lawless

I've never asked a guy out, but I think the best way to go about it is to be really casual about it & confident. Easier said than done, I guess. Just start talking with her, get in a convo. about something that interests you, perhaps near lunch time then say something like 'damn I'm getting hungry, why did I forget to eat breakfast today..do you want to come with me to __ i'm just going there now..' say it casually, and it won't even seem like a date! The way my ex-bf asked me out was sorta like this. We were walking in the city, it was near 5:00 and he asked if I wanted to join him for dinner..it didn't even feel like a date because we were both really comfortable with each other. When you feel comfortable with a person you shouldn't be nervous, really..

the typical reasoning is 'double the joy!' hehe Since there's two of you, there shouldn't be a problem..as long as you're willing to support & love the baby, you should be fine. And if you need more help, you could ask relatives to help babysit or something..depending on how close you are to them. Overall, lots of couples have twins, I think it's a very special gift because it's more unique, and your child will have someone to grow up with. Good luck! Tell him you're both in it together, you will get through it!

wow, that sucks, I'm sorry. But you're right, time to move on & forget about it. At least you got a good mark in the course, that's the most important thing, and you won't have to see him again anyways. =) It's really hard to tell if someone's gay sometimes or just eccentric..especially in academia it's not as obvious because I think they feel like they haev to cover it up more. But that was brave of you to ask, and it seems like he was sorta leading you on as well so don't worry about it. thx for the update. Hopefully my situation will turn out a bit better.. lawless

That's great, I wish you luck! =) In my situation I think the guy was flirting with me but not interested in actually pursuing anything..this *may* be the case with you so don't be upset if nothing happens..he may like you a lot, but if he has a policy of not dating students, maybe he'll want to stick with that. On the other hand, since you two are closer in age than me & my TA and are older, he's probably more willing to give it a shot. So it'll probably work out fine..good luck! =)

awesome. so did you decide how you're going to go about it?

90% of guys will say they like girls who are thin but not rail-thin. I mean that makes sense, right? But my impression is that most guys like girls who aren't super skinny, but are a bit less than average..so they have a really toned tummy or something. But if the guy is average weight he'll probably prefer a girl who's average..just like people usually prefer people who are around the same level of attractiveness. Since I was objectively better looking than my boyfriend I think he felt really insecure about his looks..he tried losing weight, changing his style, and even asked that I didn't wear any makeup (and I wore really light makeup - like just mascara & lip gloss), heels, or my hair up because I'd look more average that way (although he said he just preferred it, I know this was the real reason..)

Thanks Muneca. I think he still sees me too much as a student though to do that, and I still see him too much as a TA. Something more gradual would be better, if anything. I don't know..he ended the conversation really quickly because he had to leave, saying something like 'so I'll see you next semester then?' so maybe he was just saying perhaps we'll see each other on campus or something by chance..because I don't have any more classes with him, and as far as I know he doesn't have an office or office hours. And I was planning to e-mail him about the essay, thankign him for his help, etc. I think I would feel a bit awkward calling him about it.. But thanks for your advice anyways..eh, to be honest, I doubt anything will happen, lol.

No, he didn't bend the rules because he was interested in me, it was because I was really distressed and needed the extra time. At this point I couldn't ask him out though, it would just be too weird. I might visit him again, perhaps to say thanks for the essay help or something once I get it back, but I don't know if it will go beyond that. I guess I'll just see how it goes from there..it's hard to tell at this point if he's actually attracted to me or not. But looking back, I think it's more likely that he just views me as a friend/student, which is fine as well. My intuition is that he'd probably want to date a grad student..I mean that makes more sense.

that's perfectly fine. My last boyfriend was 3 yrs older than me..it doesn't really matter when you're that age with that age difference. Actually my sister (who's 15) had a senior (who's 17/18 ) ask her out this year..anything in high school pretty much goes.

lol..I guess I've just been lucky; I've never had any a-hole TAs. =) And I've never seen that movie although I get your message. One possibility is that he's just feeding his ego which I also considered..I wouldn't directly 'go for it' either at this point, but I guess we could just stay friends. hmm..yeah, he might have been flirting with me, but he was probably just doing it for fun..

Another student fixated on TA/prof. question. Well the term just ended, so he technically won't be my TA anymore and I don't really know what to do.. Towards the end of the semester we had a final essay due. I took the assignment really seriously & he basically acted as my thesis advisor, helping me with the research process. He knew I really wanted an A on this thing. So we essay conferenced, he gave me his number, and in a very short time we became pretty close..I would call him at like 1:00 a.m. and he'd help me with anything.. Anyway, he gave me a week extension on the project because he knew I needed the time, although that wasn't technically allowed. So we arranged to meet off campus at a coffee shop near his apartment for me to hand it in since I couldn't at school. We chatted for a bit after I handed it in..we teased each other, laughed a lot, locked eyes several times, and he held my gaze for a lot longer than he should have, perhaps causing me to blush. But I felt we were like equals throughout so there wasn't really a problem; I teased him back just as much. =) He also never mentioned having a gf so it's technically alright. He mentioned going home over the holidays to visit 'friends & family' but that's all..I dunno. He said that he hopes to see me again next semester, perhaps if I have any questions about professors he can tell me about them when choosing courses, and when I asked him about the new TA I'll be having next semester he said that he's very nice, although too theoretical for his tastes..but I'll probably like him. And if I don't that's ok, because I can just miss him more. (which is probably true) So I don't know. He seems like a very outgoing friendly person in general, but he's a lot more open with me than other students..I don't know if he just wants to be friends or more though. Also, I'd guess he's around 28 yrs old & I'm 20..don't know if that makes a difference or not..

Hey, I'm sorta in a similar situation if you want to view my post. I'll probably make another one less detailed later on because that was more like a journal entry than anything, just had to get my thoughts out I guess. Except I'm not sure if my TA likes me or not. He's about 28 I'd imagine and I'm 20.. I'll try to help with your situation though. I wouldn't do the direct approach. Something a little more subtle seems better because you're still not sure if he's interested in dating you or not. The comment about him 'not dating students' could be taken either way -- i.e. he's giving you a hint to wait until you're not his student, or it could be implying that that policy is even extended to former students..you should've followed it up with something like 'why, did you ever have a student ask you out or something?' it seems weird that he'd bring that up out of the blue..unless you somehow veered towards that topic. In any case, what I would do is ask him if you can stay in touch with him after the semester's over (or he might even suggest it) to ask for advice about courses/grad school/other and say that you really enjoyed his class along with the helpful discussions you guys had. He will 99% say yes because the question is general enough that it could be interpreted either ways. Almost all of my TAs actually suggested keeping in touch without me even asking so it's nothing big. Or you could ask him out for coffee after the exam, say you had some additional questions about grad school (and let the discussion extend elsewhere afterwards) and see what happens.. Basically my advice would be to go about it indirectly if you're not sure and tentative about doing the direct approach. It seems the safest route anyhow. And profs usually love talking about their work, especially with good students so he shouldn't object. Once you get talking and flirting, if you guys really click you can follow it up with asking for his number or suggesting you get together sometime next semester or something. Hope that helped, let me know how it goes! I'm in a similar fix.. lawless

Thanks Lily.. I erased my last message, I'd still like to hear some mre thoughts on this. I realize my message is long, I'll edit it later when I have more time..but I don't know if I should pursue anything, or if this means anything at all..or if he still just views me as a regular student although a bit more hardworking so he's willing to put more effort in? I don't know. I usually get along well with TAs and they usually make exceptions for me, so..I don't know. But they're usually not as flirtatious that's the only thing. Perhaps I'll just wait until after Christmas holidays & see then..it's hard to tell from this point.

nvmind..

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