Keep thinking about what her and/or her friends think of me for some reason

[sonicfan287]

It bothers me for whatever reason that things not only ended so badly between us, but that I made it infinitely worse by just dragging it out... all 3 times...

 

My girlfriend and I were together between late 2009 and March 2012. Things got pretty intense and every time we got back together (after 2 break ups, one in 2010 and one in 2011), our relationship got stronger. Idk what it was, but we had both matured in the time apart but obviously there were still some problems... this time I feel like the problems were 80% mine... well, at least thats what I thought until I saw what she did post BU.

 

But anyway... when things were going well, they went really well, and even if one of us had a rough patch, the other was always there to help and she just gave me this feeling of togetherness, and I would come help her out no matter what. Even during our breakups, I was there for her after she had gotten in a car accident. She wasnt severely hurt but she was upset and needed someone to talk to, and I was there, but it was only to support her through that. At that point, I didnt think we'd even get back together. We did, though, and had a very close relationship that ended in summer 2011, only for us to get back together in the fall.

 

Anyway... now that this pain is starting to subside and Im almost starting to get over it (although not really, since I still think about her a lot), I cant help but think about what SHE thinks of ME and our time together... if it was ever important, or she'll ever miss it, despite my mental instability... basically, my anxiety and depression became too much for her to deal with. She wont say thats what it was but I just have a feeling, since that was the biggest hurdle in our relationship for the last couple months. Since then, I've gotten a lot of help... Ive even solved my ADHD and Im a very focused, driven person who has a lot more self confidence. Too bad she'll never see this though, bc shes with another guy and I havent heard from her since the breakup when I begged and cried and told her "please dont forget me"

 

Now as I sit here and have my family and friends tell me she didnt deserve me and that shes not right for me and basically trash talk her constantly... I get kinda worried... what do her friends think of me? Did she tell them that Im stalking her post breakup and OBSESSED with her and telling them that Im crazy and that her new bf is awesome? I guess I am kinda crazy that Im still wondering that after 2 months of being apart, but I just dont know how she could block me out so easily... I havent tried to get in touch with her since March. One of my friends tried to call her on my behalf when I was passed out in their driveway from trying to commit suicide (they werent going to tell her thats what it was, just that I was very sick) and she wouldnt answer her phone or even see what they wanted. Idk if its bc she had the new bf then and thought it was another attempt to get her back but I dont know why she couldnt even answer... my friend left a message saying it was an emergency...

 

Obviously, I didnt die, but that day really opened my eyes, and even though I know a lot of people may be right that she isnt right for me... is SHE thinking the same thing? In other words, isnt it usually common that friends will support each other in these times and everyones exes are "stupid" or "Crazy" or "not right for them"? So if my friends think that about her, whats to stop her friends from thinking it about me?? Idk why that bothers me... I just really desperately wanted her first major relationship (which was with me, shes pretty young) to be more memorable and pleasant and instead I feel like whether she stays with this new guy or not, or whatever happens, she'll just shrug and be like "I dated some crazy guy for 2 years who did some really great things fo rme but he was really just crazy so it doesnt count"

 

Idk... it just bothers me. I know it shouldnt and I cant read her mind, so who knows? Ill always remember her fondly... even after Im healed. Doesnt mean Ill try to get back with her but Ill always remember the good times and even if she hurt me, I wont think shes crazy or evil or anything. Ill just think she was an awesome girlfriend... not my first, but one of my best.

[brian12345]

Hey, I know this is a tough one, the best I can say is in my opinion what they think of you will evolve over time based on two things...their life experiences and your life experiences. I don't know your entire situation, but if your worst moments were how you acted in the aftermath of the break-up(s), then over time she's likely to remember less about that, and more gabout the good moments. I think in many cases that's inevitably the direction it goes, although it's important to caution ourselves that while they may think more fondly of you over time, it doesn't necessarily mean they regret not staying with you.

 

But as I said I think the other two big impacts will be the direction your life and her life goes. If her new b/f is great to her and they stay together forever then she's going to be a lot less likely to miss you. On the other hand, if he cheats on her in a year and leaves, then she's going to see you in a better light since you treated her better. Doesn't mean she'll want you back, but I'm sure she'll appreciate you more and miss you more than she normally would. You'll have a better place in her memory. But face it you have no control over the direction her life takes at the moment.

 

But, you do have control over your direction. If you don't improve yourself and end up at a dead end job with no girlfriend or wife in 5 years, then she's more likely to view you as "some crazy guy" (if she keeps an tabs on you or you two contact each other in the far off future). If you make something of yourself and end up with an amazing woman, then she'll be more likely to view you as the one that got away.

 

It's easier said than done, but focus on what you can control. I should add that in my opinion, what she thinks only matters if you want her back now or at some point in the future. If you don't want her back now or ever, then what she thinks should be irrelevant.

[sonicfan287]

True that, man I appreciate it.

 

I dont know if I want her back... I mean, in my heart, if Im 100% honest, then yes, I would want her back but looking at from a logical standpoint and just everything else thats gone on... I dont even know how we COULD get back together... thats the scary thing. I could improve to an insane degree, but just the bad history in the fact that we've gone through this before and EVERYONE hates the idea of us being together (at least on my side) and yet I still believe in her and who she CAN be. I believe she's been harsh because she had to be... because I probably wasn't going to leave her alone.... Im a bit surprised she fell in love with this new guy so fast and there are key things that make me think it wont last long but even so, I dont nessecarily want to be there to pick up the pieces.

 

As much as I loved her, she had some qualities that I could see bugging other, less patient people. I take the good with the bad, but Im all too familiar that some guys in my age range would fall for her because of her looks and unless she could contain some of those qualities (being kind of picky, naggy and particular about things and not always telling you what she wants, then getting mad if you dont give it to her), I could see someone leaving her or even her leaving them... shes never had a long relationship. Shes only 20 and she was with me for 2 years. Besides that, she was with one other guy for 2 weeks and a couple others for a couple months. Ive only had 2 major relationships, both 2 years, and one short long distance one that only didnt work bc of the distance...

 

So, I guess youre right, I have to look at this as where are our lives heading? Idk who I'll be with next or when, but I'll make every effort to make sure it lasts because it'll be someone I really care about. Her on the other hand? I dont know if she ever plans to commit long term and if not, then maybe she really wasnt right for me. It hurts me to say that but it could be true... or maybe she settles down... I just remember in the past when shes gotten back with me, she did remember all the good things and that was after even MORE crazy behavior on my part (the first time we broke up was followed by 4-5 months of begging and pleading, or pretending I was fine but she could tell I wasnt)... so stranger things have happened.

 

The last few days have been extremely hard to keep my focus for some reason... I have no idea what shes doing and I almost dont want to know, but thats whats distracting me...