him for the grade.

 

So, any advice on what to do once the class is over? Should I email him and spill me guts, or be more nonchalant and just ask him out for a drink, or do nothing and see if he makes a move?

 

Ok, I'm so confused. Gotta get a grip.

 

LilVixen

[ladyluck]

if he is interested he'll more than likely give you either a dead give away sign that he's interested or not.just keep it real as friends don't completely disclose it. if you do have to wait don't fret him forgetting you, it'll be very hard for him to do a stupid thing like that. and just keep stopping by his class afterwards that might give him the hint; also depending on where you live he might not ask you because there might be a pollicy against professors and students dateing and he might not want to lose his job.

[JynX]

Vixen,

 

I'd say once class is over and he hasnt made a move or showed a sign of any type, you make the move and ask him to go out somewhere. Drink, movies - whatever it may be. After all, what do you have to lose?

 

Also, do you know if he's seeing anyone right now or is he single? Because if he is seeing someone, that might be a factor in why he's playing it safe with you.

 

JyNx

[LilVixen]

Yeah, I've wondered if he is seeing someone. However, he has never

mentioned a girlfriend, just that he goes home to his dog. He seems

quite open to talking about himself, but I don't have the nerve to ask

him things like "are you dating anyone?" During lecture he comments

about his looks, being a little out of shape, and why would anyone find

a 40-year-old attractive. And I sit there wanting to blurt out that I can't

believe there isn't a long line of women breaking his door down. He

really is hot. Not Playgirl hot, but a real man, and he is very handsome.

He said before before that he is not married (maybe he's divorced), no

kids, and when he has mentioned his own social life, he only mentions

friends, no girlfriend. Honestly, why has he told me so much about

himself if there's no interest. Could he really be that open with just

anyone? Does he want me to know these things?

 

Can you tell I'm smitten? Definitely dizzy. It is actually hard to

concentrate in class sometimes. But I'm not changing sections. No

way.

 

LilVixen

[JynX]

I'm thinking that maybe if one day you ask him if he's seeing someone, that might give him the one clue he needs to know you're interested. Depending on his answer, make your plans from there. If he isnt seeing someone and doesnt really say anything to hint that he has feelings for you, maybe he doesnt want a relationship.

 

But like you said...why would he tell you all those things if he wasnt interested? I now understand where you're coming from...this is quite confusing. My advice would be to take a direct aproach to the situation, instead of just wondering and guessing. You know?

 

JyNx

[LilVixen]

Well, it seems rather forward to just come out and ask if he's seeing

someone, you know? I am thinking he'll want to be protecting his job and

such a direct question might make him uncomfortable, and I wouldn't want to

do that!

 

I really appreciate all the feedback so far. I don't want to mess up any real

chances I might have, you know? I really, really, really like this guy!!!!

 

LilVixen

[LilVixen]

So, I've let time go by, class is almost over, and I'm still wondering what to do. I am pretty much head-over-heals at this point over my professor. His pattern of talking a lot to me, eye contact, and on a few occasions touching my arm or hand....I'm pretty sure he likes me, but once we were talking about relationships in general, and he said he doesn't date students.

 

So I don't know if that was a hint for me to back off, or if after the class is over I'm not longer a "student" so it's ok or what?

 

How do I know if it's ok? Do I just go for it after class is over? I guess I could ask for his number, but that's kinda forward and scary. All my friends that I've talked to about him think he likes me. It is so hard having to be the one taking the lead, because I am totally not used to that.

 

Any last words of advice? I'm really crazy for this man, and I want to know for sure if the feeling is mutual or not.

 

Thanks,

LilVixen

[lawless]

Hey,

 

I'm sorta in a similar situation if you want to view my post. I'll probably make another one less detailed later on because that was more like a journal entry than anything, just had to get my thoughts out I guess. Except I'm not sure if my TA likes me or not. He's about 28 I'd imagine and I'm 20..

 

I'll try to help with your situation though. I wouldn't do the direct approach. Something a little more subtle seems better because you're still not sure if he's interested in dating you or not. The comment about him 'not dating students' could be taken either way -- i.e. he's giving you a hint to wait until you're not his student, or it could be implying that that policy is even extended to former students..you should've followed it up with something like 'why, did you ever have a student ask you out or something?' it seems weird that he'd bring that up out of the blue..unless you somehow veered towards that topic.

 

In any case, what I would do is ask him if you can stay in touch with him after the semester's over (or he might even suggest it) to ask for advice about courses/grad school/other and say that you really enjoyed his class along with the helpful discussions you guys had. He will 99% say yes because the question is general enough that it could be interpreted either ways. Almost all of my TAs actually suggested keeping in touch without me even asking so it's nothing big.

 

Or you could ask him out for coffee after the exam, say you had some additional questions about grad school (and let the discussion extend elsewhere afterwards) and see what happens..

 

Basically my advice would be to go about it indirectly if you're not sure and tentative about doing the direct approach. It seems the safest route anyhow. And profs usually love talking about their work, especially with good students so he shouldn't object. Once you get talking and flirting, if you guys really click you can follow it up with asking for his number or suggesting you get together sometime next semester or something.

 

Hope that helped, let me know how it goes! I'm in a similar fix..

 

lawless

[acrossthenighte]

i think if he's a drop dead gorgeous professor all the girls in the class feel the same way you do... personally, i wouldn't wanna involve myself w. a professor because i would feel like he was using me and i was novelty and i would just hate that, but to each his own

[LilVixen]

Interesting, I don't think he's been using me, and I really do think he's made an effort to get to know me that shows he really could be interested.....just waiting for the semester to be over.

 

LV

[lawless]

awesome. so did you decide how you're going to go about it?

[LilVixen]

After the final a group of us plus him are going out. Depending on how he acts there, I will ask for his number so we can keep in touch after class. I really have a feeling this is going in a very positive direction. Just need to get the class over with!

 

LilVixen

[lawless]

That's great, I wish you luck! =) In my situation I think the guy was flirting with me but not interested in actually pursuing anything..this *may* be the case with you so don't be upset if nothing happens..he may like you a lot, but if he has a policy of not dating students, maybe he'll want to stick with that. On the other hand, since you two are closer in age than me & my TA and are older, he's probably more willing to give it a shot.

 

So it'll probably work out fine..good luck! =)

[LilVixen]

Yeah, we'll see. Someone else last night asked when he planned to have

the grades submitted by, and after he answered I asked "so then we won't be your students anymore". He said "nope" and gave me a nice

grin.

 

But yeah, it could all be flirting too. If it is, then I'll just know not to get so carried away next time, but you know how you me a man that just presses all your buttons by being in the same room, in a really good way?

 

This guy's got it going on, that's for sure.

 

LilVixen

[Desired1]

You could save yourself a lot of trouble and just ask him.

[LilVixen]

I plan to. Tomorrow.

 

LilVixen

[Lily04]

Wow. Let us know how it goes, I'm curious

[LilVixen]

Well girls, he's gay. He's partnered. I feel like he led me on. I'm so stunned I can barely think.

 

Oh well. Moving on....

 

LilVixen

[lawless]

wow, that sucks, I'm sorry. But you're right, time to move on & forget about it. At least you got a good mark in the course, that's the most important thing, and you won't have to see him again anyways. =)

 

It's really hard to tell if someone's gay sometimes or just eccentric..especially in academia it's not as obvious because I think they feel like they haev to cover it up more. But that was brave of you to ask, and it seems like he was sorta leading you on as well so don't worry about it.

 

thx for the update. Hopefully my situation will turn out a bit better..

 

lawless

[Lily04]

Thanks for the update! That sucks, but I know the feeling. I have pined after profs before as well, with all-too-dismal resuls in the end. Such is the reality of having unrealistic expectations. ;( good luck to you in the future.

 

lily04