Crush on my TA..can't get over it :/

[acadame]

I really have to get over this..I've been attracted to my teaching assistant since the summer when I was taking a course with him. We seemed to get along really well the first time we met; I really felt like we really clicked & there was possibly a mutual attraction..I'm not really sure. He only gave a few lectures though, as the prof. accepted the majority of the responsibilities for the class, and I didn't see him much. He gave me his phone number & e-mail address though, and said I could call him anytime if I needed help & to stay in touch if I liked. But whenever I saw him in class he would look away, and I got the impression that he was trying to ignore me. He also pretended not to know my name in class..

 

So my general impression from this is that he isn't interested, which is fine..except for the fact that I can't really get him out of my mind. I still see him around the university sometimes & I know later I'll be tempted to e-mail him for essay help, since he really is a great asset in that respect..and he said after the exam that I could.

 

Does anyone know how to get a crush out of your mind? The problem is that he's pretty much perfect -- he's very intelligent, extremely good-looking, witty, only a few years older than me and generally kind. He probably just views me as a dedicated student and wants to help me get good grades, but at the same time it's so hard to keep from liking him and flirting..and to keep him out of my mind, especially when I see him around campus.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions? should I just ignore him like he did to me, or how can I keep him out of my mind? I'm starting to just see this as a stupid, pointless infatuation, like 14-yr-old girls get and want to be rid of it..

 

If anyone has any suggestions that'd be great..school generally occupies my mind, but right now I'm writing an essay and am so tempted to call him and he just keeps returning to mind..but it really is so pointless. I'm a rational person, I can see that but I can't control this..ugh.

 

Any help would be appreciated. thx.

 

-acadame

[Gunther]

hmm crush on a TA, well, if he is about the same age then it is okay for you to date him AFTER you complete his course, it is however considered a form of cheating if you are trying to get with him while your in his class. If you want to persue it just freakin' ask. lol, But if you just want to get him out of your mind there are two options that come to my mind. 1} find someone else you like. Or 2} Just look up lots of porn LoL j\k. But there isnt much you can do about liking someone reguardless of age or seriousness. Then mind wants what it wants. Anymore questions, feel free to pm me.

[acadame]

Hey, thanks for the reply..well the class is already completed so that's not a problem. But I still get the impression that he's not interested & I am a bit too shy to say anything directly, considering the fact that he's ignored me and acted distantly, and the fact that he's a graduate student who most likely has a girlfriend (I don't see why not, he's practically perfect.)

 

hmm..one thing that came to mind though is if I ask him to meet me sometime to discuss an essay. Then I can see how he acts while we're alone, so maybe he isn't nervous in front of a class or something.. It's just so hard to let go if there's a possibility..

 

But I also think that he's probably just trying to be nice by offering to help sometimes..I mean professors do that as well with more diligent students, right? So it's not really a sign of interest. grr..

 

oh well. I think you're right though, that the best way is just to start liking someone else..I'm not such a fan of porn either

 

thank ya, any more thoughts would be cool as well.

 

-acadame

[sisterlynch]

I really don't see a problem with you contacting him to give you help with an essay if that genuinely is his job. He will probably be nice to you since it will be just the two of you. He probably just didn't want to flirt in class.

 

Maybe the professor has warned him not to flirt with the girls in class. If he is really that good looking, then he can get into a lot of trouble if he shows interest toward you in class. He is probably just looking out for his own interests.

 

When you are with him, treat him with respect. That is what he wants from you, not a 14 yr old's crush, I bet he has seen that sort of behavior before.

 

Maybe he "plays for the other team"? Just a hunch! Guys that are too cute are probably that for a reason. Just a hunch...

[acadame]

Hey,

 

Well, technically he wasn't really responsible for giving help with essays before, that was supposed to be the prof's domain. He was just responsible for marking essays & giving a few lectures in class. Right now since I don't have any classes with him anymore (i.e. he's not my TA anymore) so he doesn't have to help me..that's why I think he's just being nice. He's a TA for another class right now that I'm not in, so he's only really responsible for helping those students that he's teaching.

 

And I do treat him with respect, esp. since I'm wary about whether there's anything there or if I was just imagining things. I just sorta feel like a 14 yr old because I can't get over him, when perhaps I should.

 

I don't know about my prof. giving him a warning, but TAs aren't allowed to date students so he shouldn't technically need a warning, it's assumed they know.

 

And he's not gay if that's what you're suggesting, lol. I've read some of his poetry so I know that for sure..He is just very good looking. I wouldn't be surprised if he's seen students gushing over him before either, as I've seen some of them do during the washroom break to the point of incomprehension.. So who knows, maybe he is extra cautious to the point of ignoring students in class..?

 

Thanks again,

 

acadame

[Lily04]

Hi acadame,

 

I don't see how asking him to conference with you on essays could hurt, I think that's a good idea. You'll probably be able to tell a lot better that way. Personally that is what I would do as well; and then if you see that he's still acting distant or just wants to be friends, then hopefully your crush on him will subside as well. I see it pretty much equal..it could be that he is a genuously nice guy & doesn't mind helping students (although it may mean something if you're the only one he's helping outside of class) or he could be interested in something more..the distance could also be interpreted differently..he may have been acting weird because he liked you & didn't want to show that he was favouring some students over others, or he really did want to maintain a professional relationship among students (although offering to help sort of contradicts that plan.)

 

In any case, I would just say to go for it although don't ask him directly if he likes you. Do a study date or something & see how he acts..

 

good luck, hth,

 

sparrow

[OldGuy]

Believe it or not there are still some men in the world that take the obligations they make seriously. If your guy is one of them (and I kind of hope he is), he cannot ask you out as long as you are his student. Even if he finds you very attractive and is offering extra help because he just would like to see you again, he cannot ask you out without, in at least a little way, betraying a trust. (Of course the university may have a policy that prohibits him doing so anyway.)

 

If this is the case, getting help with your essay will not help the situation any.

 

On the other hand, if you are not asking for academic help, and are no longer in his class, you could ask him to have a cup of coffee (or something equally as innocent). Then he can probably find it in his own conscience and in the rules that he works by to see you. If you don't have the courage to do this and he is an honorable guy, this is going nowhere.

 

Frankly, in his position, the "trying to ignore you" and the "looking away" is likely a sign that he finds you attractive and that is the easiest why to deal with an attraction that he is not allowed to do anything about.

[acadame]

Thanks Oldguy & sparrow. Just to clarify Oldguy, I am not in his class but he said I could still keep in touch for essay help..so he wouldn't get in trouble. But in any case, I have to look at this realistically..one, he's a graduate student who is very good-looking, smart and could easily find a girlfriend 2) he is probably being distant with me not only because I'm an undergrad bnut because he most likely has a girlfriend and if he is suspicious that I like him, he wants to maintain a distance not only for professional reasons, but also for personal 3) He is a nice guy and is most likely offering help because he likes to help students, especially those who are serious about the subject.

 

So that makes sense then..I sorta feel silly for posting this msg. then. I think I was just looking through rose-coloured glasses and seeing things that probably weren't there. That's easiest to believe anyway.

[Lily04]

Yeah, at first I was a bit confused by the titel as well - I thought he was still your TA. As far as I know then (for my school in any case), since he's not responsible for your grades it would be ok. But if anything *dles* happen you'd have to make sure that neither of you get in trouble (you could too you know. And if you want to go to grad school, as well you could be screwed.) But I'm pretty sure the policy is at most schools it'd be OK since he's not your TA anymore, he's just a student to you.

 

In any case that being said..your arguments sound quite convincing. Personally, if I were you, I'd back off & look elsewhere, or perhaps just ask him for essay help but nothing more. I would also interpret the distance as being what Oldguy said - whether or not he likes you, it's a sign he doesnt't want to get involved. So respect his decision & move on.

[acadame]

Hi Sparrow (et al),

 

Thanks for the advice. I agree, in this case I will have to back off…after considering it it's pretty obvious that he doesn't want to get involved, and that's only fair. You can't force someone to like you, and he most likely has a girlfriend anyways. =( oh well..

 

Thanks again,

 

acadame